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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To casually mention to my neighbour about his coughing

242 replies

Coughing79 · 24/12/2023 21:33

A new neighbour has recently moved into the flat below me. He's about 35. I've noticed that he literally coughs every few mins and unfortunately I can hear it. I was hoping it would be a cold or flu thing he has and that it would eventually stop but it's been like this for a couple weeks.
I will be reading quietly in my bedroom and all of a sudden get startled by his coughing. I'm finding it really triggering and it's irritating me .
It's a really awkward one as coughing is involuntary but that doesn't make it any less annoying for me.
I can't move as I have another year left on my lease. I've bought noise cancelling ear plugs from Amazon.
Would it be really bad if next time I get talking to him ,I asked if he is ok, as I notice he has been coughing quite a lot? Hoping that this will maybe make him try and be a bit quieter or something.
Or do I just learn to live with this.

OP posts:
happyinherts · 24/12/2023 23:11

When did people become so rude, selfish and entitled?

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea · 24/12/2023 23:11

Jesus Christ OP - he provokes a reaction in you. That is NOT triggering. Stop being such a drama llama.

Original poster
Coughing79 · 24/12/2023 23:12

Ok so I didn't understand the exact definition of triggering. Big deal!
Technically speaking it is triggering a feeling and reaction in me

OP posts:
Bornonsunday · 24/12/2023 23:14

YABU for using "triggered" to describe being annoyed.

Being triggered would be if it gave you flashbacks a past traumatic event. It's a specific psychological term that is directly linked to past trauma.

Being annoyed or angry isnt the same as being triggered at all.

happyinherts · 24/12/2023 23:14

OP, why don't you seek therapy?

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea · 24/12/2023 23:16

No, words have meanings, that's why we have so many of them. And people misusing them minimises their impact. He provokes a reaction, he causes you to feel a certain way, he annoys you, he irritates you, etc.
He does NOT trigger you to a previously traumatic event from which you have PTSD. So yes, it is a big deal.

ChateauDuMont · 24/12/2023 23:16

Could you buy him an aversion collar similar to the ones for dogs who bark so that every time he coughs he gets a vibration to his neck as it emits a high pitched whistle?

Original poster
Coughing79 · 24/12/2023 23:16

@happyinherts therapy for being irritated by incessant coughing? Yeah sure

OP posts:
happyinherts · 24/12/2023 23:17

Yes, because you keep mention it 'triggers' you - it angers you. That is a real need for therapy. You need help.

Original poster
Coughing79 · 24/12/2023 23:18

@happyinherts it angers me because I don't want to hear his bodily functions constantly, it gives me the ick

OP posts:
Gravelshoveling · 24/12/2023 23:18

Do you understand how coughing works, OP??
You can’t be “quieter”when coughing. It’s a reflex.

If it’s any consolation, I once had a very bad cold which left me with a bad cough for around 3 months, so hopefully his isn’t a chronic thing either.

You could ask about his cough but don’t expect him to tone it down, he cant and he can’t help it.
You'll just have to live with it for now.

Wear ear plugs or listen to music to help you sleep.

snowplacelikehome1 · 24/12/2023 23:19

One in 5 people suffer with misophonia in the UK apparently.

happyinherts · 24/12/2023 23:19

Yes, you are rude, selfish, inconsiderate, defensive and OTT - you do need therapy. Or just move.

EdinGirl · 24/12/2023 23:19

That would drive me INSANE.

And a lot of men cough loudly with zero care or effort to be quiet. My husband is one of them and I tell him I am going to smother him.

I would definitely mention it in a "concerned" way and hopefully he will be more aware/do something about it.

SheilaWilde · 24/12/2023 23:19

It's not triggering anything in you!

You're cross at someone coughing.
That's it.
No triggering.

Original poster
Coughing79 · 24/12/2023 23:21

@EdinGirl thank you! Yes I really hate it when people sneeze ridiculously loudly, my dad actually does that and it's sooo annoying

OP posts:
brainworms · 24/12/2023 23:22
Biscuit
StaunchMomma · 24/12/2023 23:23

Bloody hell, OP! Entitled much?!

He's ILL, ffs! This cough that's going around goes on for ages.

Mentioning it will just make you look like a self-centred arse, as it has done here.

Horriblewoman · 24/12/2023 23:27

FFS.

I’ve had a cough for three weeks and there have been times when I’ve been awake for hours unable to sleep for coughing having taken all of the drugs that I’ve really hoped that my neighbour can’t hear me. But at the same time I would be mortified if they challenged me for it when I’ve got an illness that I’m trying to get rid of.

im not enjoying it, I’m not doing it for the thrill of winding them up! I’d just like to spend an hour being able to breathe properly.

StaunchMomma · 24/12/2023 23:27

Coughing79 · 24/12/2023 23:18

@happyinherts it angers me because I don't want to hear his bodily functions constantly, it gives me the ick

Bodily function?!

It's a fucking COUGH! It's involuntary!

Neitheronethingnortheother · 24/12/2023 23:28

I presume you plan on staying single OP? If hearing a bodily function like coughing gives you the ick and makes you actually angry then I have no idea how you would cope living with someone else!

PeloMom · 24/12/2023 23:29

Our whole family went one by one through a coughing bug that lasted 3-4 weeks each time. Maybe appear concerned but hopefully you have peace and quiet in the next week or two and he feels better

Original poster
Coughing79 · 24/12/2023 23:32

@Neitheronethingnortheother I'm fine if a partner has a cough, I just don't want to hear a stranger's cough constantly

OP posts:
Allfur · 24/12/2023 23:32

I'm not sure being annoyed by the sounds of bodily functions means one can't have a relationship, that's a kinda mean thing to say

Desecratedcoconut · 24/12/2023 23:33

Jesus, how precious are you? 🙄

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