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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To look nice for husband?

114 replies

macaronsandtea · 20/12/2023 12:03

I am a full time mummy to a toddler and a newborn, my husband works full time and I take care of the home, I mostly lounge around the house in sportswear or pyjamas unless I'm going somewhere but just before my husband gets home I like to get dressed and do my hair and sometimes makeup, we are from the travelling community and have been raised to have very male/female roles in the home, my husband doesn't mind what I look like when he gets home as long as we are all healthy and happy, does anyone else just feel better and more confident if they look nice for their husband?

OP posts:
MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 20/12/2023 13:33

Sounds way too 1950s housewife for my liking but it's fine if you're happy. I'm wondering why you started this thread though...is there perhaps a part of you that thinks this set-up is not quite right?

Nanny0gg · 20/12/2023 13:34

BigFatLiar · 20/12/2023 13:04

If you like ti look nice for him that's fine. I know my DH likes me to wear a pretty dress or skirt and top, no pressure, so somedays I do indeed put on something nice because I know he thinks I'll look pretty. (He still thinks I'm pretty when we're down the allotment covered in mud, he married me not my wardrobe)

Does he dress up for you?

Original poster
macaronsandtea · 20/12/2023 13:39

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 20/12/2023 12:41

If it makes you feel better, go for it.

For some reason I read the thread title as 'to look nice for dachshund' and was ready with my 'YABU'.

The dachshund thing made me laugh out loud!

OP posts:
Original poster
macaronsandtea · 20/12/2023 13:42

Justtryingtobehelpful · 20/12/2023 12:46

I think your grew up in a very highly controlled environment and are now deconstructing your understanding of how the world works. Meaning splitting out what is your thoughts and opinions versus what your group growing up told you was the 'right way'.
Try out different ways of being. Researching group dynamics such as cults/religions or multi level marketing groups might give you some hints about what to focus on.

Certainly not, I never grew up in a household where my mother was a housewife and my father was a man's man. My mother worked as hard as he did and i never once saw here wear a dress or makeup. They were equal partners in life and I never once saw any type of controlling in my environment.

OP posts:
GOODCAT · 20/12/2023 13:45

Do what works for you. My sister in law did this for her husband, along with a number of things she chose to do like make his lunch every day and include a love note. That level of effort from her was not matched by him.

She was quite firm in her view that this is how it should be, which was quite interesting when we stayed with them while we were on honeymoon as neither of us thought like that. As newlyweds neither of us were making the effort she was making for her husband and she had a very long marriage.

I don't think she regrets it, even though eventually it was an unhappy marriage. However she fundamentally likes to be glamorous.

Edinburghguy · 20/12/2023 13:46

Sounds like a lovely thing to do for your husband if you’re both happy with it.

Dweetfidilove · 20/12/2023 13:51

If it works for you, carry on.

More importantly, you say it makes you feel happy and more confident, so why not?

There are scores of threads where women are complaining about their husbands who’ve given up on hygiene and all sorts, and it usually starts from somewhere…

Hope your husband finds ways to make himself attractive to you too.

Original poster
macaronsandtea · 20/12/2023 13:53

Illpickthatup · 20/12/2023 12:49

Nothing makes me feel more confident than catching my DH eyeing me up or smacking my ass while I look like a tramp who's been dragged through a hedge backwards 🤣

Of course I love getting dressed up if were going somewhere but I'm not doing that everyday.

This is exactly what I mean, he thinks I'm beautiful regardless of whether I'm several days unshowered and have baby puke in my hair or if I'm all done up! It just feels good to make some effort.

OP posts:
Sususudio · 20/12/2023 13:55

I' am not so keen on traditional male/female roles myself. And I come from a community where these were common. I'd rather look nice for my dachshund!

I do make sure I am super clean everyday, though, but I might be in sweats. ( clean ones).

Jf20 · 20/12/2023 14:06

macaronsandtea · 20/12/2023 13:53

This is exactly what I mean, he thinks I'm beautiful regardless of whether I'm several days unshowered and have baby puke in my hair or if I'm all done up! It just feels good to make some effort.

Show quote history

It’s not typical and is a very outdated concept.but honestly, why ask, if it makes you happy then do as you please. No one is watching and judging. And personally as much as it’s not for me, I also don’t do pjs all day. I get showered, dressed, do my hair, shove some concealer etc and perfume on for me, not to impress my husband, I’d be beyond stunned if I came home and he’d got dressed up for me.

you don’t need validation from others, or to know if anyone else does it, if this set up works for you, them that’s all that matters.

Rickenbackergoodgrief · 20/12/2023 14:11

I shower and dress each morning, but that has always been my way.
I don't own any make up or perfume and I wouldn't be wearing it for DH even if I did.
That said, you do what you feel comfortable with op, not what you think someone else thinks you should do.

JFDIYOLO · 20/12/2023 14:12

Do you like it? Does it please you? Does it make you feel good?

Are you happy with him? Does he appreciate you all?

Then do it!! Enjoy!

chillin12 · 20/12/2023 14:13

I get what you mean! Haha, it’s a nice to feel more confident in yourself. Although, I only have one five month old to look after, I tend to stay in nighties most of the time. I don’t wear tops and bottoms, as I find long nighties so much more comfortable. Even when my husband is back from work, I don’t always change, but I do like having my hair somewhat neat, and a little bit of make up done, at times. It’s also about feeling nice for yourself, as well as your husband, so I don’t see the issue. It’s completely natural to want to make an effort for your husband, and vice versa, which I think is a good thing, and should be encouraged. I like looking nice for my husband too, and he does the same for me. Completely normal.

Liamgallaghersparka · 20/12/2023 14:14

That's absolutely fine. Make sure you're doing it for yourself though too

ohsuzannah · 20/12/2023 14:23

Back in the 50's I remember my mother ( and neighbours) spending all day in curlers covered by a turban. Then the hair was styled ( lots of hair lacquer) and lipstick applied before dad came home from work 🤔

FairytaleOfKent · 20/12/2023 14:40

I don't wear make-up and nice clothes for my DH, I do it for myself. I am a SAHM with a 3 year old and a 10 week old. It makes me feel good and ready for the day. If I wear PJs too late into the morning then it makes me feel different, it makes me feel a bit 'meh'. I can't imagine wearing PJs all day, but then, I have to get out every day anyway or else I feel cooped up.

BigFatLiar · 20/12/2023 14:40

Nanny0gg · 20/12/2023 13:34

Does he dress up for you?

Show quote history

Sometimes, unfortunately even in his best suit he still ends up looking untidy.

shewithnoname · 20/12/2023 14:42

good for you! you do what feels right for you and what makes you feel happy!

i'm too old and long in the tooth now to worry about what my husband thinks about my looks.. if he doesnt like it, he can do one! he knows he's punching above his weight anyway lol

wp65 · 20/12/2023 14:48

ohsuzannah · 20/12/2023 14:23

Back in the 50's I remember my mother ( and neighbours) spending all day in curlers covered by a turban. Then the hair was styled ( lots of hair lacquer) and lipstick applied before dad came home from work 🤔

I find this so fascinating!

Grapewrath · 20/12/2023 14:49

It’s totally up to you and what makes you and your family happy.
Its sometimes nice to have something to get dresssed for if youre a full time parent

hangingonfordearlife1 · 20/12/2023 14:57

i've been with him 21 years so he's seen me at
my absolute worst. I would hate to have to put on a fake show for him. He's my person, my other half and my soul mate. He actually always says i don't need make up

Sunshineandflipflops · 20/12/2023 15:10

Kingoftheroad · 20/12/2023 13:16

Do what makes you happy. I’ve never been one to stay in jammies all day. I need to get out once a day for my mental health even if it’s just for a walk.

do what makes you feel good

Same. Both my dp and I wfh but we both shower and get dressed every day and I do my hair/put a bit of make up on for myself but also because I am likely to be on a Team meeting at some point.

We also go for a short walk most lunch times so I wouldn't want to be in PJ's/loungewear for that.

Would I do it just to 'look nice' for my dp though? No. When he starts dressing up and putting on make up for me then maybe...😂

ThePoshUns · 20/12/2023 15:33

If it's something you want to do for yourself that's fine.
I personally wouldn't spend the day in pjs, even if I'm ill Iike to get showered and dressed.

WallaceinAnderland · 20/12/2023 15:42

Do whatever makes you feel good. I find a shower is a really good, quick pick me up, even if you just put pjs on again (but clean ones obvs).

OakElmAsh · 20/12/2023 15:50

ManateeFair · 20/12/2023 13:20

Regardless of what your husband thinks, from what you've said it sounds like it's something that makes you feel a bit more confident in yourself, and I'm guessing it also means you have a bit of separation between your day and your evening.

If this is something that makes you happy and not something you feel like your husband is making you do (and it doesn't sound like that from your post, because you say he would be happy regardless) then that is absolutely fine.

This ... as long as its your choice and makes you happy, fill yer boots

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