Christmas day "ruined" by nap

[Canonlythinkofthisone]

DH works long hours and shifts. I also work full time in a high pressure role. We barely cross paths between work and childcare, and have a rare 2 days off together for Christmas. We have one DD who is still too young to "fully" understand Christmas (this is her 2nd).

I was in the throws of PPD last Christmas and effort was minimal, so this year I've put alot of effort into the day (just the 3 of us).

He did make it home last night in time for bedtime (just) and dragged himself out of bed this morning so we could all go and check if santa had been. We had a lovely morning opening presents etc and all was well.

I asked him to keep DD out from under my feet whilst I cracked on with dinner. Dinner was always planned for just after DDs usual tea time of 4.30pm.

DD appeared in the kitchen mooching for some interaction. Stuck my head in the living room and DH has nodded off.

Gently woke him and asked him to keep an eye on DD again whilst I was busy. He stropped that he was entitled to be tired, and took himself to bed for a nap.
This is a man who regularly works 12 to 16 hour days without a nap, and hasn't taken a sick day in over a decade, for fear of "letting people down".

DD was too young to eat with us last year so this year I genuinely was looking forward to us all sitting down together to eat, crackers, silly hats etc. This really rarely happens as normally its only one of us home at a time with her.

DH has just woken up. After a 6hour nap. I'm not even angry. I'm just really sad. Me and DD ate together at 5pm. She's now in bed after a busy day and a fat roast dinner.

He's tried "apologising" by asking why I didn't wake him. I pointed out it's not my responsibility to wake a grown man for his dinner, he got mardy. I told him I was really disappointed that he can work all the time and not nap/take any time off/leave early etc, so there's clearly people he doesn't mind letting down, meaning me and DD. Wasted money and food, and a rare opportunity to sit as a family and enjoy Christmas lunch.

He's now moping round the kitchen washing the pots after microwaving his Christmas dinner and eating on his own. I get that he was tired but I just feel really sad. DD has had a wonderful day, and as we never eat together anyway, knows no different, I just feel like of all the days to just make an effort to be present, today was it.

But maybe IABU.

OP@Canonlythinkofthisone , you are being precious. She is only 2. Pack those silly hats and wear them tomorrow and take the photos that you probably want. Jeez.

I personally hate those who put so much efforts into prepping Christmas (usually no one asked them to) and then expect others not to have a relaxed Christmas, which is probably all they want.

From 4/5 years, yes, you can make more efforts for kids. It is like those who go over board with a child's first year spending beyond their means and being stressed.

With a small child, you could have started to prepare earlier whilst she was still asleep or yesterday even.

No 🤣 dunno where I said that. I started cooking about 1pm ish, maybe just after.

Hope you don't work in healthcare with that bedside manner!

tbh he must have been tired.

🤣🤣🤣
Laughing bit that one dinner together in a blue moon on a special occasions is deemed some sort of quest for a perfect life 🤣

FWIW, I don't do social media, presents were minimal (cause she's a baby and needs nothing other than random household objects she likes) and dinner was just a roast, with sprouts.

Oh and none of us have gotten out of our PJs today.

It was all s as bout YOU and what YOU wanted the day to be

My dh works 12 to 15 hr shifts and tbh once he's fallen asleep there's no way I can wake him. I feel your pain op, but as you said, if he can stay awake work then he can stay awake on one day.

This is a man who regularly works 12 to 16 hour days without a nap, and hasn't taken a sick day in over a decade

Definitely sounds like a man who doesn’t care about providing for his family.

Hedoesnt care about you or your child. No real man would be so uninvested. He will contihye disappointing you.. think carefully about a future with this person.

Personally I would reassess my life. You both sound exhausted. Can you reduce your hours a bit? We did (and. Massive hit in wages) to be able to spend more time with the DC when we weren't tired and got to enjoy them. It cost us in having a decent car/house/clothes/holidays/food but we got time. Now they are teens and don't want to spend much time we us we have upped the work.
I know might not be the case and many people are working every hour and still hand to mouth but just a thought.

YANBU , I'd absolutely go nuts.
If a grown man needs a 6 hour nap on Christmas day - or any day for that matter- there's something wrong.
Napping on Christmas day whilst others are slaving away is bone idle and selfish. I speak from knowledge as this happened in my house today (the nap wasn't that long! ).

Please don't feel bad or apologise.
I'm glad you and your DD managed to still have fun.

not ur job to wake him up. another self entitled arse who thinks he deserves to nap but his partner and kids don't.
like u said he managed to keep up appearances for
others but can't be arsed with u and the baby who is at the age of needing constant looked after.
i feel sorry on you and i hope u don't lift a bloody finger tomorrow in the house then go
out christmas sale shopping for 6 hours and get some well
deserved time to yourself. give him a taster of what it will be like without you if he carries on his selfish ways

I said YABU because I think you should have woken him to make your point. You deserve to be a priority.

If he slept for 6 hours, he must genuinely have been exhausted. It is unlikely to have been planned and sometimes the body just collapses when it gets a chance to rest.

You should have woken him up for the family meal and just enjoyed the day.

Why isn't it your responsibility on Christmas Day when DH went off for a nap? I'd wake up my DH, say dinners on the table in ten minutes and he would get up. It is your responsibility. The answer to the question 'am I my brother's keeper' is 'yes, you are'. If you had a miserable Christmas Day it is your fault because you choose to throw a strop about DH having a nap.

She should have woken him up. She didn't wake him up to make her point that he was being unhelpful. She defeated herself.

Zoom out to see the bigger picture here. Save your anger for a government which has fostered a society in which so many of us have to slog such long hours, to the detriment to our physical and emotional health and family life.
It all sounds exhausting, have compassion for both of you.

Can you not read??

She tried twice, well 3 times including when she got a mardy answer from him in the first instance. He set an alarm and even THAT didnt wake him.

What else was she meant to do?

Has everyone completely skipped over the part where she was cooking dinner AND looking after the kid while the husband got to nap? When he was asked to look after the kid, that one single job that he failed to do? Why does it always fall on the woman to do all the house and child related chores and the man gets to do what he likes because he works outside the house? We’re not in the bloody 1950s anymore. He should have got off his arse and looked after the kid while you did the cooking. That’s fair. Going to sleep and then putting the onus on the other adult to be responsible for your own sleep schedule is insane. He set himself up, he’s now trying the pass the blame. Don’t buy it.

yeah. Op is such a bitch wanting a husband who is awake and a dinner with her child on christmas day. The entitlement of some people!

Some of these replies are absolutely fucking bonkers!!
”you’re emotionally disconnected”
”you’ll be divorced before dd is in school”
”stop with the unnecessary demands and expectations of a perfect life”
MN is insane at times! Not sure how the posters commenting with the above and other such nonsense have made such judgements over the OP’s life/marriage from one thread!!
OP, I’d be annoyed/disappointed too, especially when you’ve clearly tried to wake him.
But I’m glad you’ve opened the chocolates and put a film on, it’s not worth ruining Christmas over. Hope you manage to relax with your family tomorrow, as surely dh will be doing the bulk of the childcare as he’s so well rested now 😂😉

Yes, poor tiredy H, works so hard whereas OP just sits there like a queen demanding peeled grapes.

Oh, actually SHE works too and has a toddler AND cooks the meals... But HE gets the sympathy from a lot of posters "oh he MUST be so tired", "he works so hard" etc etc. Unbelievable

I’m mystified at some of these replies.

Both partners work long hours in demanding jobs. However, OP still managed to prepare Christmas dinner while looking after a toddler. During this time her husband chose to take 6h nap.

Surely a 2h nap would have sufficed and he should have set up his own alarm. The OP is not his skivvy to cook his meal and then wake him up when it’s ready. She asked for a family meal on a special occasion, not at all unreasonable and required no effort on his part other than to cut his ridiculously long nap short and sit his ass on a chair to eat.

YANBU

Can't believe these comments that she should have woken him. When I desperately need a nap and can't keep my eyes open, I either give my husband a time to come wake me up by OR set an alarm. He chose to do neither.

Yes, he's clearly exhausted and needed the sleep but not like the OP doesn't work as long and as hard as her husband does. He's a grown man, it's not her responsibility to wake him up, especially after he gave her grief when she first woke him up.

Where is his responsibility in all of this? Is he not responsible for his own time keeping?