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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So upset with MIL

106 replies

meerrychristmas · 25/12/2023 18:02

It's nothing new, she's a two faced, manipulative, spiteful and very fake person and I keep my distance.

But now we have a baby so I can't keep as much distance as I previously could after the way she's treated me over the past 17 years.

It is our Daughters first Christmas, she's 7 months old. Didn't expect lots of presents, she doesn't understand and has no concept of Christmas. My Mum and Dad have paid for a chest of drawers for her room (we are moving to a 2 bed in January) and bought her a little toy to play with. DH's Dad paid for her high chair when we started weaning last month and again, bought a little toy for her to play with and put £50 in her savings account.

MIL who spends £11k on a holiday to Greece for a week, tells everyone how much everything costs "oh my husband bought me a gorgeous bracelet in town the other day, £450 it was!" "Guess how much our meal came to in the Italian last week? £280!" "Do you like my new wine fridge? It was £500" and has to put a price on everything, paid a lady £20 for some toys on Facebook marketplace.

Literally about 15/16 massive plastic toys that are scuffed, dirty, falling apart and not even appropriate for her age. A plastic rocking horse? She can't even crawl yet let alone sit on a rocking horse. It's just thoughtless.

I'm disgusted that she couldn't find it in her to buy her granddaughter (her only GC) a book, a new teether or even a couple of new babygrows whilst her Husbans walks around in a new Ralph Lauren jumper she bought him and she's tried to charge DH and his siblings £10 each for Boxing Day at hers with food 😂

Please tell me I'm not in the wrong here 🫣 I'm fuming.

OP posts:
AlizeeEasy · 25/12/2023 18:08

Kindly, I do think it’s a little strange to say that a baby doesn’t understand Christmas and in the same sentence be upset that your mil didn’t spend enough on her, like you said, it doesn’t matter at this age

user701 · 25/12/2023 18:08

Just say “oh it’s so great that she’ll have a set of toys to play with when we visit” and leave them all there.

AuntMarch · 25/12/2023 18:10

Cost wouldn't matter, but the lack of thought. The same £20 could have got a lovely present she could actually use!

Fuming is a bit ott though. Roll your eyes, take them to the charity shop and forget about it

Wayk · 25/12/2023 18:12

I fully understand how you are so upset. What a horrible woman. She could pick up new stuff in Black Friday sales & charging her children to eat is outrageous.

BrightYellowStar · 25/12/2023 18:12

The fact that the baby doesn’t understand yet is not, in my opinion, the point here.

The issue is the gifts she bought were thoughtless.

Toxic people are really not worth your thoughts/time OP. They spread misery where ever they go and will simply refuse to accept they are wrong.

As such, I’d simply put the “gifts” on free cycle or donate to a charity shop (if they are fit for that). Simply bin them otherwise.

If she asks about them in future simply respond that you’re not into encouraging your daughter to play with plastic toys.

GellerYeller · 25/12/2023 18:16

Is there a back story here? Does MIL have a big budget when her DH is paying (holidays, Italian meals, bracelets), but little of her own actual disposable money for items to gift to her family?
Sorry you’re stuck with the tat though.

Azandme · 25/12/2023 18:16

"But now we have a baby so I can't keep as much distance as I previously could after the way she's treated me over the past 17 years."

Oh you absolutely can.

"The hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world."

Busy. So busy. Baby classes, groups, seeing X person.

Ladybirder · 25/12/2023 18:17

it sounds like she’s an ‘all for show’ person, rather than thoughtful. She likely spends the money on expensive meals and holidays so she can brag (and who knows if she even spends that much - she might get it on discount and brag to the full amount). Chin up- she’s shown her colours, and set the precedent for second hand gifts (not that there’s anything wrong with that mind- love a charity shop find!). Buy her something second hand for Mother’s Day or her birthday!

Lurkingandlearning · 25/12/2023 18:18

Wow. She takes some beating for this year’s Christmas arsehole award. At least your baby is too young to know she was given rubbish presents. Can see why you’re angry about it though.

Glad you 🤣 about the £10 charge for food. Charging guests is always weird and rude but a tenner - wtf. It’s too small an amount to make a difference to her (most people) so why make the invitations transactional. I hope your husband asks for a pdf of the menu so he can decide if it is value for money 🤣🤣

Lurkingandlearning · 25/12/2023 18:20

Very much like PPs suggestion of leaving the toys at MIL house

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 25/12/2023 18:20

You clearly don't like her. So your DD can't use a rocking horse now but obviously will be able to in the future. If you're annoyed she didn't spend enough money on your DD then just say that

AuntMarch · 25/12/2023 18:23

OP says they are due to move into a 2 bed, I'd guess a rocking horse that won't be used for months isn't a priority when it comes to space! It wouldn't even be a gift I'd have appreciated when DC was the right age for that same reason.

Luxell934 · 25/12/2023 18:23

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 25/12/2023 18:20

You clearly don't like her. So your DD can't use a rocking horse now but obviously will be able to in the future. If you're annoyed she didn't spend enough money on your DD then just say that

This. She did buy her a gift, although not the ones you wanted.

Christmassss · 25/12/2023 18:29

I wouldn’t be fuming. It sounds like you’ve been given lots of help from the other grandparents so focus on that.

Olika · 25/12/2023 18:30

Just leave the toys at hers if that's where you are.

Cherrysoup · 25/12/2023 18:31

Charity shop/donate to women’s refuge/local baby group or take to the tip (pita, but you might not have the room in your new place). I saw a beautiful wooden rocking horse on FB marketplace for £30 last week.

Original poster
meerrychristmas · 25/12/2023 18:35

I'd rather her of put the £20 she spent into my DD's little savings account, DH has told her it all has to stay at hers. I would also of rather a family who aren't as fortunate as us have had the opportunity to pay £20 for all of those toys for their little one/ones.

Yes massive backstory, when I had a mental health crisis and was too ill to leave my bed she tried to encouraged DH to leave me, I'd had miscarriages and she told him that if he ever wanted to be a father then the kindest thing to do would be to divorce me so that he could get cracking with that as he's in his 30s. She regularly tries to humiliate me in front of people "oh I bought you a present but then decided it looks nice in my living room so I kept it" (a picture of my DH & DD) you get the gist.

I've cried so many tears over the years of being treated like this by her.

OP posts:
Closerandcloser · 25/12/2023 18:35

If they are worth washing and donating, do that, failing that, the bin.

Original poster
meerrychristmas · 25/12/2023 18:37

AlizeeEasy · 25/12/2023 18:08

Kindly, I do think it’s a little strange to say that a baby doesn’t understand Christmas and in the same sentence be upset that your mil didn’t spend enough on her, like you said, it doesn’t matter at this age

She could have spent that money on something useful for DD, like a couple of babygrows or some teething toys, or books. DD loves the lift the flap books and she knows this.

OP posts:
Original poster
meerrychristmas · 25/12/2023 18:39

GellerYeller · 25/12/2023 18:16

Is there a back story here? Does MIL have a big budget when her DH is paying (holidays, Italian meals, bracelets), but little of her own actual disposable money for items to gift to her family?
Sorry you’re stuck with the tat though.

She has lots of her own money, think thousands of cash stashed in hiding places around the house, mortgage paid off, a second home that they rent out etc. every week she has a new designer something that she posts on social media.

OP posts:
Christmassss · 25/12/2023 18:41

OP what does it matter what your MIL has or does with her money, you sound a bit obsessed with her finances?

Tinkerbyebye · 25/12/2023 18:41

user701 · 25/12/2023 18:08

Just say “oh it’s so great that she’ll have a set of toys to play with when we visit” and leave them all there.

This

WiddlinDiddlin · 25/12/2023 18:42

It's not about the monetary value though is it - if she'd spent a fiver on the perfect thing to amuse small child, that'd be better than lots on something useless. It is the total lack of thought!

BluebellsForest · 25/12/2023 18:43

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theduchessofspork · 25/12/2023 18:44

well the baby doesn’t care

She sounds nuts though. Charging for food is mad.

Just go as low contact as you can