To refuse to go in extra on boxing day because they kept my bonus?

[Housekeeperbatcocoa]

I'm not sure where to start with this one, sorry!

I work as a private housekeeper on a large farm/estate. The lady who owns the house is and always has been difficult and demanding, as is the rest of the family. She's been in and out of hospital this year with various injuries and I've been working my backside off to help - even going in on an evening to close the house up for her because she couldn't walk and none of her family would help her!

She's back in hospital atm and her daughters have also been putting on me in various ways - shopping runs for them, constant texts about stuff and just basically treating me like a skivvy from the Downton Abby days!

I accidentally saw a message saying she'd planned to give me £30 bonus for Christmas. When I left yesterday the oldest daughter gave me a card which I assumed had my bonus. Said thank you, came home. Just got around to opening it and the envelope had clearly been opened and there's no money in it.

That's fine - people can change their minds and if they have it is what it is. Though part of me can't help but think the oldest daughter has taken the money from the card 🙁 can't prove it, obviously, but that's what my gut says 😕

But they've just messaged me to say I need to go in on boxing day to "sort the dogs out". She wants me to go for 7am because no one else will be there.

I haven't answered yet but I feel like telling them to get stuffed and just not going back.

I've got a new job lined up for Feb and while it would be tight, I could manage without this one for the month!

Also 30 quid is not generous! We spent much more than that (including a cash gift) on the staff at my son’s nursery each and we’re not nearly as rich.

DM has Alzheimer’s and has a carer/housekeeper 9:00-16:00 5 days per week. My DB lives there and does nights and I cover one day and night at the weekend.

Carer has offered to come in on Christmas Day and Boxing Day, as it will keep my DM’s routine steady (a quiet Christmas) in order not to overwhelm DM.

This is obviously beyond her contract and very, very much appreciated by us all - even if DM is oblivious.

Her bonus is:

1. A months salary
2. A weeks holiday (paid) in March in Madeira at a good hotel - includes all travel and food.

DM has been in and out of hospital this year with UTI and delirium. Carer has run a lot of extra errands, visited DM and generally been wonderful. We want her to know how much we appreciate her AND we want her to stay.

Good housekeepers and carers (especially for elderly relatives) are like gold dust and only an idiot would not let them know how much they are appreciated.

Did they ask nicely or just assume/demand?

The first, I’d be replying: unfortunately, as explained before I will not be available until 27th.

If there was even the slightest whiff of entitlement they would be getting an equally bad mannered reply!

That’s ridiculous of them. Definitely leave and tell them why!

Wow. I work part time for a charity and am a carer on carers allowance. I spent about that much getting small gifts for the people who help my son every day. Much bigger proportion of my income overall in comparison but money well spent if ithey feel appreciated for all they do for us.

Sorry, hijacking a bit, my elderly parents got a cleaner for the first time this year, she comes once a fortnight and has lots of other clients. She's good and they like her.

I asked them if they've given her a Christmas box and they said yes, wine and chocolates. From reading this thread it seems this is stingy, they should perhaps have given her a week's cleaning fee? Oh dear.

“As per previous discussions I am not available until 27th December”

Is this the employer who accused you of stealing? If so why the eff are you still there and why are you even considering pleasing them as you are leaving in 2 months? MADNESS

Because I need money coming in and Feb is when the new house is ready - the family there haven't moved up yet so I can't start any sooner!

Op, you're not going to do it are you?!

just re-frame it. If you go, you will be letting down your actual family who all love you and want to spend time with you to please people who couldn't give a crap about you or your children. Put you first! Say NO!

Wine and chocolates sounds lovely , and as she's a 1/14 days employee I'd say she'd be delighted with this .

Those giving cash , what about the tax implications ? Bonuses from a company have a high tax level ( don't know exactly how much , I work NHS no bonus )

I am absolutely 100% not going! I've got a very dear friend visiting who I don't get to see often (she lives in Canada!) and I'm not missing a minute with her!

£30? I’d only go back to shove it up her arse. NOTHING would induce me to go in Boxing Day, congratulations on your new job.

I’d reply ‘ok’.
Don’t show up. Text them later in morning saying you’re in bed ill, obviously not coming in. And won’t be until further notice.
Fuck them. They deserve it. Assholes.

Whatever you decide to do and if you don't need a reference please ensure your employer and her daughters know just how awfully mean they are.

When / what did they accuse you of stealing ?

Congratulations on getting a new job away from these piss-taking, miserly, entitled utter arses.

That is a terrible bonus! I would say you’re not available/travelling and ignore/block further messages.

We give our fortnightly cleaner a weeks’ wages as bonus and when we had a nanny, it was two weeks full time salary.

£30?! What a Scrooge, that's appalling!

I'm 'staff' and was given £1k and an F&M hamper, which is exactly how it should be, not effing £30 😠I'm furious on your behalf.

The bonus is rubbish, but Id reply back now saying, as per previous discussion I won't be returning until 27th. Then dont respond to any another message.

They sound rude and entitled.

Entitled twunts. Don’t even reply

You do know that if you go in on the 26th , it won't be just to "sort the dogs out " there will be 1001 other things .

Part of me would think "Sort your own bloody dogs" but then I;m thinking the dogs will be cross legged and hungry .

Text them back to say you aren't going in, otherwise they might just assume you'll turn up as you;ve read their message .

The bonus is one thing, but the key thing was that you already told them that you were away on the 26th so this is quite simple - just say you are sadly away that day. Don’t over think it.

How much do you get paid for a week?

Definitely don't go in on Boxing Day. Well done op. Thank god you've got another job lined up!

It would be better if the dogs would have weed / shat all over their expensive rugs/ furniture!
The dogs will be fine, one morning/ day. I’d definitely say ‘ok’ and just don’t show up. These assholes have it coming