To look nice for husband?

[macaronsandtea]

I am a full time mummy to a toddler and a newborn, my husband works full time and I take care of the home, I mostly lounge around the house in sportswear or pyjamas unless I'm going somewhere but just before my husband gets home I like to get dressed and do my hair and sometimes makeup, we are from the travelling community and have been raised to have very male/female roles in the home, my husband doesn't mind what I look like when he gets home as long as we are all healthy and happy, does anyone else just feel better and more confident if they look nice for their husband?

You should do what makes you happy and gives you confidence. Me, I'd run a mile rather than be in a 'traditional ' relationship, but we're all different. If it works for you, that's great.

If I am at home all day, I too would be in loungewear / pjs. Would definitely not be getting dressed up for my husband coming home, no!

Well if you have a toddler AND a newborn, that's a license to stay in your jammies until the youngest is about 3 months old!

Honest to god, don't be killing yourself to get your act together when he gets home. Have two small ones is such hard work, you rarely even get to finish a cup of tea. Or sometimes not even start it.

Maybe it'd be good to stay in the dressing gown the odd time, so he'd know what a hard day you'd had.

I'd be afraid you might also tend to pretend everything is fine when actually you feel like shit. Because it's important the men know how difficult child-minding is.

I sometimes put on make up even if I'm at home all day. Because I want to feel better for myself, not my husband.

He wouldn't notice if I had put make-on or not to be honest!

You'll get a lot of kneejerk negative reactions on this but in reality, I think most people would prefer their partner not to be in PJs all day every day.

Although, I actually, I just noticed you have a toddler and a newborn so it would be totally acceptable for you to live in PJs!

If he doesn't mind either way and isn't pressuring you I don't see a problem. You're doing it for you just as much as him and it can be healthy for a SAHM to have a point in the day where you freshen up and have a reason to feel and look good.

I have DS1 at home right now and don't often get myself looking nice but when I do yes it's at least half for my DH because he always, always notices and I think it cheers him up.

DH usually gets home while DC are having a bath, whist in the bathroom with them I sometime notice I have mascara smudged under my eyes or a yoghurt handprint on my top and I will sometimes quickly rectify these things and maybe pop some lip balm on before my husband arrives home, more so I don’t feel like a disheveled wreck every time he sees me - equally sometimes I am quite happy for him to come home to me in a mess as an accurate depiction of the day as a sahm.

Many of us would prefer not to be in pyjamas all day just for ourselves.

I would prefer to look presentable for me and my own self confidence. I don’t dress up for anyone else.

If it makes you feel better, go for it.

For some reason I read the thread title as 'to look nice for dachshund' and was ready with my 'YABU'.

I think your grew up in a very highly controlled environment and are now deconstructing your understanding of how the world works. Meaning splitting out what is your thoughts and opinions versus what your group growing up told you was the 'right way'.
Try out different ways of being. Researching group dynamics such as cults/religions or multi level marketing groups might give you some hints about what to focus on.

Nothing makes me feel more confident than catching my DH eyeing me up or smacking my ass while I look like a tramp who's been dragged through a hedge backwards 🤣

Of course I love getting dressed up if were going somewhere but I'm not doing that everyday.

I can’t imagine getting dressed and doing my hair and makeup for my husband coming home. That’s a very dated stereotype , round about the 1940’s and 50s.

im also not a fan of women calling themselves mummy to other adults, fine in front of children, but I find it a little odd to use the word in a solely adult context,

when I do my hair and make up, it is either for me, personally, or if I am going somewhere and want to feel my best.

What are you on about

I absolutely put on some more mascara maybe a bit of perfume and check my face before he comes home!! I work from home full time so easy to let standards slip!!

If you like ti look nice for him that's fine. I know my DH likes me to wear a pretty dress or skirt and top, no pressure, so somedays I do indeed put on something nice because I know he thinks I'll look pretty. (He still thinks I'm pretty when we're down the allotment covered in mud, he married me not my wardrobe)

Ive always liked wearing make up etc and do most days but it's not for my husband it's because I think it makes me look better and feel more confident

It's not my cup of tea but on the flip side you see lots of posts on here about relationships that have gone stale and sexless marriages and so forth so if you feel happy about it I think you should go for it and keep the magic alive rather than fall into a rut. Good for you!

Do what makes you happy. I’ve never been one to stay in jammies all day. I need to get out once a day for my mental health even if it’s just for a walk.

do what makes you feel good

Regardless of what your husband thinks, from what you've said it sounds like it's something that makes you feel a bit more confident in yourself, and I'm guessing it also means you have a bit of separation between your day and your evening.

If this is something that makes you happy and not something you feel like your husband is making you do (and it doesn't sound like that from your post, because you say he would be happy regardless) then that is absolutely fine.

Oh, get over yourself

If you are doing it for yourself then crack on.

I WFH and don't have a partner, I get dressed at least into jeans and do my hair, although don't do make up just for myself, I hate being in lounge wear and PJs all day (unless ill or home with a newborn).

There's a balance I think. No harm at all in getting dressed up if you enjoy it, but you shouldn't impose it on yourself because it's a high bar to live up to. If the day came when you were too busy, or not well then you would hopefully feel ok with not bothering; as your life partner should be the one who you feel most comfortable with seeing you at your worst, as well as the person you most want to see you at your best.

YABU for using the words “full time mummy”

It's not my culture or style to present myself that way, but if your culture places a value on it then I'm sure it does raise your self esteem to be doing that. At the end of the day if it makes you feel good then you will be a better you for doing it so that's a good thing.