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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want poorly people here for Xmas?

127 replies

Missingmybabysomuch · 23/12/2023 14:34

OK so I'm meant to be hosting my parents for Xmas. However my dad has come down with some sort of horrible illness.
Don't know what it is for sure. If it isn't covid it must be flu or something. He is feverish, hot and cold, shaking uncontrollably, sweaty, pounding headache, body aches, hasn't been out of bed etc.
This is the AIBU. I mentioned that it might be best if they don't come for Xmas. I have 2 DC, one is only 6 months old, and quite frankly I just don't want us all to get ill. The baby has already had endless viral crap for the last few weeks so we've barely slept and I can't cope with her catching something else.
But my parents are making me feel guilty and unreasonable for not wanting them to come.
I adore my parents and was really looking forward to it but I also don't want to get any of us to catch it.

OP posts:
CactusPat · 23/12/2023 14:35

YANBU anyway, but especially not with young kids in the mix.

MadamVastra · 23/12/2023 14:35

Unless he makes a recovery Jesus style it's a no from me

Dotjones · 23/12/2023 14:36

YANBU, they're wrong for wanting to expose you to this illness.

Almahart · 23/12/2023 14:36

YANBU and they are being completely ridiculous.

Tracker1234 · 23/12/2023 14:36

Honestly no.. why would they think it ok to come? What about postponing until after Xmas?

Kitchenwitchery · 23/12/2023 14:37

YANBU. Can you offer to "reschedule" Christmas and have them over for dinner and to exchange gifts in a week or so? Obviously go ahead with your Christmas but host a very mini-Christmas for them also. And if it's too much work you could even just get a takeaway and put some Christmas crackers wih it.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 23/12/2023 14:38

Definitely don’t.

I had family here last one. One didn’t mention that they had “a cold” and came anyway. Turned out to be Covid - they have passed it to me, I’m been pretty ill with it (fluey) and had to miss a booked and much looked forward to holiday.

Even if not Covid - if you feel ill don’t go to someone’s house - you’ll likely pass it on and then they’ll get ill!

Outwiththenorm · 23/12/2023 14:39

Good grief! Of course YANBU. What a selfish suggestion by your parents.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 23/12/2023 14:39

Also surely if your dad’s that ill he won’t feel like visiting?

justalittlesnoel · 23/12/2023 14:40

If he's that ill why on earth would he want to be anywhere but bed??

Are they local enough to run some plates of food too?

moderationincludingmoderation · 23/12/2023 14:40

If it was the other way around and you were going to theirs and your kids were sick, what would they say?
Are they the types to say no thanks maybe best to swerve?

It's hard because there are SO many viruses about. It feels like every other person I know has one at the moment... so somewhat 'unavoidable' anyway unless you're very isolated...
But I dont think YBU. The rule in our fanily and extended family is if you are really poorly with obvious symptoms, you stay away, whatever the illness.

Savedpassword · 23/12/2023 14:40

YANBU. People are so bloody selfish. Although it’s still 2 days until Christmas so perhaps he’ll be recovered/not contagious by then.

ilovesooty · 23/12/2023 14:43

Don't blame you. I wouldn't want them to come either.

blackpanth · 23/12/2023 14:45

YANBU

NeverTrustAPoliceman · 23/12/2023 14:47

Move Christmas to New Year. We hardly eve do "Christmas" on the 25th and yet the world still turns.

Best wishes for your little one, it does eventually improve as they build up resistance.

Evilcold · 23/12/2023 14:47

Postpone the visit and tell him you will celebrate with him when he is better and can enjoy it. Make a hard line.

riotlady · 23/12/2023 14:47

YANBU and aside from anything else, it sounds like the best place for your dad is in his own bed not traipsing around to someone else’s house!

Original poster
Missingmybabysomuch · 23/12/2023 14:47

To answer a few points
He is currently too unwell to want to go anywhere but they weren't coming until Xmas morning so chances are he will be better enough to come by then, but not necessarily better enough to not pass it on. I don't know of many viral infections that are only contagious for 2 days.
I'm asking because they make me feel like I'm "funny about germs" and when I said it's a shame they replied huffily "well it's YOUR choice". The other difficulty is we can't really wait until Xmas day to make a choice because obviously if they aren't coming here then mum and dad will need to get some food in for themselves for Xmas day.

OP posts:
SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 23/12/2023 14:47

I can understand why they wouldn't want to miss Christmas with the DGC but it's a definite no from me. Offer to FaceTime them at some point and arrange another date when they can come over and exchange presents.

Irridescantshimmmer · 23/12/2023 14:47

Your baby has the right to be protected from illnesses, especially as they are so young. It takes 7 years for a chlld's immune system to develope so don't you go allowing them to guilt trip you over it, you are on the right track.

Any good parent would do the same and your baby has not got the words yet to say this but no baby wants to be unwell regardless of the time of the year.

Who in the right mind would subject themselves, whilst quite ill on a family with a young baby?

sleepyscientist · 23/12/2023 14:53

Irridescantshimmmer · 23/12/2023 14:47

Your baby has the right to be protected from illnesses, especially as they are so young. It takes 7 years for a chlld's immune system to develope so don't you go allowing them to guilt trip you over it, you are on the right track.

Any good parent would do the same and your baby has not got the words yet to say this but no baby wants to be unwell regardless of the time of the year.

Who in the right mind would subject themselves, whilst quite ill on a family with a young baby?

Have a look at the hygiene hypothesis, we exposed DS to everything from being young. He hasn't inherited our allergies.

What are your plans post Xmas OP. We would be torn between having them over and risking missing new year plans vs just getting on with it. We've avoided illness before Xmas to have the great grandparents over however new year you can bring whatever lurgy you want as seeing people is more important than being well in January.

MILTOBE · 23/12/2023 14:55

How far are they from you? If they're quite nearby, could you do some shopping for them?

I wouldn't want them in my house if your dad is so poorly. He sounds as though he'd be better off at home, too.

Blinkityblonk · 23/12/2023 14:57

Oh this would be a no from from me, sounds like he has flu or Covid! It's just one day, any other day can be that day!

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 23/12/2023 14:58

Have a look at the hygiene hypothesis, we exposed DS to everything from being young. He hasn't inherited our allergies

It's not just the baby you have to protect from influenza though is it? I had it in my 29s and ended up with severe complications and being off work for three and a half months. Other people on the same ward, also fit and healthy in their 20s died. One was a OE Teacher.

If it is influenza, and it sounds as though it could be, they should both stay at home unless they need medical attention.

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 23/12/2023 14:58

*20s