Disagreement with DH about Xmas day protocol with the children

[Socksforxmas]

DH and I have twin boys who will turn 4 in a few weeks and this Christmas feels really special to us with it being the first one that they seem to understand. Previous Christmases they were too young to really get it but this year they're really excited about the whole thing.

We've run into a disagreement about how the format of the day should be. In my household growing up my brother and I would get up in the morning, open our stockings in bed with a parent and then head into the living room to dive into all the presents (opening all of them), have 2-3 hours of playing with our new things before lunch is served and then family activities for the rest of the night (playing games, watching whatever Christmas specials, all with lots of sweet treats, chocolates, nice drinks etc).

For DH it was get up in the morning, open stockings and then open 1 or 2 presents, leave the rest to go on a family walk around the park, come back for lunch, open a few more presents, do a board game of some kind and then opening the rest of the presents slowly throughout the day, watching the queens speech (only TV allowed on the day). They weren't allowed to play with new toys on the day (that's what boxing day is for and Christmas is for family) and there were strict rules regarding how much sweets they were allowed. Also a church visit at some point.

With the exception of going church and watching the queens(kings) speech which he has no interest in doing, he wants to pretty much recreate his parents way of doing Christmas as he thinks it's a good way of teaching the boys about the importance of family time and delayed gratification. I see where he's coming from but tbh it all sounds a bit miserable to me...

Every other day of the year we're fairly strict about our the twins diets, amount of screen time, and teaching them to be patient, respectful of others and they are for the majority of time very well behaved children who abide our rules well. I always thought of Christmas as being the one day a year where they could just go nuts and not have so much restriction and control on them. I'd like them to be able to tear into all their presents right away, have time to play with their new things etc

Aibu to think Christmas should be an exception to the usual strict and fairly controlled environment they're in or do DHs ideas have more merit?

We always did stockings, breakfast, big presents, then getting ready/dressed (we always got new clothes) and playing with things until Christmas dinner, then films/nap then Christmas tea, TV and bed. Your DH's Christmas sounds very stilted.

Its nice to spread out the present opening a bit but not in too regimented a way. We have stockings and some presents in the morning (not opened in a mad rush, we take turns opening and see what each other got), and then later on in the day Father Christmas comes with the rest of the presents so there's still something exciting for the children to look forward to.

Growing up we had stockings and one present in the morning after breakfast, everything else waited until after lunch (which was fine) and after the washing up had been done (which felt like it took forever, which in retrospect, was perhaps a hint from mum that we should maybe help so it'd go quicker...)

Not letting the children play with the toys they unwrap is very off though, I would not compromise on that.

If you want to avoid a riot then I would hide some presents away and bring them out later.
Seeing a pile of exciting presents and not being allowed to open them is a bit cruel.
Your dh's idea of present opening sounds shit

Yeah, team you. Waiting for Christmas is delayed gratification enough. His day sounds crap and disjointed.

I just think the controlling aspect of repeatedly handing small children gifts to open throughout the day and then taking each one away is vile. All the massive build up and then that sort of frustration on purpose seems verging on nasty to me. Family time? With 4yo? That's joyfully opening presents and getting down on the floor and playing with them together.

A few in the morning, one or two before dinner and the rest later on seems like a good compromise but I suspect he is not too hot on compromising.

What is the point in the Christmas walk? My DC would look at me like I've lost the plot if I tried to gee them up to go for an aimless wander on Christmas day.

Oh well

Controversial but I would say try his way. If it works well your kids have a nice, calm day of opening presents mindfully. Though they should definitely be played with immediately (don't get that logic!)
If it proves dull, do it your way next year / aka the normal way for most families!

Fresh air, burn off some energy, ride their new bikes/scooters, play with their new remote control toys, take the dog out...

If you have a dog a Christmas walk is a must

As a working class council kid I was shocked how joyless my DH middle class family Christmass were. Unsurprisingly he hated Christmas. It took a decade of miserable Christmases when our kids were young and me considering leaving him to make him recognise his way was grim and he didn’t need to be unhappy.

Sod that - delayed gratification - bull shit!
Kids have counted down the days, counted sleeps advent calendars etc etc. They don't need to wait longer.

ILs tried this with me once opening gifts in-between courses of dinner - eat your carrots and you'll get a present. Never let my kids get put in that position again.

I'm on the logic open Stockings, have breakfast, usually breakfast rolls, then open the rest of the gifts.

I'm also wary of Stockings in bedrooms. We had tears 😢 😭 from the oldest when Santa didn't fit the main gift in the stocking. Heartbroken tears hard work getting him to calm down enough to go into the living room to see what else was left.

Pretty much everybody gets outside for fresh air on Christmas Day. I don't think that's what people were arguing against?
Not being allowed to play with their toys is just bizarre. Weird that op is putting it down to her husband's "poshness", too.
They were though. Some people were arguing against going out for a walk on Christmas Day as if it's only done to prevent joy, as opposed to being a nice thing to do because you value time outside.

I can see it being weird if someone never, or rarely, has any outdoor time as a family and they're trudging round the block for the sake of it, but there's lots of families who actually enjoy being outdoors together.

I can’t imagine torturing 4 year olds with walks and looking at wrapped gifts and not being able to touch them!

We didn’t have walks here (way too cold usually) and tv isn’t much of a thing either, like in the UK. But our kids went straight to the gift pile. Sometimes after opening a gift, they’d take it away to play with it, especially when they were very little, but we always let them lead the way.

It’s once a year, so a lot of the usual “rules” were abandoned.

Id hate your DH’s plan.

DH and SIL had grew up in a household where things were regimented and not much 'fun'. Even at Xmas silliness was certainly not allowed.
They are pretty resentful tbh. Especially as the controlling continued into adult life which it often does.
I prefer your way. We opened presents en masse and never forgot who anything was from. Just make a note.

I can’t imagine torturing 4 year olds with walks

Why would they think a walk was torture?

Giving children toys for Christmas and then saying they can't play with them is really cruel. There's absolutely no justification for it and it would be torture for the children.

Getting some exercise is good - maybe he could take them out for a walk?

Watching a movie on Christmas Day is lovely - it's relaxing for everyone.

Spacing presents out is good as long as they're allowed to play with them!

He does sound really joyless - is he normally like that?

We used to do something in between which worked well.

Stockings first thing, then one or two tree presents. Then play with them, get dressed, go for a walk or help prep lunch.

Then the rest of presents after lunch. There was no limit on eating snacks and sweets, and we definitely played with everything in the day.

It’s more torture keeping them inside all day with no fresh air.

And to the person who said she will refuse to go for a walk if there is snow..wtf. 😂 I’m in a country where there is lots of snow and I can’t imagine children or adults not going outside every day.

Tell him to get a grip. Never heard of only opening one or two in the morning. How boring… also it all sounds too rigid. Can you not just go with the flow and see how the day gets on

I don’t think unwrapping everything first thing is good, what do you do for the rest of the day?

We don't open everything right away, but what do you mean "what do you do for the rest of the day?" Play with new toys? Watch a Christmas film? Chat? Eat? Play a game? Go for a walk?

Re restrictions on sweets, imo that is more to stop them feeling sick than anything. So I would say - less restrictive than usual but still monitor & intervene if they are going OTT. Plus you will have to be the one caring for them if they throw up.

Well, yeah, most people do that. Nobody lets 4 year old's eat their own body weight in chocolate, that's an extreme nobody was advocating for.

On Christmas morning with a pile of presents to open and play with? My kids would have been whining and moaning at the prospect of having to go for a walk when they’d rather be unwrapping and playing with their new toys. We had 2 whole weeks off school for walking, if it would have been warm enough.

Your DH’s childhood christmas sounds perfect, apart from the King’s speech, which i have no interest in, or no christmas movies.

I tried to get mine to set the tone when they first understood and their natural preference was to open them throughout the day, so that’s what we all do. It’s a very nice way of doing it and we get to appreciate the presents in the moment properly.