To not want poorly people here for Xmas?

[Missingmybabysomuch]

OK so I'm meant to be hosting my parents for Xmas. However my dad has come down with some sort of horrible illness.
Don't know what it is for sure. If it isn't covid it must be flu or something. He is feverish, hot and cold, shaking uncontrollably, sweaty, pounding headache, body aches, hasn't been out of bed etc.
This is the AIBU. I mentioned that it might be best if they don't come for Xmas. I have 2 DC, one is only 6 months old, and quite frankly I just don't want us all to get ill. The baby has already had endless viral crap for the last few weeks so we've barely slept and I can't cope with her catching something else.
But my parents are making me feel guilty and unreasonable for not wanting them to come.
I adore my parents and was really looking forward to it but I also don't want to get any of us to catch it.

It’s sad that your parents would want to risk you and your family especially the baby catching the illness, all over one day!! YANBU! Couldn’t imagine my parents being like this.

I read it as poor instead of poorly and quite right I wouldn't want either round my house at Christmas or any time of the year.

'Oh I'm so sorry you're poorly, I know you won't want to let us all get it too, I'll make up two plates and pop them round on Christmas Day so you won't miss out. Hope you're feeling better soon x'

Can you plate a dinner up for them and drop off or are they far away ?

YANBU
We always had/have my parents for Xmas day, stay overnight and they go home boxing day. They live 15 mins away.
DM had flu one Xmas (this was around 10 years ago so pre covid) she was absolutely fine on 23rd Dec when I dropped some stuff off to them but they arrived Xmas day morning and she was AWFUL! She could barely walk with the aches/pains, managed one cup of tea and about 3 mouthfuls of Xmas lunch. Spent most of the time moaning about how ill she was. I kept telling her to either go upstairs to bed or get DF to take her home...'no! I'm ok' she would say while I seethed inside.

They usually stayed overnight but after listening to her whinge for 6 hours, I finally said 'enough!' And told them they should go home because she clearly shouldn't have even got out of bed, so they left.

Me and young DC all came down with it 2 days later and had to cancel all plans for new year etc. I was absolutely furious with her and told her as much...her reply? "But I couldn't miss seeing the children on Xmas day!!!" So bloody selfish.

Still cross about it now!! 🤣

So no OP, say no and that you can see them at a later date.

Yanbu. Rearrange for another day!

@Upwiththelark76 yes they are about 20 mins drive away so I have offered to take them food/crackers/xmas cake etc. But they are making me feel really guilty and like I'm massively overreacting.

Just tell them Christmas is postponed for a week to make sure he's better. He won't enjoy it either, if he's that bad, and you get to have a nice day on your own on Monday

Have your Christmas without them - maybe drop off something for their Christmas lunch if they're not too far away - and then have another Christmas lunch with them once they're well. You can never have too many Christmas dinners!

@Projectme this is EXACTLY my worry. I don't want another however many days of no sleep with a poorly baby, or to have to parent when feeling like death, or to have my DDs break from school wiped out with illness. I accept there is always a risk of catching stuff. We went out to meet friends for lunch yesterday, it's not like I'm quarantining us all in bleach or anything. But there is a big difference imo between going places accepting you MIGHT come across someone with an illness that MIGHT get passed on, and knowingly having someone in your home who is DEFINITELY ill and infectious, especially with a 6 month old baby.

I think YANBU but only on the basis that you’re not going to any drinks parties, dinner parties, Santa grottos, pantos, on crowded public transport etc across the Christmas period. Because all of those may well involve close contact with someone who’s harbouring something contagious.

I can totally understand wanting to stay well (remember the sick baby and toddler days only too well - dreadful) but think you need to be consistent about it for this to be fair on your parents.

Eww no.. lots of us aren't seeing each other this Xmas due to different bugs that have been contracted 😷 there's plenty of time to see each other around the Xmas period. If they were coming for dinner maybe make them a plate of food they can pick up incase its too late for them to buy much x

Are they insane? What would be their threshold to stay at home?!

If they are local can't you just plate their dinners up and deliver them to their house so they don't have to go out and buy any Christmas Dinner?

This, and maybe make sure they have shopping and everything they need for a quiet, easy day.

i would turn it around and say that you would say the same if the situation was reversed and you or the kids were poorly.

I don't think they should visit. It's highly likely you'll get it and the kids. Last year we were staying at my parents for Christmas. We turned up to find my mum with a horrible virus that she had started with days earlier. I got it bad and completely ruined my Christmas (and birthday), I couldn't spend anytime with my son and he didn't understand. I really don't know why they didn't warn us and give us a choice.

Has your mum had it too, or is she likely to come down with it as your dad starts improving? Not that it would change my mind on it, I'd be firm about wanting them to stay home until both are well, take them a plated roast dinner if they want and rearrange for another day. Have them keep the kids' Christmas presents and do a pseudo-Christmas day when your dad will feel better.

I genuinely don't understand people like this. Who wants to pass on nasty bugs to their loved ones?

Yanbu. He has no right to spread his germs and ruin other people's Xmas. You can all catch up in a week or two.

We went out to meet friends for lunch yesterday, it's not like I'm quarantining us all in bleach or anything. But there is a big difference imo between going places accepting you MIGHT come across someone with an illness that MIGHT get passed on, and knowingly having someone in your home who is DEFINITELY ill and infectious, especially with a 6 month old baby.

Absolutely.. I tested positive for covid earlier in the week (assume my son had it last week because he was ill like ops dad, bedridden) I immediately let my mum know as we were supposed to be coming for Xmas dinner. Tested negative yesterday but still letting her decide because they both have serious illnesses and really don't need covid on top. Surely that's only polite

This is another consideration @TheNoodlesIncident
Dad started with symptoms yesterday but as of this morning when i spoke to her, mum has yet to come down with it so there is still every chance she might too.

You're not over reacting, my 5 year old has just had it, he was in bed asleep for 4 days, high temp, vomiting with dizziness, barely ate all week, had the dr out to the house etc. It was horrible. Could imagine having a 6 month old suffer with it

Of course YANBU!

stand firm on this

I think its selfish when people do this. I have a friend who I was going to meet for coffee in town and she text me to ask if I could come round instead cos she was feeling rough and couldn't hear or taste things! Like no! Think of other people. I am caring for my vulnerable mum!

Just take them plated dinners so they don't have to dash about when ill to get themselves a Christmas dinner.

YANBU to not want to spend the next week with an ill baby and young child.