To think there are too many treats now

[Naptrappedmummy]

and that not only is it stressful/expensive for parents, it’s also spoiling the magic for the kids? Because every week seems to bring a present/treat/experience now, it’s routine and not as exciting as it used to be?

Take Christmas, when I was a kid not much happened until Christmas Eve bar opening the advent calendar and going on walks to see houses that had inflatable reindeer on the front lawn. Now it’s a month long affair, elf on the shelf, new pyjamas, a different outing every weekend, Christmas Eve boxes etc.

I’m not saying I’m any better than anyone else. I too have slipped into the habit of trying to make everything special and keeping up with the Joneses, but lately I’ve noticed DD is a bit ‘meh’ about everything I put on and doesn’t seem as excited as I remember being at that age.

Maybe I’m just getting old!

It’s one thing to do things with your kids, but it can go too far. I had to have a word with my ex years ago because every time he had our dd (once a week on Fri night/Saturday daytime) he’d take her out somewhere spectacular. She came to expect it all the time and nothing was special for her anymore. I asked if he could just tone it down a bit - a trip to the park or a museum, a walk in the woods, picnic at the beach. It didn’t have to be Alton Towers water park, or a theme park or the zoo every single week.

Just wondering - have some of the activities increased over the last two years with people making of the most of the lost time over the lockdown period ? Must have impacted on days out in some way for a couple of years .

I wonder how this links with the other thread about young people increasingly suffering from mental health issues and not working.

I suppose the more you get, the more blasé you become, the more down you are and desperate to get more, and you fall into that dreadful cycle that ultimately feeling deflated and unmotivated.

Sadly, it is only instinctive to spoil those we love but by trying to do best, it's easy to do more damage than good.

A little deprivation is a good thing IMHO - for both adults and children.

Each to their own, of course. I completely get that people want to make it special and who doesn’t love a treat? But I’m sure it must be overwhelming for some kids, and with a lot of them it works them up into such a frenzy of excitement that by the time Christmas Day arrives it ends up feeling like a letdown, and they’re worn out and overwrought.

I was a child in the 80s - not wealthy, not poor. I don't think the things my DC do are that different to when I was growing up. We had advent calendars (chocolate ones, like my DC), went to a Santa's grotto, went to the panto, had a Christmas party at school.

We put the tree up earlier now and Christmas Jumper day is a new thing. We might also do something like a light trail that didn't exist back then but otherwise not so very different. Certainly not outings every weekend.

I voted YANBU but I’m on the fence really as I do understand the wish to do more. Difficulties with health (and therefore transport etc) mean we don’t do much and I do feel sad about that, but then we had a really lovely Christmas this year. I think the low expectations helped a lot, it was just relaxed and low key.

It’s interesting that the age of it stopping being magical for kids is getting lower according to another reply (I don’t know either way, my teens are autistic and believed till quite late, and my youngest isn’t at school). Could that actually be because children are doing more and more build up though? I don’t mean that in a judgy way, like I said I’m on the fence. It just made me wonder if it’s a bit like being burned out from doing so much festive stuff at once.

They do it all for the socials 🥱

What’s wrong with taking kids out every weekend? What else are they supposed to do at the weekend? Especially the young ones who don’t have homework/revision to occupy them.

I don’t see how trips to the zoo, museums, galleries, theatre etc. works kids up into a frenzy or whatever. It’s just giving them experiences and broadening their social and cultural education. I’m sure that’s better for them than 48 hours in front of the TV!

Everywhere is much busier, it seems, yes.

Not sure it’s still due to making up for lost time during Covid - I think we’re way past that now (given restrictions lasted 16 months and ended 2.5 years ago).

I'm probably one of the people you are referring to (although I don't post on SM).

Both DH and I never had 'outings' as kids. Didn't go anywhere to do Christmas treats or any other time of year. I used to get a fair amount of presents for Christmas. DH on the other hand, was neglected in every way imaginable and would some years not have presents or a Christmas dinner.

Anyway, we go all out at Christmas and other celebrations. We did something every weekend leading up to Christmas and each evening Christmas week. Kids had lots of presents, loads of food in etc. We are very fortunate to be able to afford it and have worked to get to this point.

Anyway, my children are always grateful and appreciative. Last year, we noticed them becoming a little expectant and therefore cut back for a few months. They always say thank you and share with others.

Anyway, each to their own. Just stay in and don't do much if that's your thing! No point criticising others!

I didn’t say 48 hours of TV is better or that nobody should leave their house of a weekend. To me park trips, friends houses, libraries etc are the sort of thing you would do every weekend with the zoo (for example) being a treat a few times a year as it’s expensive, a whole day out and quite a ‘special’ activity. But it seems like some people do things like this every weekend, on both days.

Nobody is forcing you to do any of the 'magic'.

I hate that concept as much as or maybe more than 'pop of colour'.

Why?

Indeed!

@Honeychickpea
Thank you for that beautiful poem.
Advent is still a strict fasting time in the Eastern Orthodox churches, and the Eastern Carholic churches too, iirc..

Comparison is the thief of joy!

As long as you are doing what you know works for your own family then you are doing a brilliant job at parenting. It doesn’t matter if that’s trips to the cinema, theme parks, walking in the woods or watching movies / baking at home.

I think where things become problematic are when things are done purely to keep up with the Jones or to post on SM, kids can tell when you’re genuinely present with them or when you’re just going through the motions because you feel you ought to (whether that’s doing big expensive outings or chilling out at home)

Amazed 90% of voters agree! Maybe it’s not just my age!

So it’s a treat if it costs money then? Some of the examples you gave aren’t particularly expensive - a trip to the cinema is a few quid, and there’s usually offers for kids’ screenings. I think the important thing is to get kids out of the house and engaging with the world, and some people can do that with activities that cost money as well as ones that are inexpensive/free. I don’t think they’re giving their kids too many ‘treats’, least of all because young children can’t differentiate between what costs a lot of money and what doesn’t.

I suppose I just think kids are over scheduled now, they always seem to be doing something arranged by their parents. I suppose it’s because they don’t play out any more but it seems a shame.

Totally agree! I can't believe what some people are doing on 1 December when the elf arrives. You can make a fun special breakfast quite simply and cheaply with some decorations and a food treat your child will enjoy, but it's the full on set of gifts I can't understand! Lego sets, pyjamas, books etc. Then every weekend is filled with an expensive festive experience day/evening out. Another selection of gifts on Christmas Eve from the "Christmas Eve box". I guarantee if it wasn't for social media, a large proportion of this wouldn't happen. It's all for Facebook!

I think it helps us to develop some self control and appreciation, personally.

I am meaning in regard to "treats" here - not the basics in life like food, water, shelter, affection etc - I'm not a complete sadist/masochist.

I do agree with you, but I don’t really know anybody who this applies to.

Been thinking about this since reading the thread this morning. I haven’t done some of the Christmas things listed on here but I do take the kids regularly to the cinema, swimming, days out etc. We have been to the Christmas market five times since they opened.
So I asked myself why.
When I was a kid I spent most days playing on the street. Out on my bike or in the park with friends. Calling on people spontaneously. Even in winter you’d be wrapped up warm and out. But kids don’t do that so much nowadays. So if I don’t organize things the kids are just inside the whole time. Screen time goes up massively, number of tantrums increased. My mum said bye to us in the morning and made some sandwiches for lunch when we’d come back in. And she was a sahp - so it wasn’t for lack of time. We were just happy out with other kids. Whereas I’m working ft and having to plan activities left right and center. Play dates can’t even be spontaneous anymore cause everyone else has tickets for xyz that day so no just ringing up and saying “Laura was wondering if Emma wanted to come play this afternoon.”

In summer there’s more long walks as a family, time at playground with a picnic etc. But everyone is just miserable in the rain. Might work for some people but we as a family hate being out in the rain. Never mind the number of colds we’ve caught since lockdown finished meaning we want to be somewhere warm and dry. I’d constantly have friends over or be at another friends house in winter as a kid. It all worked out fairly with a mum chucking us out and onto the next house if didn’t. But trying to organize a play date nowadays is like trying to fix a date for a wedding. Has to be preapproved, parent supervised, official nonsense.

I’m not trying to spoil my kids - but that might be a side effect. I’m trying to keep them busy and away from screens and to stop them trashing the house. Of course we do arts crafts etc. but there are only so many make your own dream catcher sets etc you can do. We do a coloring book with an audio book on an evening. I’m doing what I can to engage with them. But left to their own devices… they will just be on devices.

I agree. I found the run up to Christmas quite stressful with all the themed days at school and nursery. Christmas jumper day, Christmas sock day, Christmas party, Christmas dinner, Christmas play. It was manic just knowing what to send in on any given day.

I think it was too much for my eldest who has just started reception. I then chose not to do anything extra outside of that and still found he was overwhelmed.

i do think it’s all a bit much, i also think (for me) that me and DH have more disposable income than our parents did when we were young and so it’s much easier to spend money going out and doing stuff/buy things. We probably do it without thinking far too much.