Page 3 | To look nice for husband?

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 20/12/2023 15:57

Well I'm at work all day, but if I weren't, I wouldn't hang around in my pyjamas. Not because I want to look nice for my husband, but because I don't wear pyjamas except when I'm in bed. I wear normal clothes. On the occasions I do dress up, it would be for me, not for my husband.

Devilsmommy · 20/12/2023 16:01

Illpickthatup · 20/12/2023 12:49

Nothing makes me feel more confident than catching my DH eyeing me up or smacking my ass while I look like a tramp who's been dragged through a hedge backwards 🤣

Of course I love getting dressed up if were going somewhere but I'm not doing that everyday.

I'm exactly the same🤣 it's a nice boost when you're looking absolutely hideous but your DH gives you that look or like you say a healthy smack on the arse. It shows you that he loves you for you, hedge hair and slob gear regardless 😍

VolvoFan · 20/12/2023 16:09

I see no issues here. Looking nice for your husband is what a loving, loyal and caring wife does. That's all completely normal in my view and I'm not of the traveller community. Making an effort and doing something nice for your husband and showing you love him, even it's just doing yourself up, is the done thing in my way of life.

Jf20 · 20/12/2023 16:20

ohsuzannah · 20/12/2023 14:23

Back in the 50's I remember my mother ( and neighbours) spending all day in curlers covered by a turban. Then the hair was styled ( lots of hair lacquer) and lipstick applied before dad came home from work 🤔

I do this now, before going on video calls. Genuinely, although without the turban. Curlers out, some lippy on, onto a work zoom call. How the world has changed. 😄

Thepeopleversuswork · 20/12/2023 16:28

I don’t do hanging around in PJs and I feel better if I look nice and well put together but I’m fucked if I’m going to tart myself up for my partner’s return from work.

I earn three times more than he does: why should it be me putting a ribbon in my hair.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 20/12/2023 16:30

I would concentrate on looking nice for MYSELF.

mrlistersgelfbride · 20/12/2023 16:34

I've never been the sort of person who is happy in joggers and loungewear, even when spending days at home.
I remember when DD was a baby, people telling me you don't get dressed when you have kids which I find weird. I always managed to get dressed and put a bit of make up on every day.
I did it because I wanted to though, not for my partner.

NancyJoan · 28/12/2023 10:50

When my children were small, I still got dressed in considered outfits, usually a bit of make-up etc. I was doing it for myself rather than for anyone else, but I definitely felt better for it. I really struggled with the loss of self when I was on mat leave, and doing my make-up/using a handbag instead of just putting my purse in the baby bag, even if we were just going to the park, made me feel more me.

HappyBusman · 28/12/2023 10:59

macaronsandtea · 20/12/2023 13:42

Certainly not, I never grew up in a household where my mother was a housewife and my father was a man's man. My mother worked as hard as he did and i never once saw here wear a dress or makeup. They were equal partners in life and I never once saw any type of controlling in my environment.

Show quote history

Your OP said you’d grown up with ‘very male/female roles in the home’. What did you mean?

Squidlette · 28/12/2023 11:18

I couldn't wear pjs all day. I am still in them today though, because it's Xmas and I have a cold. I will change in a minute though, because to me, it marks the start of being active.

I always got dressed when I was on mat leave too; mainly cos I couldn't stay in the house, so was always walking somewhere.

I wouldn't have dressed up just for dh. I dress up for work and for nights out, so dh tends to see me looking good but on my way out, or at my scruffiest.

Hankunamatata · 28/12/2023 11:25

With kids those ages I was proud ud managed to shower and change clothes.

Do what works for you

therealcookiemonster · 28/12/2023 11:29

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 20/12/2023 12:41

If it makes you feel better, go for it.

For some reason I read the thread title as 'to look nice for dachshund' and was ready with my 'YABU'.

there is nothing wrong with looking nice for your pets. cats especially can be very judgemental.

Onceuponaheartache · 28/12/2023 11:31

If he genuinely doesn't care if he comes home to you in pj's with ouke in your hair. Then you aren't getting dressed yo for him. You are doing it for yourself and imo that is absolutely fine!

The dynamics of a marriage within the travelling community are subverted and sensationalised by the ridiculous documentaries in the early 2000's like gypsy wedding etc. They gave awful stereotypes to the male and female roles.

Yes there are some who still staunchly hold that tradition but most are far more progressive.

Do you @macaronsandtea. As long as you are happy sod what anyone else thinks.

therealcookiemonster · 28/12/2023 11:32

OP in essence there is nothing wrong with making an effort for your partner. tbh everyone, male or female should make an effort for their partner. but the way you phrase it worries me a little, I can't exactly put my finger on it. sort of feels like you have some internalised misogyny to deal with...

NearlyMonday · 28/12/2023 11:32

Cotswoldmama · 20/12/2023 13:10

Ive always liked wearing make up etc and do most days but it's not for my husband it's because I think it makes me look better and feel more confident

Same here. Even if I lived on a desert island, I would still make an effort. It makes me feel better.

ClottedCreamScone · 28/12/2023 11:34

It’s fine for you to do what makes you happy.

It is an issue, in my opinion, in circumstances where it’s not ’I like to look nice for my husband’ and is in fact ‘I have to look nice for my husband’, or ‘I’m only valuable if I look nice for my husband’, or ‘women who don’t make an effort to look nice for their husband are less worthy of respect’.

The difficulty is that in our patriarchal society it’s very hard to separate wanting to look nice for one’s husband because it makes one happy and fulfils one personally, from wanting to look nice for one’s husband because one has been told, both overtly and subliminally, that one’s worth is tied to one’s attractiveness and submission to men.

Thepeopleversuswork · 28/12/2023 11:36

@ClottedCreamScone

The difficulty is that in our patriarchal society it’s very hard to separate wanting to look nice for one’s husband because it makes one happy and fulfils one personally, from wanting to look nice for one’s husband because one has been told, both overtly and subliminally, that one’s worth is tied to one’s attractiveness and submission to men.

This.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 28/12/2023 11:37

If it makes you feel good to do that, then that's all that counts.

Augustus40 · 28/12/2023 11:43

It does sound very subservient to get dressed up for one's husband. We should do it for ourselves after all. If we wish to that is.

HappyBusman · 28/12/2023 11:44

Thepeopleversuswork · 28/12/2023 11:36

@ClottedCreamScone

The difficulty is that in our patriarchal society it’s very hard to separate wanting to look nice for one’s husband because it makes one happy and fulfils one personally, from wanting to look nice for one’s husband because one has been told, both overtly and subliminally, that one’s worth is tied to one’s attractiveness and submission to men.

This.

Exactly. And in the OP”s situation, a SAHM who grew up, she says, with ‘very male/female roles in the home’, her current ability to support herself and her young children is based on her DH continuing to be in the marriage — therefore her current nomic survival is linked to her husband continuing to find her attractive.

Add in a stigmatised ethnic background which deals with systemic discrimination and suffers from disproportionately poor physical and mental health, and she is vulnerable.

PeppermintMandy · 28/12/2023 11:54

The phrase “full time mummy” makes my
stomach churn 🤢

I am a SAHM. All Mums are full time Mums. You aren’t not being a Mum if you are at work some days of the week.

I think “dressing up” specifically for your husband coming home is odd. I wear comfy but not scruffy clothes at home with my toddler. I would never stay on PJs all day as it would make me feel crap. I do my hair and make up in the morning. It makes me feel good and “put together” and ready to leave the house if I have to/if the opportunity arises. Doing it just for your husband coming home is a bit 🙄 but it’s your life.

starynightskys · 28/12/2023 11:57

One thing i would say about the traveling community is there is more control than people think.
You sound like you are with a good lot but there are some that are not so nice.
I know to well 22 year ago i went for a walk and never went back I changed everything even my name i tell no one my roots.
I have some awful tails to tell.

LuckySantangelo35 · 28/12/2023 12:02

ReTrainTheBrain · 20/12/2023 12:35

Many of us would prefer not to be in pyjamas all day just for ourselves.

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@ReTrainTheBrain

well don’t then. Get dressed. It’s a choice to stay in pj’s.

theduchessofspork · 28/12/2023 12:06

I would generally prefer to feel presentable, and that goes for with my partner also.

Although I am currently sitting on a train looking like a wreck because I got up late.

Just make sure this set up keeps working for you. Great if it does but flexibility is a good thing.

SleepingStandingUp · 28/12/2023 12:38

we are from the travelling community and have been raised to have very male/female roles in the home
Then you say your Mom never wore a dress and went out and worked full time same as your Dad.

Which is it?