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AIBU?

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Original poster

So upset with MIL

106 replies

meerrychristmas · 25/12/2023 18:02

It's nothing new, she's a two faced, manipulative, spiteful and very fake person and I keep my distance.

But now we have a baby so I can't keep as much distance as I previously could after the way she's treated me over the past 17 years.

It is our Daughters first Christmas, she's 7 months old. Didn't expect lots of presents, she doesn't understand and has no concept of Christmas. My Mum and Dad have paid for a chest of drawers for her room (we are moving to a 2 bed in January) and bought her a little toy to play with. DH's Dad paid for her high chair when we started weaning last month and again, bought a little toy for her to play with and put £50 in her savings account.

MIL who spends £11k on a holiday to Greece for a week, tells everyone how much everything costs "oh my husband bought me a gorgeous bracelet in town the other day, £450 it was!" "Guess how much our meal came to in the Italian last week? £280!" "Do you like my new wine fridge? It was £500" and has to put a price on everything, paid a lady £20 for some toys on Facebook marketplace.

Literally about 15/16 massive plastic toys that are scuffed, dirty, falling apart and not even appropriate for her age. A plastic rocking horse? She can't even crawl yet let alone sit on a rocking horse. It's just thoughtless.

I'm disgusted that she couldn't find it in her to buy her granddaughter (her only GC) a book, a new teether or even a couple of new babygrows whilst her Husbans walks around in a new Ralph Lauren jumper she bought him and she's tried to charge DH and his siblings £10 each for Boxing Day at hers with food 😂

Please tell me I'm not in the wrong here 🫣 I'm fuming.

OP posts:
FictionalCharacter · 26/12/2023 11:57

ManateeFair · 25/12/2023 18:50

As always on these threads, the faux naïveté of people pretending not to understand why the OP is upset is incredibly annoying.

It’s very obvious that the OP knows her daughter won’t understand presents at 7 months, and it’s also obvious that the OP isn’t bothered about the money itself but at the fact that her MIL has deliberately chosen to do this as a snub. The OP even says that something small like a book or a teether would have been absolutely fine; this isn’t greed on the OP’s part.

If someone constantly boasts about spending £280 on dinner etc and is clearly obsessed with showing off and buys her husband Ralph Lauren, it is clearly a very deliberate choice to give her grandchild some dirty, scuffed, falling-apart secondhand toys from Facebook Marketplace, and it was clearly done to send out a message to the OP. It was a shitty thing to do and she’s a horrible cow. It isn’t ’lack of thought’. She did this on purpose, not by accident.

I hope your DH and his siblings tell her to piss off re. her plan to charge them to visit her on Boxing Day too!

Exactly this.

Tandora · 26/12/2023 13:21

ChristmasEvemaddness · 25/12/2023 23:04

@Tandora in this instance mil has got very nice presents for other people that is the difference.

Were they 7months old? Maybe she thought these were nice presents for a 7 month old??
Since when is someone spending 20 £ on gifts for one’s infant classed as an egregious personal insult? I really don’t get it at all.

Nanaof1 · 27/12/2023 05:09

wronginalltherightways · 25/12/2023 19:13

100%

Alternatively, take a picture of the presents, post them on social media, and publicly thank her for them. You can restrict your audience to family members only.

Edited
Show quote history

I would put a picture of the toys up on MILs page with a "thank you", so all of MILs friends can see what a twat she is. Also, post it to your page, public or to all family and friends.

I mean, she would have no reason to feel embarrassed since she bought them, right?

Nanaof1 · 27/12/2023 05:24

DontLeanOnTheKeyboard · 26/12/2023 09:25

Not read the whole thread…but doesn’t the high chair count? Why separate presents from FIL and MIL? I agree a load of crap from FB is horrible, but they have already got a present for you with the high chair.

I can't believe you are that naive. Have you heard of parents who are divorced? Hence, saying, "DH's Dad" separately from MIL? FFS

Nanaof1 · 27/12/2023 05:36

meerrychristmas · 25/12/2023 18:35

I'd rather her of put the £20 she spent into my DD's little savings account, DH has told her it all has to stay at hers. I would also of rather a family who aren't as fortunate as us have had the opportunity to pay £20 for all of those toys for their little one/ones.

Yes massive backstory, when I had a mental health crisis and was too ill to leave my bed she tried to encouraged DH to leave me, I'd had miscarriages and she told him that if he ever wanted to be a father then the kindest thing to do would be to divorce me so that he could get cracking with that as he's in his 30s. She regularly tries to humiliate me in front of people "oh I bought you a present but then decided it looks nice in my living room so I kept it" (a picture of my DH & DD) you get the gist.

I've cried so many tears over the years of being treated like this by her.

I am really, really petty, so please forgive me.

If I were you, the next time I was at MILTB's house, I'd be sure to casually bring up the topic of guardianship and mention how you and DH are planning to name your Mom and Dad as guardians for your child in case anything ever happens to you both. Gush about how much your DD would still be loved and cared for by them. (Of course, first, establish a guardian for your DD. If you don't and the unthinkable DID happen, your MIL could end up with your DD).

Like I said, I am petty and would be nasty right back to her. I'd give her cheap-azzed gifts every single time. A used 3 wick candle is one idea, a partial bottle of perfume, a half used bottle of hand lotion. You could have a contest as to who could give the most horrid gift. At least then, you'd be amused.

I'd also invite yours and DH's siblings to your house for Boxing Day next year, so you can all escape the "feed-for-fee" meal. I wouldn't invite MILTB or her DH though.

mottytotty · 27/12/2023 07:11

DH has told her it all has to stay at hers.

Good! How did she react to that?

Seriously limit your exposure to her. Don’t invite her to your house. If DH wants to see her he can host her or take baby to see her.

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