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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think people without kids have more money?

306 replies

Zoomzoomzoomzoom0 · 20/12/2023 20:46

Than people with kids I mean. Twice this week I've had single child free friends tell me how
" lucky" I am that I have my husbands pension to " fall back on". I don't even know what that actually means, he has his pension, I have mine, we both work, 1 pension per person. Neither of us will be able to retire early. We have 2 kids. Kids cost a bloody fortune.
I sort of let it wash over me the first time, but the second remark ( different person) bugged me.
She said " Well I don't have my husbands pension to fall back on" so I said " You also don't have kids costing you a bloody fortune"
I don't care about other people's life choices, or how they spend their time or money, I honestly barely think about other people! Except today obviously 🤣
Both of these women obviously think I am financially better off than them. I've never thought about it, but how could I be??? ( we all work in the same industry btw, on similar wages)

OP posts:
Spacecowboys · 20/12/2023 22:09

Well I would 100% have more money if I didn’t have children. They are expensive. Wouldn’t change it though, I’d give them my last dime 🤣.

Ghentsummer · 20/12/2023 22:11

Surely its not about kids it's about being in a couple or being single. Because as a couple things are better for you financially. First, you get to benefit from 2 tax allowances. 2 people on 30k will pay 5k less in tax and NI each year than 1 person earning 60k. They would also pay less towards student loan and pension. Then you have council tax where a single person pays 75% of the couple. Then add in standing charges for electricity and gas. And on and on it goes.

Edinburghguy · 20/12/2023 22:17

Of course kids are expensive but just because some people don’t have them, doesn’t necessarily mean they’re better off. Take for example a family of 4 that has a household income of £150K vs a single nurse on around £38K.

But perhaps if you’re talking about averages then yes. The average family in the UK does not get an easy ride when we consider childcare, clothing, food, activities… the list goes on.

And yet for all of the expense, kids enrich our lives in so many ways beyond money.

Ketzele · 20/12/2023 22:19

You're mixing up dual income with kids. Some of us are single parents, and yes we tend to have less money than either two parent families or childless people. But even that is only a tendency, because there are some (not many!) single parents who earn shedloads, and some (more) nuclear families on the bones of their arse.

SomeCatFromJapan · 20/12/2023 22:21

This is comparing apples and oranges really.

ChasingLosses · 20/12/2023 22:29

Short answer: it depends.

OP the comments seem more about your "married"/partner vs single status than having children per se.

------

Long answer with some poorly worded examples: Lots of people (seem to) have DH that earn mega bucks. So that might be the pension comment. They assume the husband is subsidising and paying more into a pension than the woman could on her own. This is regardless of kids, and more about single vs married status.

Plus, two people receiving (for example) £15,000 per year from a pension (30k combined) will be better off that one person with a £15k pension income. I.e. even if husband and wife earn the same wage and no subsidising happens. Again more about single vs married, than kids vs no kids.

Similarly, throughout the relationship housing costs, food, holidays etc are relatively less, assuming the partner doesn't earn less (i.e. you're talking to women colleagues earning the same wage, one is single and one has a DH, but the DH earns relatively less - that couple might be "worse off" than the single higher earner due to having to subsidise). Again, single vs married, not kids vs no kids.

Kids are an additional expense, so if everything else is equal: Obviously the couple with kids will be less well off. Perhaps a single person working part time on minimum wage (or on benefits) will be worse of than a single parent working part time on minimum wage (I.e., due to additional benefits for the kid's kids). Or two cohabiting parents working part time and receiving benefits will be better off than one childfree person working full time in the same minimum wage job.

If someone is paying child support they will also be worse off than someone with no kids and child support to pay - assuming both compared individuals have equal income.

mantyzer · 20/12/2023 22:30

Families who are unemployed get better benefits than single childfree people.
Single people or couples who are childfree are unlikely to get any benefits if working, even on minimum wage.

caringcarer · 20/12/2023 22:31

Single people with no children who work full time on minimum wage and have to pay for everything themselves are worse off than those with 2 DC who can claim UC top ups.

CrispsandCheeseSandwich · 20/12/2023 22:33

Obviously if you have two people who are otherwise in the same financial situation (same income, debts, other financial commitments etc), then the person with children will have less money to spend than the person without.

LumiB · 20/12/2023 22:36

Lifeasiknowitisout · 20/12/2023 21:01

I am a bit confused.

What’s having a husband with a pension got to do with having kids?

Is this friend single? Are they saying at least in retirement you will have 2 pension payments? I mean it’s a weak point as if you have 2 pensions you have 2 lots of payments going into them. You ah e paid just as much, per person as other people. But that’s about being in a couple vs being single.

As for ‘people who don’t have kids have more money’. They will have more money if comparing 2 households of the exact same incoming and outgoings (minus what’s spent on kids. If both house being in 4k and our goings, minus anything spent on kids, are 2k.raving 2k spare. The house with kids will need to spend some of that 2k on kids, therefore having less money spare.

If the house with kids has 6k coming they will have spare money.

In your example you are wrong to say the house with kids has less spare money.

Both households have £2k spare after bills. One household chooses to have children so alot of that spare £2k is spent on the associated costs of their choice to have kids meaning they don't have much spare money to spend on other things like multiple holidays The other household may choose to go on multiple luxury holidays with that spare money.

Your choices affect what spare money you have and what you can get for it.

ThinWomansBrain · 20/12/2023 22:38

Children are an expensive hobby.
your choice to have them

saraclara · 20/12/2023 22:40

Yep, you're conflating two entirely different things. Your friends are talking about singledom, not lack of kids.
A single person pays their mortgage and utilities entirely alone. A couple has two incomes or two pensions to pay the same bills.

I'm widowed, and I really notice how much holidays cost me now. Accommodation for me is entirely the same cost as we paid for two. There's no such thing as a single room. You get an ordinary room but you pay the same as the couple does. There's no way round it. Hotels have no option if they're to stay afloat. I get it. But in general being single is an expensive business. Same costs as a couple, only one of me to pay them.

CruisingForAMusing · 20/12/2023 22:42

It's totally dependent on how much you earn and your outgoings.
We don't have kids and have low outgoings and a good household income.
We are wealthier than some parent couples we know, and less wealthy than some parent couples we know.

BakedTattie · 20/12/2023 22:43

Yanbu.

kids are bloody expensive!! Literally all our money goes on the kids. And yes I chose to have them but bloody hell I had no idea how expensive they are!

Bex5490 · 20/12/2023 22:46

This is so dependent on far too many factors to say conclusively that childless people are better off than parents or married couples are richer than singletons.

For example, single women may have to pay higher rent per occupant, but may do better career wise than mums.

Families have to spend money on their children but may not have to sell their house in the long run to pay care bills.

Either way, rich people are better off than poor people regardless of kids, marriage or anything else. Higher income and lower outgoings equals better off regardless of whether the outgoings are kids or cocktails…

Lizzieregina · 20/12/2023 22:50

DH and I often muse that we’d be multi millionaires by now if we were child free 🤣

But we’re not in the UK and education has cost us a fortune.

I agree though, that living as a singleton is very costly. Having two incomes makes an awful lot of difference in maintaining a home and lifestyle.

User5643877 · 20/12/2023 22:55

Choice to have children yes. But they are very, very expensive and tbh if no-one did, we'll be in a fine mess in the future.

DragonFly98 · 20/12/2023 23:06

It's unusual to not get part of your spouses pension if they die plus you share it when they are alive.

DragonFly98 · 20/12/2023 23:11

It irritates me when people say couples have more money. That doesn't apply when one person is to disabled/sick to work. Then there are twice the costs of food etc and no council tax discount.

nocoolnamesleft · 20/12/2023 23:11

I am single. I'm on a pretty good salary. If I were married, and I and my other half were each on half that salary, we would have considerably more take home pay. Somewhere for one person to live generally costs more than half the price of a two person place. I have to pay 75% of council tax. You each only have to pay 50%. If I go on holiday, I usually have to effectively pay for 1 3/4 people, because single supplements are so high. Not having kids saves me money, but being single costs me. A lot.

KombuchaKalling · 20/12/2023 23:14

No one made you have children. They are expensive (l have twins so l totally feel it) but children are a lifestyle choice

DriftingDrifter · 20/12/2023 23:16

They weren't commenting on the cost of children. They were commenting on your DH's income/pension.

Teder · 20/12/2023 23:16

Orangeandgold · 20/12/2023 21:48

It’s so tiring when single people complain. Honestly, as parents we just get on with it. Whose business is it if you have your husbands money to use. Whose business is it that they can splash their money however they want because they have less responsibility.

I think people are so judgemental towards mums and families.

Im a single parent by choice - if I wanted to find a man to “live of” I can do that. If single people want to do the same, nobody is stopping them.

I don’t think you are being unreasonable. I’ve had so many sly remarks from people for choosing to be a mum and it’s so annoying because I do not judge or comment on other people’s lives.

You seem quite judgmental suggesting that women who perhaps don’t work because they are SAHM “live off” their men?!
I work, so no axe to grind but think it’s funny because you are passing judgment on other people’s lives!
You also assume people without children have less responsibility and made a judgment on that. My single friend is a carer for a parent and honestly, her life is overwhelmingly full of endless responsibilities .

Original poster
Zoomzoomzoomzoom0 · 20/12/2023 23:18

Not having kids saves me money, but being single costs me. A lot
So this is interesting and has been mentioned by others up the thread. There are 2 separate factors in this particular context which are being conflated.

OP posts:
Teder · 20/12/2023 23:20

DragonFly98 · 20/12/2023 23:11

It irritates me when people say couples have more money. That doesn't apply when one person is to disabled/sick to work. Then there are twice the costs of food etc and no council tax discount.

I would hope one wouldn’t be so crass as to make comparisons when you know the person (or their spouse) is unable to work for medical reasons or perhaps they’re a carer. The average, healthy couple with 2 full time incomes are in a better financial position that a single person. However, as you pointed out, there are so many variables in the situation. I know someone who is a single mum but she has only 1 child and her parents cover her full time job with free childcare. She is definitely better off than I am with 2 incomes but big childcare bills. I wouldn’t say this to her because she has other struggles I don’t.