Family and petrol money

[Monkey987]

Aibu to charge my family petrol money to visit another family member a 420 mile round trip drive away? They don't drive.

The train ticket would be £120 each return and would take over 5 hours whereas driving would take 4 hours and they would be picked up at their doors and dropped off at their doors.

I've worked out petrol would cost about £60 so was going to tell them it was £30 each to cover my costs. They don't drive so don't understand cars and petrol. But also don't understand that mileage costs me repairs and depreciation on my newish car.

Im not someone that ever asked for petrol money when I had an old car but now I have a new car where mileage matters and loses my car value it's made me think more.

What do you think? Should I ask them for £30 each. Is that fair? What would you do?

Sure, ask for petrol money.

Absolutely I would be charging them unless there was a good reason not to. Four hours/£60 there and the same back plus an overnight - that’s two days out of your life you didn’t budget for. Plus a saving of £120 (is that single or return?) each so £240 at least.

There is a certain lack of respect for you there. Tell them your terms and conditions and stand firm on it. And remember that “No” is a complete sentence. https://ovarit.com/o/GenderCritical/520832/2024-the-year-women-said-no

"depreciation" ?????????

Yes, what was your comment?

Now that OP has a newish car, with not too many miles on the clock, its market value will reduce a lot if she is regularly called upon to do 400+ mile journeys in it, should she later want to sell it.

Used cars are valued largely based on their age and mileage - even an old 150,000-miler will be harder to sell than one with 'only' 120,000 miles.

Sorry I should have been more specific. I find the act of charging close family members for depreciation on a 400 mile trip abhorrent. Petrol fine. Depreciation - get a life.
A new car price will lower (400 miles will not make a difference).

OP has only mentioned one trip. Don't derail the thread by making up multiple imaginary journeys.

Yes, I'd ask them for a reasonable contribution to the costs. The fact that they don't drive is no excuse to treat you as a taxi service with no expectation of paying.

Yanbu, I wouldn't have to ask because I'd be offered petrol money instantly.
Wear and tear and depreciation is a bit much to go into, but petrol money of course.

if we are just driving in town, I wouldn’t likely worry about money with family. We typically take turns driving though so it balances out in the very long run.

A long drive though and we always take turns paying to refuel or just pay the car owner.

I said 'if': it may happen or it may not. All I know is that, if you bow to people who expect very significant favours from you, it's very common for them to continue asking for more. They might take a shine to the nice new car, whereas OP's old one might have been much less pleasant.

They clearly haven't given a second thought to the costs of the expected trip and OP's time, so why wouldn't they realise that having all the benefits of a car without any of the costs or having to drive it yourself is a very desirable thing?

They stood to pay £240 for the train - plus taxis to and from the stations, quite possibly - so if it never occurred to them to even offer OP a quarter of this cost (still saving £180 between them) for a much more comfortable and convenient travelling experience, that's a huge sign to me that they are advantage-takers.

Wear and tear and depreciation is a bit much to go into, but petrol money of course.

Why is it a bit much to care about the wear and tear costs? The more hundreds of miles you do, the sooner you have to pay for a service, new tyres, new cam belt etc. using actual money.

OP is already doing them an enormous favour by giving them the use of her car, her driving it and her time to be away - why should she be expected to effectively pay them extra as well for the privilege of doing them the favour?

Nobody in their right mind would expect a taxi driver to not charge you for the journey they are making especially for you, on the basis that it is their car!

"Unfortunately, petrol prices keep going up and up, so giving people big lifts is getting quite hard. Would it be OK for us to split the cost of the petrol between us, going forward?"

(I've no idea if petrol is going up in the UK or not, but if the person is clueless about cars they won't know this).

Just let them know you've worked out the fuel cost, and can't really afford to pay for it all.

They don't drive so don't understand cars and petrol.

Of course they do, as an excuse it’s up there with “you just needed to ask” in the CF book of getting away without paying your fair share

If we do something like this it is because we choose too, nothing seems to happen these days without 'paying for petrol'being used for everything

We do favours for people becauce it is nice to do my husband and i don't sit there and work out a costing

It's a horrifically long drive so absolutely ask for petrol money. My husband doesn't drive but does understand cars use petrol and this needs to be paid for. I wouldn't expect 'wear and tear' though — were you planning to put a tenner in the glove box for when it needs a service?

Just say "yes that's fine, I'll need petrol money though- it's probably about x each" . You could fill the tank up before you depart then fill up when you get there— that will give you an accurate gauge of costs.

do you even want to do this journey?

No, they want a bloody free taxi. I wouldn’t drive anyone anywhere if it was going to cost me £60. They are perfectly capable of catching a train and paying for their own journey.

It's not your fault, you shouldn't have to ask. It's time to draw some boundaries around lifts. Including that they ask not assume and saying no when it doesn't work for you. Yout time is valuable to you too and it's not ok for them to assume you'll take 2 days out of your life and drive hundreds of miles just to chauffeur them. Them paying petrol is the least they should be doing in return.

Why don’t you just say no? “This is convenient for me. I won’t be able to make the trip.”

Not unreasonable at all to ask for petrol money. I probably wouldn't mention depreciation though.

I wouldn't charge my mum unless I was struggling for money.

OP didn't choose to....... dud you read her posts?

I am/was the only person that would drive any distance in the family, always me, it's not just the driving, it's the paid for parking, tolls, I had to sort directions blah blah.

My DB & DS used to sit back and it wasn't let the train take the strain ...... it was let Goodlard take the strain...... until I lost my shit....

Driving isn't free, petrol money needs to be split.

@Monkey987

^It's not an elderly relative.
Just relatives that don't drive and assume cars run on fairy dust!^

I don't drive, but I don't just take it for granted people will be happy to not only drive me wherever I want to go, but to also do it without payment or thanks.

Being picked up, driven to the destination and back again is worth a great deal, eg avoiding inconvenience of the various modes of public transport, the cost, finding/reserving seats, etc maybe bus/taxi to/from train station is worth the paying back the cost of petrol. I also wouldn't split the cost of petrol three ways as you were not planning on going where you've been press-ganged into driving anyway - they should pay the full amount between the two of them.

If they to haven't even bothered to find out the train costs find out for them and tell them how much they're saving.

Also in the future don't allow yourself to be out in this situation- you've done this for eight years - time to push back. 🌹