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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To casually mention to my neighbour about his coughing

242 replies

Coughing79 · 24/12/2023 21:33

A new neighbour has recently moved into the flat below me. He's about 35. I've noticed that he literally coughs every few mins and unfortunately I can hear it. I was hoping it would be a cold or flu thing he has and that it would eventually stop but it's been like this for a couple weeks.
I will be reading quietly in my bedroom and all of a sudden get startled by his coughing. I'm finding it really triggering and it's irritating me .
It's a really awkward one as coughing is involuntary but that doesn't make it any less annoying for me.
I can't move as I have another year left on my lease. I've bought noise cancelling ear plugs from Amazon.
Would it be really bad if next time I get talking to him ,I asked if he is ok, as I notice he has been coughing quite a lot? Hoping that this will maybe make him try and be a bit quieter or something.
Or do I just learn to live with this.

OP posts:
OhwhyOY · 24/12/2023 23:33

Sounds like misophonia. YABU. But it doesn't mean you aren't suffering. Sorry for you and your neighbour.

Allfur · 24/12/2023 23:33

I agree op, it would drive me nuts

Original poster
Coughing79 · 24/12/2023 23:36

I just looked up Misophnia, I had never heard of it before but it could certainly explain my strong annoyance at his coughing

OP posts:
Original poster
Coughing79 · 24/12/2023 23:38

My mum does this annoying sound with her mouth sometimes that makes me want to rage inside when I hear it

OP posts:
Neitheronethingnortheother · 24/12/2023 23:38

Allfur · 24/12/2023 23:32

I'm not sure being annoyed by the sounds of bodily functions means one can't have a relationship, that's a kinda mean thing to say

The OP is moaning about something that might be killing the man or at least might be a chronic condition that makes his life more miserable as evidenced by anecdotes from posters on this thread

But instead of acknowledging that she is still moaning about how horrible it sounds and how it makes her angry

But sure I'm the mean one for pointing out that she might need to yet used to "hearing bodily functions" if she wants to be in a relationship

If the mere sound of coughing is making her this angry then yes this is an issue she needs to sort out if she plans on living in near proximity to someone. This is not a normal or proportionate reaction

Original poster
Coughing79 · 24/12/2023 23:38

I also hate loud exaggerated sneezing that my dad does

OP posts:
OhwhyOY · 24/12/2023 23:39

@Coughing79 my friend has misophonia. She's the sweetest person but lip smacking/loud chewing genuinely makes her want to hit people. Therapy has helped but it's still hard for her.

snowplacelikehome1 · 24/12/2023 23:40

Eating with mouths open seems to be the norm nowadays too. It used to be considered rude. It seems times have changed though and although I still find it revolting, I think I’m in the minority now 😔

Original poster
Coughing79 · 24/12/2023 23:40

However my son had a cough for 2 weeks recently and it didn't bother me

OP posts:
PaperDoIIs · 24/12/2023 23:41

Triggering? Seriously? Have you previously been attacked but deranged coughing killer clowns?

Original poster
Coughing79 · 24/12/2023 23:41

The flat below was empty whilst my son was coughing, the new person hadn't moved in yet

OP posts:
Damonalbarnsbigtoe · 24/12/2023 23:41

Gosh I hope the poor guy doesn’t have a serious health condition that is causing it and a very unsympathetic neighbour to boot! Of course you ABVU, have some thoughts for someone else’s suffering, I’m sure he’s really not enjoying it either!

Original poster
Coughing79 · 24/12/2023 23:43

@snowplacelikehome1 I find that revolting as well and chewing sounds . I think I just hate bodily functions of other people , I'm fine with my son and anything he does

OP posts:
Original poster
Coughing79 · 24/12/2023 23:43

@OhwhyOY lip smacking drives me up the wall

OP posts:
Erberts · 24/12/2023 23:44

If you knocked on my door about my cough, I would laugh in your face then slam the door in it.

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea · 24/12/2023 23:46

But what if he is equally disgusted every time he hears you go to the loo? Have you considered how that makes him feel?

ColleenDonaghy · 24/12/2023 23:57

Seriously OP, he's coughing in the privacy of his own home, there is absolutely nothing you can do about that.

What you can help is your own reaction - we all know that sometimes we let something get under our skin and so every little thing about it annoys us. You need to do your hear to train yourself to ignore the coughing. Every time you find yourself getting irritated tell yourself "no, I'm going to ignore it and not let myself be annoyed" and then hopefully over time you'll stop noticing it as much.

mawik · 25/12/2023 00:05

Both my parents died of Mesothelioma 12 years apart, I would do anything to hear thier awful consistent coughing just one more time!
OP please give your neighbour some slack! You have no idea if he has a similar life limiting condition!

ithinkthatmaybeimdreaming · 25/12/2023 00:05

You want someone with a cough to do it quietly because it annoys you???!!!!

Honestly, the intolerance of some people astounds me.

NestaArcheron · 25/12/2023 00:19

Erberts · 24/12/2023 23:44

If you knocked on my door about my cough, I would laugh in your face then slam the door in it.

Same - and probably cough.

EdinGirl · 25/12/2023 00:27

Coughing79 · 24/12/2023 23:21

@EdinGirl thank you! Yes I really hate it when people sneeze ridiculously loudly, my dad actually does that and it's sooo annoying

I know, it's actually obnoxious how loud some people are.
Don't get me started on the sneezing 😭

And I guarantee if half the people here had to live with it constantly they wouldn't be quite so "chill".

But you get that with Mumsnet. It's a competition to be the coolest "cool girl" who nothing bothers.

I think a lot of people here get a kick out of denying things would bother anyone, just to make the OP look insane.
It's an interesting pattern I've noticed over the years 😂

Ofcourseshecan · 25/12/2023 00:28

Coughing79 · 24/12/2023 21:41

@TigerRag honestly? Maybe be a bit more aware that someone lives above him and try and be a bit quieter when he coughs if that's possible.

Unbelievable.

OP, do you realise that people can’t usually control a cough? And that no one coughs for the fun of it? And that it frequently hurts, and is accompanied by other unpleasant symptoms of ill-health?

Neitheronethingnortheother · 25/12/2023 00:44

EdinGirl · 25/12/2023 00:27

I know, it's actually obnoxious how loud some people are.
Don't get me started on the sneezing 😭

And I guarantee if half the people here had to live with it constantly they wouldn't be quite so "chill".

But you get that with Mumsnet. It's a competition to be the coolest "cool girl" who nothing bothers.

I think a lot of people here get a kick out of denying things would bother anyone, just to make the OP look insane.
It's an interesting pattern I've noticed over the years 😂

Show quote history

And I guarantee if half the people here had to live with it constantly they wouldn't be quite so "chill".

If you had to live with really bad asthma or copd or other chronic lung conditions constantly you probably wouldn't be quite so chill with someone suggesting your coughing was annoying and you should just cough quieter either

In fact you are essentially denying that would bother you in order to make the posters with chronic lung conditions look insane. I hope you are happy in your "cool girl" corner

Kaleidoscopeofbutterflies · 25/12/2023 00:50

My fourth bout of covid gave me a cough for three months.. l managed to put a sorry note through my neighbours door.. luckily she's a nurse and works shifts.. ( was my last year on her ward).. she sent a lovely note back wishing me well.
Give it three months then ask if there is anything you can do to help him.. and if he's seen his GP.

TheDogThatBarked · 25/12/2023 00:53

Hi OP,

My lovely DNeighbour had a terrible cough after having Covid. It went on for ages. Another neighbour could hear him and felt the same way as you do. She came to his door and had a real go at him. A lot of people on the street heard. It was really unpleasant to listen to. She said all the things you've said, and the words 'consideration for others' were repeated a lot. She ranted a great deal about how it made her feel. She thought he should be exercising more control. My lovely DNeighbour was calm and polite throughout.
Soon after, he was diagnosed with advanced lung cancer.
Not so long after that we stopped having to hear him cough, because his treatment had failed and he'd gone into a hospice. Soon after that he died. I'm sad he's dead - he wasn't very old, and he's left a young widow and family behind. They're struggling without him. For this reason, I'm struggling to feel any sympathy for your predicament.