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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family and petrol money

105 replies

Monkey987 · 20/12/2023 22:30

Aibu to charge my family petrol money to visit another family member a 420 mile round trip drive away? They don't drive.

The train ticket would be £120 each return and would take over 5 hours whereas driving would take 4 hours and they would be picked up at their doors and dropped off at their doors.

I've worked out petrol would cost about £60 so was going to tell them it was £30 each to cover my costs. They don't drive so don't understand cars and petrol. But also don't understand that mileage costs me repairs and depreciation on my newish car.

Im not someone that ever asked for petrol money when I had an old car but now I have a new car where mileage matters and loses my car value it's made me think more.

What do you think? Should I ask them for £30 each. Is that fair? What would you do?

OP posts:
StampOnTheGround · 20/12/2023 22:32

If it was someone like my mum then I'd never ask for petrol money, but if it was a cousin then yes that's fair!

Original poster
Monkey987 · 20/12/2023 22:34

It is my mum and sibling. I wouldn't usually ask for money. Just feel a bit used as this was organised with the expectation I would drive and it wouldn't cost her any money.

OP posts:
YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 20/12/2023 22:39

Hmm. I wouldn't need to ask as one of them would jump out and pay at the petrol station. Just be open and say I'm going to struggle to afford the petrol so can we split it please £20 each. I wouldn't split it just between the two of them, I think wear and tear on the car is a bit excessive for your mum and dsis!

AllEars112232 · 20/12/2023 22:40

I’ve been lucky and relatives that have always offered to share the cost of a long journey.
I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask the to help, and £60 in total seems very low to me. 40p/mile is a common rate for mileage charges when travelling for work. You’re under charging but if you’re comfortable with that then it’s all good.

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 20/12/2023 22:42

If there's 3 of you then £20 each would be fair? I wouldn't ask my parents for this but they also do a lot for me so it depends on the relationship. I don't think you can charge milage on your car. It is saving everyone time and money by not getting the train.

OhMyChickenDinner · 20/12/2023 22:43

I wouldn’t charge wear and tear (wouldn’t you be driving there anyway?) but I would split the fuel 3 ways.

saraclara · 20/12/2023 22:43

You don't charge family for wear and tear like a business that requires you to have a car. But yes, I'd ask to split petrol costs.

RandomMess · 20/12/2023 22:44

The cost of fuel isn't the only cost of travelling in a car - tyres, oil, mileage depreciation, higher mileage increases insurance. I don't think you're unfair to ask them to cover fuel costs.

Myhusbandearns150k · 20/12/2023 22:45

My mum and I split costs on a long trip it’s just unspoken really, you just chip in. If they couldn’t afford it and I could it would be different.

Original poster
Monkey987 · 20/12/2023 22:45

I wouldn't be driving there normally. This whole trip has been arranged by my mum who has assumed I would drive.
I don't think she has even looked at the price of a train.

OP posts:
Original poster
Monkey987 · 20/12/2023 22:47

I know it sounds harsh that's why I asked but I literally have been driving them round for over 8 years and it's now become an expectation.
It's my fault for not mentioning petrol sooner.

OP posts:
WhereIsBebèsChambre · 20/12/2023 22:48

When are you going? The expectation that you'd do it without even asking you or offering anything for it would annoy me. Are you staying over anywhere?

Createausername1970 · 20/12/2023 22:48

Monkey987 · 20/12/2023 22:34

It is my mum and sibling. I wouldn't usually ask for money. Just feel a bit used as this was organised with the expectation I would drive and it wouldn't cost her any money.

This scenario is a bit unfair on you. I think you should just ask them what are they planning on doing regarding petrol costs and see what they say. If they start blustering, then politely say you can't really afford to spend £60 in petrol, so maybe they need to take the train instead.

Birdcar · 20/12/2023 22:48

Your mum and your auntie (I'm assuming elderly but perhaps not) want to visit a family member at Christmas and you want to charge for driving them.

Bah humbug.

Dacadactyl · 20/12/2023 22:48

Just say "Happy to drive you but moneys a bit tight at the minute, so I'll need to split the petrol with you. It'll be 20 quid each. Thanks"

I'd do this if I felt they were taking advantage and wasn't planning on doing the trip myself otherwise.

Tinkerbyebye · 20/12/2023 22:49

As there is the assumption you would drive , and it’s not something you intended to do I would point out the cost and that you can’t cover it, so you need them to cover costs which will be £60

if I was going anyway or offered myself I would not have bothered asking for anything, however as your mums assumed then yes I would

although tbh if it didn’t suit me I wouldnt be taking them

Original poster
Monkey987 · 20/12/2023 22:52

Thanks for this. I didn't know 40p was average.
I have a small car and was estimating from a recent trip I did that cost me £65ish for 450 miles.

OP posts:
Original poster
Monkey987 · 20/12/2023 22:53

We will be staying over night now since someone in my family pointed out it was a long drive!

OP posts:
Original poster
Monkey987 · 20/12/2023 22:58

Birdcar · 20/12/2023 22:48

Your mum and your auntie (I'm assuming elderly but perhaps not) want to visit a family member at Christmas and you want to charge for driving them.

Bah humbug.

Edited

It's not an elderly relative.
Just relatives that don't drive and assume cars run on fairy dust!

OP posts:
Kitkatcatflap · 20/12/2023 23:37

I am stunned that your mother and sibling arrange this and expect you to do it without offering something in the way of petrol money. As someone up thread suggested surely they would leap out at the petrol station and have the old 'put your money away, I'm getting this'

Will they be taking house gifts to the relative now they are staying the night?

Absolutely suggest that they chip in for the petrol as you will be doing all the driving. Remind them you wouldn't be going otherwise and the price of train tickets.

StrawBeretMoose · 20/12/2023 23:46

If you wouldn’t otherwise be going then consider whether you want to go at all.

I don’t enjoy driving, so would only drive 4 hours for something I actually wanted to do like holidays or an attraction we wanted to go to.

It could also take longer in winter conditions or if it’s over Christmas there could be traffic.

If you want to see the relative yourself I think it’s still fair enough to ask for petrol money and I’d make sure the timetable suits you.

Ktime · 20/12/2023 23:52

Of course you should charge them Op.

Ignore the aghast people, they love spending other people’s money.

StrictlyComeSnoozing · 20/12/2023 23:58

I wouldn't personally charge family petrol money but I'd also never not offer petrol money to somebody if they were driving.

What I'm really puzzled by though is how someone else can just volunteer you to drive them 210 miles away, and back. That's like driving from Manchester to the far side of London, not exactly around the corner. If anyone saw fit to commit me to doing that I'd tell them to piss off.

AuntMarch · 21/12/2023 00:04

My dad doesn't drive, always offers petrol money if I take him to a family thing. I don't accept as I'd be going anyway and he often treats me to beer and takeaways so I think I come out on top anyway.. but I'm sure its normal to offer!

Next time it's mentioned I'd just say "it'll be about 60 petrol, if you pay 25 each I'll cover the rest" and if/when they complain say "I didn't even want to go so it's costing me a tenner and 24 hours I wouldn't have spent, its saving you x amount train fair, but you can pay that instead if you'd rather."

But then, I can be blunt with my sibling and call them out if they are taking the piss (and my mum would never have been such a cf anyway). I know not everyone has that dynamic!

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 21/12/2023 00:22

They don't drive so don't understand cars and petrol.

Really, or is that just the narrative that suits them? I can't personally pilot a plane or drive a train, but I well understand that they cost a lot of money to buy and then a lot more money in fuel.

They must have seen adverts for cars and/or heard of people worrying about having to find the money to pay for them, in a way that people don't generally worry about finding the money to buy a packet of crisps or a can of coke now and again.

They must have seen/heard the news reports of the rising cost of fuel and featuring interviewed people who are concerned that they won't be able to afford to get to work or keep running their business?

They must be aware of the similar concerns that millions of people have about paying for fuel to run their homes - and know that, whilst people are sitting in the cold and dark at home because of the high cost of the fuel, fuel to run a car (which is from a similar source) wouldn't by contrast magically cost a few pennies here or there.

I never understand why being the one to buy, tax, insure and maintain a car AND to have to drive it too automatically makes it your job to pay for the fuel as well. If somebody wanted you to take them to the theatre, they wouldn't expect you to pay for their ticket as well as your own (especially if you didn't particularly want to see the show yourself); so why is paying for the fuel for a joint trip any different?