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AIBU?

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Original poster

To pull her up in "public" about this?

140 replies

Auntieobem · 23/12/2023 08:22

Last night DD was in a Christmas show - big event, looking forward to it for months. Night was ruined by 3 drunk women behind us who shouted at each other the whole way through, swearing and generally being arses. After a while I realised that I knew one of them vaguely through work, so turned around and said hello to her (hoping that seeing me would embarrass her into shutting up) - I just got abuse from the women she was with.

Will be due to attend a meeting with her in the New Year. Would I be unreasonable to mention in front of people how she'd been???

OP posts:
TypicalCoach · 23/12/2023 09:19

Well what happened when her mate gave you abuse, did the woman you know look at you or speak to you??

Butchyrestingface · 23/12/2023 09:21

Auntieobem · 23/12/2023 08:39

Would mentioning it in private to my colleague who manages the contract be out of order? As part of the general "how did your Christmas go?" conversation?

But why?

What do you think the outcome should/could be from doing that?

Goodlard · 23/12/2023 09:21

Auntieobem · 23/12/2023 08:39

Would mentioning it in private to my colleague who manages the contract be out of order? As part of the general "how did your Christmas go?" conversation?

You're having a laugh!

Why would you involve another colleague, I'd tell you to piss off and fight your own battles.

Cheesyfootballs01 · 23/12/2023 09:22

ChristmasMerry · 23/12/2023 09:17

@Auntieobem yoir colleague has found your thread and recognised herself and is panicking!

Swearing and telling others to fuck off is awful. I would absolutely smile at her and say so lovely to see you in the audience behind me last week, smile and stare for a second and walk off. I’d also add that I had filled the event accidentally on selfie mode, silly me.

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Ah the infamous Mumsnet smile and stare!

You sound as bad as the OP 🤣

LaMadameCholet · 23/12/2023 09:22

This thread is weird. Why are people being so forgiving of aggressive drunks, at what I assume was a children’s show? I don’t think you should raise it in a public meeting as you’d look unprofessional, but I completely understand your annoyance. There’s a lot of “Oh we’ve all done it” about drunken behaviour. No we haven’t all acted like bellends due to alcohol, actually.

Goodlard · 23/12/2023 09:24

Auntieobem · 23/12/2023 09:04

Thanks all, will let it go. But, it has certainly shown me a different side to her which will be difficult to forget when dealing with her.

I expect she gives not two fucks! YABU if you let this change the professional relationship.

JustFrustrated · 23/12/2023 09:24

LaMadameCholet · 23/12/2023 09:22

This thread is weird. Why are people being so forgiving of aggressive drunks, at what I assume was a children’s show? I don’t think you should raise it in a public meeting as you’d look unprofessional, but I completely understand your annoyance. There’s a lot of “Oh we’ve all done it” about drunken behaviour. No we haven’t all acted like bellends due to alcohol, actually.

Edited

Why are you assuming it was a children's show?

Goodlard · 23/12/2023 09:26

LaMadameCholet · 23/12/2023 09:22

This thread is weird. Why are people being so forgiving of aggressive drunks, at what I assume was a children’s show? I don’t think you should raise it in a public meeting as you’d look unprofessional, but I completely understand your annoyance. There’s a lot of “Oh we’ve all done it” about drunken behaviour. No we haven’t all acted like bellends due to alcohol, actually.

Edited

No ones being forgiving, but the behaviour has nothing to do with the OPs work.

It should've been dealt with at the time, it wasn't, so move on.

Lou670 · 23/12/2023 09:27

So you turned around and said hello to her and that made her friends kick off with you? Did you not say more than hello? Seems strange that her friends would kick off at you merely for acknowledging her.

No I wouldn't address it in the workplace. What goes on outside of work has no bearing on her professional work life.

Underhisi · 23/12/2023 09:32

This has nothing to do with work.

Bunnycat101 · 23/12/2023 09:33

I wouldn’t raise this in the workplace but you should have raised it at the theatre. It sounds like their behaviour was massively inappropriate and would have been spoiling it for lots of people. Some people don’t seem to know how to behave in a theatre anymore and it does nothing if everyone else just goes home pissed off without giving theatre staff a chance to have a word.

MargotBamborough · 23/12/2023 09:36

Auntieobem · 23/12/2023 08:47

Nope, just pissed off that a Christmas show was ruined by her and her friends screaming and swearing all through it. Other people asked them to be quiet, they just got told to fuck off. Getting someone to ask them to leave would have escalated it even more - one of the women was obviously up for a fight. This was more than just being Christmas drunk and enjoying selves.

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Did no one ask a member of staff to sort them out?

neverbeenskiing · 23/12/2023 09:37

Auntieobem · 23/12/2023 08:47

Nope, just pissed off that a Christmas show was ruined by her and her friends screaming and swearing all through it. Other people asked them to be quiet, they just got told to fuck off. Getting someone to ask them to leave would have escalated it even more - one of the women was obviously up for a fight. This was more than just being Christmas drunk and enjoying selves.

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I don't think anyone is suggesting that the way they behaved was ok. Clearly they were extremely rude and made absolute fools of themselves. But this was something that happened outside of work in her own free time, and has nothing to do with her job performance.

PP are quite rightly pointing out that it would be inappropriate for you to bring this up, or even allude to it, at work in front of other people. Doing so will make you look childish and unprofessional, not her. That doesn't mean that anyone on this thread is defending her or her friends.

LaMadameCholet · 23/12/2023 09:40

JustFrustrated · 23/12/2023 09:24

Why are you assuming it was a children's show?

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Because OP says “last night DD was in a Christmas show”, the tone of which suggested to me that DD might be a child. Could be wrong though 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Sometimeswinning · 23/12/2023 09:41

LaMadameCholet · 23/12/2023 09:22

This thread is weird. Why are people being so forgiving of aggressive drunks, at what I assume was a children’s show? I don’t think you should raise it in a public meeting as you’d look unprofessional, but I completely understand your annoyance. There’s a lot of “Oh we’ve all done it” about drunken behaviour. No we haven’t all acted like bellends due to alcohol, actually.

Edited

I know! The op getting all those comments because she dared be annoyed with an absolute twat who got so drunk they went to a children’s show and ruined it! I’ll save my sympathy.

Sometimes in life a bit of revenge helps you have closure. If the person feels mortified then even better! Maybe they’ll grow up and learn something.

As for saying something at the time you’d have just got given a load of abuse which would have easily escalated. Yanbu.

Alwayswonderedwhy · 23/12/2023 09:43

Christmas show where? School, theatre? Staff should've asked them to leave.

Not appropriate to bring it up at work but I'd speak to her privately.

neverbeenskiing · 23/12/2023 09:45

Sometimeswinning · 23/12/2023 09:41

I know! The op getting all those comments because she dared be annoyed with an absolute twat who got so drunk they went to a children’s show and ruined it! I’ll save my sympathy.

Sometimes in life a bit of revenge helps you have closure. If the person feels mortified then even better! Maybe they’ll grow up and learn something.

As for saying something at the time you’d have just got given a load of abuse which would have easily escalated. Yanbu.

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I don't think anyone has said she was unreasonable to be annoyed. People are trying to stop OP from making a fool of herself at work over thid. That doesn't mean they think what happened was ok.

Mrgrinch · 23/12/2023 09:46

The time and place to say something has passed. You should have complained to a steward and they've have been warned/kicked out.

Bringing it up next year at work would be absolutely ridiculous.

LaMadameCholet · 23/12/2023 09:46

Goodlard · 23/12/2023 09:26

No ones being forgiving, but the behaviour has nothing to do with the OPs work.

It should've been dealt with at the time, it wasn't, so move on.

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Fair enough, and I agree that it would be unprofessional to bring it up at work. I just read all the “ let it go” remarks as being forgiving, and I’m probably projecting because I’m fed up with feeling that alcohol is accepted as a Get Out of Jail Free card for all kinds of selfish behaviour nowadays.

SleepPrettyDarling · 23/12/2023 09:46

I’d raise it with her after the meeting, ask her for a word of the way out. Say you turned around to say hello to her at the concert (wasnt it lovely, my daughter played x, we were all looking forward to it so much) but her friend was rude and obnoxious, which ruined your evening.

NightisdarkandfullofterrorsGOT · 23/12/2023 09:49

Why didn’t you talk to somebody at the event to get them removed instead of letting them ruin the event your daughter worked so hard for?

Vistada · 23/12/2023 09:51

Because OP would rather play the Big I Am and throw her weight around trying to get her into bother at work.

As if realistically this ever would.

Original poster
Auntieobem · 23/12/2023 09:52

Vistada · 23/12/2023 09:51

Because OP would rather play the Big I Am and throw her weight around trying to get her into bother at work.

As if realistically this ever would.

Lol - couldn't be further from the truth.

OP posts:
LittleBrenda · 23/12/2023 09:54

Fair enough, and I agree that it would be unprofessional to bring it up at work. I just read all the “ let it go” remarks as being forgiving, and I’m probably projecting because I’m fed up with feeling that alcohol is accepted as a Get Out of Jail Free card for all kinds of selfish behaviour nowadays.

It's not about forgiveness but the time has passed now.

Vistada · 23/12/2023 09:57

Auntieobem · 23/12/2023 09:52

Lol - couldn't be further from the truth.

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Sorry OP what part of what I said is inaccurate?

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