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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think people without kids have more money?

306 replies

Zoomzoomzoomzoom0 · 20/12/2023 20:46

Than people with kids I mean. Twice this week I've had single child free friends tell me how
" lucky" I am that I have my husbands pension to " fall back on". I don't even know what that actually means, he has his pension, I have mine, we both work, 1 pension per person. Neither of us will be able to retire early. We have 2 kids. Kids cost a bloody fortune.
I sort of let it wash over me the first time, but the second remark ( different person) bugged me.
She said " Well I don't have my husbands pension to fall back on" so I said " You also don't have kids costing you a bloody fortune"
I don't care about other people's life choices, or how they spend their time or money, I honestly barely think about other people! Except today obviously 🤣
Both of these women obviously think I am financially better off than them. I've never thought about it, but how could I be??? ( we all work in the same industry btw, on similar wages)

OP posts:
TrishTrix · 20/12/2023 20:50

Kids are expensive but you chose to have them.

There are lots of ways that things get cheaper per person when you are a couple.

Go on holiday. Typically a couple will share a room. Accommodation costs/ person = half that of your single friend staying in the same hotel (no adult wants to stay in a single bed and double rooms cost the same for one person as for two).

Live in a house. As a couple you pay 50% of the council tax/ person. As a single person you pay 75%.

You get two tax allowances too. So a couple with the same combined income as one single person earns will have more money as the single person is taxed more.

Finteq · 20/12/2023 20:51

Apparently YABU.

Similar thread a few weeks ago. And people were being ripped tp shreds if they dared say it.

OracleofWurms · 20/12/2023 20:54

kids do cost £££

Terningbay · 20/12/2023 20:56

Yea I imagine so, kids cost a fortune. But you’re not allowed to say anything about having kids as we ‘chose to have them’ 😉

Jf20 · 20/12/2023 20:56

huh? It depends on your income. Not everyone earns the same. I’m not with you or your friends, you all sound quite odd to me. Those with more money are the ones who earn the most

Original poster
Zoomzoomzoomzoom0 · 20/12/2023 20:56

@TrishTrix
I'm not complaining about the cost of kids, and yes I chose to have them.
I'm complaining about the perception that 2 kids and a husband makes me some how financially privileged.
I'd be lying if I said I haven't fantasised about spending all the money I earn on myself.
But maybe I'm wrong??

OP posts:
cadburyegg · 20/12/2023 20:57

It's more expensive to be single

Original poster
Zoomzoomzoomzoom0 · 20/12/2023 21:00

cadburyegg · 20/12/2023 20:57

It's more expensive to be single

I think after today I shall go back to not thinking about other people and their money.
Comparison is the thief of joy and all that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Zoomzoomzoomzoom0 · 20/12/2023 21:00

Sorry@cadburyegg , I meant to say perhaps you are right.

OP posts:
Lifeasiknowitisout · 20/12/2023 21:01

I am a bit confused.

What’s having a husband with a pension got to do with having kids?

Is this friend single? Are they saying at least in retirement you will have 2 pension payments? I mean it’s a weak point as if you have 2 pensions you have 2 lots of payments going into them. You ah e paid just as much, per person as other people. But that’s about being in a couple vs being single.

As for ‘people who don’t have kids have more money’. They will have more money if comparing 2 households of the exact same incoming and outgoings (minus what’s spent on kids. If both house being in 4k and our goings, minus anything spent on kids, are 2k.raving 2k spare. The house with kids will need to spend some of that 2k on kids, therefore having less money spare.

If the house with kids has 6k coming they will have spare money.

Original poster
Zoomzoomzoomzoom0 · 20/12/2023 21:02

@Jf20 That's a fair observation 😄

OP posts:
Canthave2manycats · 20/12/2023 21:04

Zoomzoomzoomzoom0 · 20/12/2023 20:56

@TrishTrix
I'm not complaining about the cost of kids, and yes I chose to have them.
I'm complaining about the perception that 2 kids and a husband makes me some how financially privileged.
I'd be lying if I said I haven't fantasised about spending all the money I earn on myself.
But maybe I'm wrong??

Funny, had the conversation earlier with someone who grew up with a large family in a small house, living near a childfree couple in a large house. The family's mum admired the childless lady's lovely house and she said, "but look at your lovely children!"

Of course people who don't have children are better off! It's not rocket science! Parents choose to spend money on their children, and that money is disposable income to couples who don't have children. There's no arguing with that. It's just a fact.

Tell your friend to earn her own pension!!!

Canthave2manycats · 20/12/2023 21:13

OK, didn't click that they're single. That's not your fault.

Catsmere · 20/12/2023 21:21

You're assuming childfree people are on a good wage. I'm single and childfree and now live on a carer pension (Australian). I have less money than most people I know, and they all had children.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 20/12/2023 21:21

It depends what you mean. If you mean that couples with kids have less money than couples without kids on the same income, then yes.

If you mean that the income of couples with kids is fairly likely to be less, at least temporarily, as in manh cases one parent goes part time or is a SAHP for a while, then also yes.

If you mean couples with kids are automatically less well off than any people without kids, then no obviously not. Some people with kids are filthy rich. Some single or child-free people are really poor.

OutsideLookingOut · 20/12/2023 21:22

Being single is very expensive

Orangello · 20/12/2023 21:24

I had a ton more disposable income on a lot lower salary pre-kids. Of course they cost a fortune!

TeaKitten · 20/12/2023 21:26

You are making the same mistake that they are - they are assuming you have more money because you are married (not because you have children) and you are assuming they have more money because they are childless. Neither of you have a clue of the others outgoings. It’s rude of them to say it in the first place, but it can also be pretty unkind to throw the ‘yeah well you don’t have kids’ thing at anyone for any reason. You never no why someone doesn’t have children so for some it will cause a lot of upset.

Orangeandgold · 20/12/2023 21:48

It’s so tiring when single people complain. Honestly, as parents we just get on with it. Whose business is it if you have your husbands money to use. Whose business is it that they can splash their money however they want because they have less responsibility.

I think people are so judgemental towards mums and families.

Im a single parent by choice - if I wanted to find a man to “live of” I can do that. If single people want to do the same, nobody is stopping them.

I don’t think you are being unreasonable. I’ve had so many sly remarks from people for choosing to be a mum and it’s so annoying because I do not judge or comment on other people’s lives.

ilovesooty · 20/12/2023 21:50

Orangeandgold · 20/12/2023 21:48

It’s so tiring when single people complain. Honestly, as parents we just get on with it. Whose business is it if you have your husbands money to use. Whose business is it that they can splash their money however they want because they have less responsibility.

I think people are so judgemental towards mums and families.

Im a single parent by choice - if I wanted to find a man to “live of” I can do that. If single people want to do the same, nobody is stopping them.

I don’t think you are being unreasonable. I’ve had so many sly remarks from people for choosing to be a mum and it’s so annoying because I do not judge or comment on other people’s lives.

That post seems pretty judgemental to me.

underneaththeash · 20/12/2023 21:51

It's no-one else's business how much anyone else earns.

Do you live in the UK? I honestly don't think I've ever been asked or had commented on the amount me or my husband earn.

HoHoHoliday · 20/12/2023 21:56

Two people in a relationship are financially better off than one person alone. You have two incomes in your household presumably. You will have two pensions to live off. You are better off in that sense. You have two sides of a family who you might inherit from. When you put your heating on you are heating one house and four of you benefit. When you are older and in need of care perhaps one of your children will do that for free. Etc.

I have one income, one pension, only one branch of a family. I am entirely, solely, responsible for paying the mortgage and bills. I still have to heat one house but for one person. I will need to pay for any future care or support I need.

Yes, kids are expensive. You chose to have them. Am I financially better off without any? Probably not. I spent a fortune on unsuccessful IVF. I have a low income. I am an unpaid carer for my elderly mother while my siblings are busy with their kids.

WinterDeWinter · 20/12/2023 22:02

She can earn her own pension, as you are (and if you're not, it's because you're raising the young taxpayers who might mean that she has an NHS etc when she's 70.)

Squirrelblanket · 20/12/2023 22:06

No, it depends on the person and their individual situation. There are childfree people with low incomes and lots of debt, parents with high incomes who are financially comfortable and lots in between.

I'm sure you know this though, and it's just one of those 'parents have it so hard' whines. You chose it. I'll get my tiny violin out for you. 🎻

LumiB · 20/12/2023 22:09

TrishTrix · 20/12/2023 20:50

Kids are expensive but you chose to have them.

There are lots of ways that things get cheaper per person when you are a couple.

Go on holiday. Typically a couple will share a room. Accommodation costs/ person = half that of your single friend staying in the same hotel (no adult wants to stay in a single bed and double rooms cost the same for one person as for two).

Live in a house. As a couple you pay 50% of the council tax/ person. As a single person you pay 75%.

You get two tax allowances too. So a couple with the same combined income as one single person earns will have more money as the single person is taxed more.

100% nut specifically about pensions they are right. They only have their private pension and state pension to cover their costs.

Meanwhile you have tour private and state pension plus your husband private and state pension to cover costs. If one of you passes away you will get some of their private pension. So yes they are right.

So if both your children person and you and ur husband are l on the same salary and pension theoretically you end up better off in retirement becuase you have a partner. Obviously this is unrealistic and individuals will have different pensions built up.

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