Disagreement with DH about Xmas day protocol with the children

[Socksforxmas]

DH and I have twin boys who will turn 4 in a few weeks and this Christmas feels really special to us with it being the first one that they seem to understand. Previous Christmases they were too young to really get it but this year they're really excited about the whole thing.

We've run into a disagreement about how the format of the day should be. In my household growing up my brother and I would get up in the morning, open our stockings in bed with a parent and then head into the living room to dive into all the presents (opening all of them), have 2-3 hours of playing with our new things before lunch is served and then family activities for the rest of the night (playing games, watching whatever Christmas specials, all with lots of sweet treats, chocolates, nice drinks etc).

For DH it was get up in the morning, open stockings and then open 1 or 2 presents, leave the rest to go on a family walk around the park, come back for lunch, open a few more presents, do a board game of some kind and then opening the rest of the presents slowly throughout the day, watching the queens speech (only TV allowed on the day). They weren't allowed to play with new toys on the day (that's what boxing day is for and Christmas is for family) and there were strict rules regarding how much sweets they were allowed. Also a church visit at some point.

With the exception of going church and watching the queens(kings) speech which he has no interest in doing, he wants to pretty much recreate his parents way of doing Christmas as he thinks it's a good way of teaching the boys about the importance of family time and delayed gratification. I see where he's coming from but tbh it all sounds a bit miserable to me...

Every other day of the year we're fairly strict about our the twins diets, amount of screen time, and teaching them to be patient, respectful of others and they are for the majority of time very well behaved children who abide our rules well. I always thought of Christmas as being the one day a year where they could just go nuts and not have so much restriction and control on them. I'd like them to be able to tear into all their presents right away, have time to play with their new things etc

Aibu to think Christmas should be an exception to the usual strict and fairly controlled environment they're in or do DHs ideas have more merit?

"For DH it was get up in the morning, open stockings and then open 1 or 2 presents, leave the rest to go on a family walk around the park"

That doesn't mean it has to be a "boring plod" though.

Take their bikes or scooters, take a football, take some hot chocolate and mince pies with you. Let them play and tire themselves out while you have a Baileys coffee or two.

We cook when we get back and eat lunch late. Walk at around 9-10am, home by half eleven, chicken goes in the oven and is ready for 2pm easily.

We usually had too much snow for scooters or bikes. They were always birthday presents.

No that is too cold. -17 here but don’t know if it felt colder. All kids out on their sledges, if only for a while anyway. My dog sometimes gets snow stuck on her pawsnand ears, but she has a coat which she likes. My old cat not so much.

Sounds like your DHs father used Christmas as an opportunity to assert control over his kids. It sounds joyless. Not allowed to play with your toys sounds like a punishment.

Your dh sounds like a like a misery, carefully measuring out the fun and enjoyment

We should have cold crisp days definitely in the minus figures with perhaps snow.
Instead we currently have 6 degrees and pouring rain, I might as well still be in Scotland.

-41 would be very unusual in the UK and I wouldn't expect anyone to want to be outside for long in it.

My DH thinks presents should be opened in the evening.
He's wrong.
I have compromised on very many things but not this.
I said he could open his in the evening if he wants but DD and I will be opening ours in the morning I bought most of them too so figure it really is up to me.

Who said anything about plodding around a park? That sounds awful.

Your husbands way sounds bloody joyless.

With the exception of going church and watching the queens(kings) speech which he has no interest in doing, he wants to pretty much recreate his parents way of doing Christmas

Nope!

If he wants a nostalgic "just-as-it-was-when-I-were-a-lad" Christmas he can sit through a church service and the King's speech as well. All or nothing if you ask me.

He doesn't want those "boring" bits? Then he can let the twins open their presents and have a totally indulgent day!

It's once a year, after all.

He just wants to get rid of the bits he doesn't like, and for the ones that don't really affect him (as an adult) on two excited little children, and cast a cloud over their day. That's not fair.

Yes, but OP is in the UK and it's currently 11 degrees here. It's hardly baltic!

If I tried your husbands way with my kids the day would be ruined.

They've waited weeks and weeks for Christmas. They would not understand waiting until "after the family walk" to open another one. Wtf.

I couldn't enforce that. It would be miserable for all.

How on earth can you have young children (or any child under 18 !) and not let them play with the presents they've received on Xmas day? How awful.

Dh and I have has this argument too! In our family it goes- stocking presents when you get up, leisurely breakfast, play with stocking presents (walk or run or swim for anyone who wants it). Once dinner is all on the go, and everyone is dresssed after exertations, sit down and do presents before lunch with some fizz and smoked salmon. We don't do a lot of adult presents but adult secret santa is after lunch.

His family rip them all open immediately. I hate it because it's always loads of pressure to be up, the kids haven't eaten breakfast properly and get grumpy and it's all over by about 8am and really anticlimatic. We do it that way when we're with them though. When it's us we do presents late morning for the kids.

I'd say it's a class thing but my dad's family is very working class and they don't do tree gifts until about 5pm. But people get very wedded to the 'right' way.

My family always did presents one at a time, everyone watching whoever is opening the present. As children we were the 'elves' and would be in charge of taking one present at a time from under the tree to the recipient, which I suppose helped keep us occupied and we quite enjoyed it. It takes a while so there is some delayed gratification as a child! But then we got to play with the toys all evening (Scandinavian so all on Christmas Eve, but I imagine this could work in the day too). Might something like that be a good balance?

My childhood Christmases were like your husbands. It was miserable.

Do it your way.

People must think were super-mean -
We do stocking as soon as DC wake up (and when they believed in santa, a present from santa)
. .. and then other presents after lunch.

One year when DS was about 4 he opened his main present from santa in the morning and he loved it, he played with it all day and even tried to take it in the bath (it had batteries) . We gave him no other presents for the rest of the day and he had them on boxing day

Controlling.

My GC open presents very differently....
Eldest rips into everything, its over quite quickly.
Younger one likes to take time, play with the toy before opening the next thing.
Your husbands idea of Christmas day sounds quite rigid. Can you ask him if you can mix it up? Or just go with the flow, make your own traditions starting now?
If you all listen well to each other I'm sure you'll have the Xmas you all want

A walk can be made fun especially if you’ve somewhere nice to walk around. Is there anywhere close that has good Christmas lights?
Walk around a housing estate can be a bit grim unless you’ve new bikes or similar to play with

I'd like to add that kids have never seemed miserable doing it that way. Now they are teens it's usually me that's impatient for them to wakeup so they can have their stocking!

Doesnt anyone on this thread own coats, hats, gloves and shoes, all moaning that its cold, well yes its winter, dress appropriately.

Does no one ever take their kids out for exercise?

We used to open stockings in the morning, then all the rest of the presents after lunch - it’s how my parents did it, and dh and I carried on with our dses - we felt it spun out the excitement. Might that be a compromise your dh would agree to, @Socksforxmas? I don’t think it is reasonable to expect the children to be patient enough to spread out the present opening across the whole day, but when, as a child, we stayed with friends who opened everything first thing, I remember feeling that the rest of the day was a bit flat, without the second round of present-opening to look forward to.

I’m sure you will have a wonderful day - Christmas Day with small children is such fun!