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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To casually mention to my neighbour about his coughing

242 replies

Coughing79 · 24/12/2023 21:33

A new neighbour has recently moved into the flat below me. He's about 35. I've noticed that he literally coughs every few mins and unfortunately I can hear it. I was hoping it would be a cold or flu thing he has and that it would eventually stop but it's been like this for a couple weeks.
I will be reading quietly in my bedroom and all of a sudden get startled by his coughing. I'm finding it really triggering and it's irritating me .
It's a really awkward one as coughing is involuntary but that doesn't make it any less annoying for me.
I can't move as I have another year left on my lease. I've bought noise cancelling ear plugs from Amazon.
Would it be really bad if next time I get talking to him ,I asked if he is ok, as I notice he has been coughing quite a lot? Hoping that this will maybe make him try and be a bit quieter or something.
Or do I just learn to live with this.

OP posts:
Lilithlogic · 24/12/2023 22:32

What exactly is it triggering? Apart from annoyance

VladimirVsVolodymyr · 24/12/2023 22:34

Krampussy · 24/12/2023 22:26

I'm autistic and a tic I have had my whole life is throat clearing. It's not uncommon in people with autism.

I probably do it about 30 times a day.

My son had bad allergies and used to clear his throat a lot. One day he was in the car with a family we carshare with and the dad told his son to tell my son to stop 'doing that'. That was the last time my child car shared with them . A simple 'are you ok' would have shown empathy instead of what he said.

Rewis · 24/12/2023 22:35

A dew weeks? I wouldn't pretend to show concern. 6 months in? Sure.

scoutingfor · 24/12/2023 22:36

Coughing79 · 24/12/2023 22:23

@AnotherAdventFridge I'm triggered simply because it's a horrible nasty sound , well his cough is, I'm not saying all coughs are like that

Edited

What is it triggering?

Original poster
Coughing79 · 24/12/2023 22:37

@scoutingfor it's making me angry when I hear it

OP posts:
Winnading · 24/12/2023 22:37

Coughing79 · 24/12/2023 22:08

@Winnading it's triggering because it's not a nice sound to have to listen to constantly, I would rather he played music or had the TV on and have to listen to that instead. It's also startling because it stops and starts a few minutes later. I'm allowed to be annoyed by it.

Gods sake, what is it triggering in you?
Are you startled?
Are you jumping in fear?
Are you pissed off?
Are you pissing yourself?
Are you coughing yourself?

Triggering what?

Frankly if you could explain it, the power of mumsnet can think of many things to help.

Whatever its triggering in you, it wont stop him coughing, so you'll have to learn to live with it. We can help with that.

Lilithlogic · 24/12/2023 22:38

Coughing79 · 24/12/2023 22:37

@scoutingfor it's making me angry when I hear it

This has got to be a wind up

Original poster
Coughing79 · 24/12/2023 22:39

@Winnading it's seriously pissing me off every time I hear it

OP posts:
AlwaysAuntie · 24/12/2023 22:40

I've been coughing for a year or so now, unfortunately it's quite a loud, barking type of cough. There's absolutely nothing I can do about the sound and if I try suppressing it it just gets worse.

It's annoying and deeply embarrassing. I dread being out in public because of the judgment.

I've been back and forth to the doctor's, had numerous tests, inhalers, medication and am due to go for a lung function test. Long Covid has been suggested as a possibility.

Maybe your neighbour is aware that his coughing is loud, and has sought medical advice, but is literally unable to do anything about it.

scoutingfor · 24/12/2023 22:40

Coughing79 · 24/12/2023 22:37

@scoutingfor it's making me angry when I hear it

I don't think k you understand what 'triggered' means. It doesn't mean getting pissed off at your neighbours.

Blessedbethefruitz · 24/12/2023 22:40

I have a cough September/October through March. Annually. I'm asthmatic, take heavy duty steroids, daily throughout winter, and antihistamines year round. I don't cough for fun, and there is sweet fa i can do about the noise beyond coughing into a pillow. I co sleep with 2 littles, and they sleep through it fine. I'm sure you'll adjust if it's a chronic issue, and be glad it's not you...

Lilithlogic · 24/12/2023 22:40

Sounds like op could piss herself off in an empty room

TheShellBeach · 24/12/2023 22:40

Oh behave yourself OP

Hello39 · 24/12/2023 22:41

My poor family has had to listen to me cough for 2 weeks (no one has complained). I can't help it and you can't really cough quietly any more than you can sneeze quietly!

GP did say if it's not gone in 2 weeks to go for a chest x-ray so maybe ask him how he is and if he has seen a doctor.

Krampussy · 24/12/2023 22:41

Coughing79 · 24/12/2023 22:39

@Winnading it's seriously pissing me off every time I hear it

You you you.

Are you listening to any of the reasons people are giving you? There are dozens of genuine reasons he may be coughing.

DressingGownHeidi · 24/12/2023 22:42

If he tries to not cough that will probably make the coughing worse.

Sidebeforeself · 24/12/2023 22:42

Yes , he’s been coughing for weeks and his first thought should be about you and your comfort?!!

Original poster
Coughing79 · 24/12/2023 22:42

I even bought noise cancelling ear plugs as it's bothering me so much

OP posts:
DressingGownHeidi · 24/12/2023 22:43

Are you suffering from misophonia OP?

Teder · 24/12/2023 22:43

Coughing79 · 24/12/2023 22:37

@scoutingfor it's making me angry when I hear it

Seasons greetings to you!

JamieJ93 · 24/12/2023 22:44

Why don't your knock on and ask him to put his head down the toilet everytime he needs to cough, as it is very "triggering" to you,
Get a grip 😂

feellikeanalien · 24/12/2023 22:44

I hope you're not serious OP. My DP had a terrible cough. He died of lung cancer.

scoutingfor · 24/12/2023 22:47

Coughing79 · 24/12/2023 22:42

I even bought noise cancelling ear plugs as it's bothering me so much

Return them, they are clearly faulty.

Yousay55 · 24/12/2023 22:48

I think it’s ok to ask if he’s ok as you’ve noticed that he’s coughing a lot.

Original poster
Coughing79 · 24/12/2023 22:48

Ok well even though I'm getting completely hammered on here , I'm still glad I posted as it's made me realize I can't say anything to him about it

OP posts:
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