Page 4 | To think there are too many treats now

Pottedpalm · 27/12/2023 08:13

Sparklesocks · 26/12/2023 22:28

I understand your point, but it’s up to the parents how much of that you actually engage with.

There’s your answer in the second response. You don’t have to do mire than you like. Most of it is crap anyway, in my opinion. A trip to see whatever lights are free (locally or big city) is festive, otherwise make your own traditions. As children we did a special trip to put a wreath on family grave, it added to the exciting build up 😂Advent calendar was paper and put away carefully for next year. We go to church and that aspect was important to the DC growing up; they had duties at church and the little gang of altar servers were excited about it all. The commercial crap is just that and I think it leafs to a feeling of emptiness.

DivergentTris · 27/12/2023 08:27

I've never got the fuss of all this 'new' Christmas stuff. I choose not to do it, but I would never stop others from enjoying it, however, despite this, it does attract a lot of negativity from people who can't seem to allow others to make a choice different to theirs, for instance:

I'm miserable
People wonder what is wrong with me
Work-related - I'm letting the side down, not a team player, (Despite me being supportive of them doing it and still working well with them).
Constand ear bending - 'Oh come on it's Christmas!', 'I'll buy you the Xmas jumper (No, I can afford it I just don't bloody want one!!!)

I think many just follow the herd and don't like those who refuse, some who would love to refuse should give it a go though, it's liberating, but you do see a side to the herd that is a little unpleasant.

flutterby1 · 27/12/2023 08:40

Thankfully I never started the Xmas eve boxes! So no expectation for Xmas eve, its a relatively new thing and I won't be buying new Xmas pyjamas and presents for that. it's just more money! Not monetary but o WISH I'd never got involved in elf on the shelf, it's just an annoying chore. You need to have energy and be creative and I'm not. People do too many expensive experiences I agree. We usually do one or 2 things, I also have a panto booked but in January this year as cheaper. The main thing I want to stop next year is buying for so many adult friends, I need to know how to approach this ?

clarepetal · 27/12/2023 09:02

ru53 · 26/12/2023 23:03

Wtf are Christmas Eve boxes?

They can fuck off

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 27/12/2023 09:41

SharonEllis · 26/12/2023 22:54

I'm in my mid-50s. Thats not how it was in our house. We didnt have a lot of stuff but made an effort for everything to be special & certainly didnt leave mum in the kitchen. We all did our bit & also chatted in the kitchen.

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Yeah I realise what I’m talking about might be just a criticism of my family!

TempestTost · 27/12/2023 10:26

Honeychickpea · 27/12/2023 06:28

There is a reason, now forgotten, why Advent used to be similar to Lent.

Advent by Patrick Kavanagh

We have tested and tasted too much, lover –
Through a chink too wide there comes in no wonder.
But here in the Advent-darkened room
Where the dry black bread and the sugarless tea
Of penance will charm back the luxury
Of a child’s soul, we’ll return to Doom
The knowledge we stole but could not use.

And the newness that was in every stale thing
When we looked at it as children: the spirit-shocking
Wonder in a black slanting Ulster hill
Or the prophetic astonishment in the tedious talking
Of an old fool will awake for us and bring
You and me to the yard gate to watch the whins
And the bog-holes, cart-tracks, old stables where Time begins.
O after Christmas we’ll have no need to go searching
For the difference that sets an old phrase burning –
We’ll hear it in the whispered argument of a churning

Or in the streets where the village boys are lurching.
And we’ll hear it among decent men too
Who barrow dung in gardens under trees,
Wherever life pours ordinary plenty.
Won’t we be rich, my love and I, and please
God we shall not ask for reason’s payment,
The why of heart-breaking strangeness in dreeping hedges
Nor analyse God’s breath in common statement.
We have thrown into the dust-bin the clay-minted wages
Of pleasure, knowledge and the conscious hour –
And Christ comes with a January flower.

I think this is worth considering as part of the reason things at Christmas can seem overwrought.

For the religious Advent was a penitential season, and so the treats at Christmas formed a real contrast. There is a big pay-off to a chocolate treat after a month of no sweets, and a celebration after a month of being quiet.

But even for those who were not religiously observant in that tradition, the "Christmas season" started much much later. People did not typically put up trees until much close to the end of the month, special foods didn't make an appearance, and so on.

In a way Christmas has really moved, from a celebration that started on the 25th and ended at Epiphany, to one that is mainly a build up before the 25th. And this is driven by consumerism - people will buy before Christmas, but not so much after.

TempestTost · 27/12/2023 10:29

I will say - I tried to resist Elf on the Shelf, and so my kids sewed their own out of old Christmas socks.

I've never had to have anything to do with it though so that is great.

Moreorlessmentallystable · 27/12/2023 11:04

Yes. It's completely OTT. I have relatives that take their kids to see a different Santa every weekend throughout December, this on top of the plenty varios activities at the school: panto, Christmas dance, Christmas lunch, Santa visit, Nativity, Carol singing. There are light trails, breakfast/ lunch with Santa and elves. Sooo many activities, I honestly don't think kids appreciate them anymore. Then you see the photos on Christmas day with literally piles of presents, even in households that are supposedly struggling financially. I just see it getting worse every year, perhaps is the keep up with the Joneses mentality, or social media encouraging this excessive consumerism. I find myself really fed up with it all....I like Christmas and obviously try to make it special for my kids, while trying to find a balance and focusing more on family time than just doing things for show...

x2boys · 27/12/2023 11:09

Naptrappedmummy · 26/12/2023 22:27

and that not only is it stressful/expensive for parents, it’s also spoiling the magic for the kids? Because every week seems to bring a present/treat/experience now, it’s routine and not as exciting as it used to be?

Take Christmas, when I was a kid not much happened until Christmas Eve bar opening the advent calendar and going on walks to see houses that had inflatable reindeer on the front lawn. Now it’s a month long affair, elf on the shelf, new pyjamas, a different outing every weekend, Christmas Eve boxes etc.

I’m not saying I’m any better than anyone else. I too have slipped into the habit of trying to make everything special and keeping up with the Joneses, but lately I’ve noticed DD is a bit ‘meh’ about everything I put on and doesn’t seem as excited as I remember being at that age.

Maybe I’m just getting old!

Maybe it is for some but we have never dine ,elf on a shelf ,Xmas Eve boxes etc .

electriclight · 27/12/2023 11:11

I agree op. I am a teacher in a wealthy area and it is increasingly difficult to delight children who are exposed to so much.

At one time the children were thrilled when I put up the Christmas decorations, bought an advent calendar or bought little gifts to hand out on the last day.

Now they barely notice or actively criticise - "I don't like this what else have you got?"

We pay a lot of money for the local panto to come and perform at our school. It used to be a major event. But now pupils are going to Lapland, skiing, centre parks, west end productions.

I have mixed feelings. Of course parents want to give their children wonderful experiences. But in some ways it is sad to see.

AndThatWasNY · 27/12/2023 11:12

Tinselburn · 26/12/2023 22:49

So you're moaning about people doing stuff with their kids and having a nice time? You sound fun, I think people are looking for fun and joy in life. I don't see that as a problem.

For some it's fun, but for some they do it because it's expected. It can be expensive, hard to organise, tiring, and overwhelming for the kids let alone the adults.

I've realised over the years (my kids range from 27 to 13), that the bits they really loved were the time spent playing games at home, making biscuits and watching a film together. They don't actually remember much about the Santa train/winter wonderland bollocks that cost £100s

HAF1119 · 27/12/2023 11:12

I think you can do what suits you as a family

We do advent in December counting down - 1 Santa visit (though most likely the school Santa) and a basic roast on Xmas day.

This year I wrapped up socks/pants/clothes as well as the Santa asked for 2 presents and he wasn't overly impressed with the whole socks etc opening so probably will just do the things asked for next year

x2boys · 27/12/2023 11:18

AndThatWasNY · 27/12/2023 11:12

For some it's fun, but for some they do it because it's expected. It can be expensive, hard to organise, tiring, and overwhelming for the kids let alone the adults.

I've realised over the years (my kids range from 27 to 13), that the bits they really loved were the time spent playing games at home, making biscuits and watching a film together. They don't actually remember much about the Santa train/winter wonderland bollocks that cost £100s

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That's a bit patronising
Nobody has to do anything try don't want to do ,its not expected to do elf in the shelf etc if you don't want to
I don't do bore Xmas Eve boxes. Etc
But if it gives others enjoyment so what ?

Chocpot1986 · 27/12/2023 11:25

I understand OP, it takes the magic and anticipation out of it somewhat I feel. It’s almost like you’re sick to death it of it by the time it arrives plus completely exhausted! Social media can make you feel quite rubbish aswell when you see what everyone else is doing and think you’re not doing enough! I felt badgered by family to do elf on the shelf, I bought one but unfortunately he was too shy to come out the bag so that is where he stayed 😂😂😂

user1477391263 · 27/12/2023 11:34

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user1477391263 · 27/12/2023 11:39

I think people can do what they like, BUT a couple of my friends do go so overboard with hype-hype-hyping up Xmas (a month or more of treats, countdowns, elaborate advent calendars, Santa visits and Santa talk and Santa chatter even when the kids are at what are really quite advanced ages....), and then complain about the kids' spoilt, grabby behavior, meltdowns before and during Christmas, ingratitude, and just having really OTT expectations of everything, and of course the mothers also have these OTT expectations of A WONDERFUL MAGICAL DAY and so if anything goes wrong or their child shows a bit of attitude, it becomes a huge problem and source of trauma.

I feel like telling them to just rein it all in a bit and stop hyping the Santa stuff and feeding the gift-grabbiness monster for weeks on end.

Most families don't do much beyond an advent calendar and a roast dinner and a few gifts, though IME. The Xmas obsessives look more numerous than they actually are, because of the way they post it all over social media.

ITSSSSCHRISTMASSS · 27/12/2023 11:40

Amermaidandaman · 27/12/2023 01:27

My friends are all about the personalised bits and bobs. December 1st boxes, pjs with surname on them, Christmas Eve boxes, plates for Santa (1 for each child with names on them), special present sacks and stockings. Must cost a fortune to have it all made.
Theres also the Christmas mini photo shoot, 3 or 4 different Santa experiences and the light trails.

I see this all on social media but these are my actual friends, not influencers.

I don’t understand seeing Santa more than once, but between school and sports clubs mine have ended up seeing him a few times.
I try to keep things a bit reasonable, this year I haven’t made many plans at all, but my son is in year 1 and it’s been one thing after another with school in the last month.

I book multiple Santa experiences as I have chronic health issues and never know when I will be hit with a flare, so I book 2 in the hopes I will make one. This year was the first year I actually made any Santa visit trip, my youngest is 6yo and this year was the first time I was well enough to see Santa with her, every other year my DH has taken her.

I try and be reasonable with bookings, though in the past I’ve booked big expenses experiences which apparently have been amazing but because I pay for 5 of us ( in the hope I get to go) it is ridiculously expensive £30/child & £15/adult then a second visit somewhere. This year I found somewhere that was £11/child, no fee for adults. It wasn’t as good apparently but it was enough, our second visit was at our local fire station adults free and all money goes to charity. It was actually more expensive to do the fire station visit @ £18/child. Most importantly I made both visits and I think I was far happier than my DDs. I’m paying for it now, I spent most of Christmas Day in bad and all of yesterday & today, but at least I can say I have take all my children to Santa at least once.

Lemonyyy · 27/12/2023 11:41

You don’t have to do any of it! It’s like life in general, people seem to think children need to be entertained and scheduled constantly and it’s making everyone really stressed. We always do the theatre in December and a big walk to see some charity Christmas lights, but that is it. I want to enjoy myself too, not make myself sick stressing about time and money all December.

I know people doing advent presents, so they’re spending £5-10 a DAY on their kids everyday of advent, absolutely mental, that’s my whole present budget! It comes from a good place of wanting to make their kids happy but sometimes more stuff ain’t it.

Sandia1 · 27/12/2023 11:47

I blame social media

NeedToChangeName · 27/12/2023 11:50

elf on the shelf, new pyjamas, a different outing every weekend, Christmas Eve boxes

All of this is optional. And driven by retailers wanting to make money. Fight back!

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 27/12/2023 11:51

My DS is 22 and I think there was a lot less even when he was younger - no Christmas Eve boxes or Elf on the Shelf. Didn't do visits to Santa as he was terrified of him when very young and not really interested when older . I remember doing Christmas crafts eg making decorations, cards etc and Christmas shopping trips would have a trip to pizza express .

No big trips out at weekends - the park up the road or maybe drive to alternative one, trip to grandmas, supermarket shop and maybe Sunday carvery or the cinema .

Lots of activities in school holidays as I worked term time but mostly low cost or free and we went away a few times a year, sometimes abroad, sometimes UK (including Butlins!).

Cwtshcwtsh · 27/12/2023 11:55

Sellingbedtime · 26/12/2023 22:39

Yes possibly. Some things seem unnecesesary or OTT. But I can understand why people do all these things. Especially with Christmas as it seems the years a child actually sees the magic in Christmas is getting shorter and shorter. Parents want to make the most of it.

Absolutely this. Mine are 6 and 2. I can’t believe the 6 year old is 6 already. The magic years are so short and I intend to make the most of every one. Some of it is simple stuff - we don’t have an elf but the invisible elves who help Father Christmas left Christmas Pyjamas on Christmas Eve so I sprinkled glitter elf footsteps up the stairs to their bedrooms. It was a small thing but they both found wonder in it.

Fetchthevet · 27/12/2023 12:19

My sil annoyed me a bit yesterday when she asked if we had trips planned for this week. Only because it made me think I should be going out when we don't really need to. My DC will be playing with his new toys, was I supposed to plan stuff for this week too? I've had enough excitement for a while!

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 27/12/2023 12:22

@Honeychickpea so the period of advent was originally more like lent, and then the 12 days of Christmas celebration ? I didn't know that.

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 27/12/2023 12:28

@user1477391263

That response to @Allthegoodnamesarechosen was uncalled for . She was responding to another poster's memory of Christmases growing up.