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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Think this school policy is ridiculous

771 replies

sadbutdontknowwhy · 20/12/2023 11:50

Secondary school
DS15 has had his phone confiscated for the 3rd time this term.
Absolutely fine, he shouldn't have had it out so deserves the punishment
However, they won't give it back to him at 3.15. A parent has to go and collect it.
Tried to explain that 1, it means one of us leaving work, and 2, he needs it to access the gym straight after school, and 3, it his property but they won't budge. It stays with school until a parent can collect
In no way am I kicking off about the confiscation, but I'm fuming I'm also being punished as well!
Arghhhhh. Rant over.

OP posts:
AnonnyMouseDave · 20/12/2023 16:20

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 20/12/2023 16:19

Differently than it does now. Mobiles are part of modern life, whether we like it or not.

Show quote history

Precisely.

Doteycat · 20/12/2023 16:20

This reply has been deleted

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Benibidibici · 20/12/2023 16:21

Anonnymouse

I don't think this is a petty or unfair rule.

Phones are distracting and annoying in schools. He has already had this confiscated twice and is continuing to behave as though he is above the rules.

What should the school do? He's disobedient and needs to be made to stop getting phone out somehow.

Nanny0gg · 20/12/2023 16:21

OracleofAragorn1 · 20/12/2023 16:18

how did society function before mobile phones ?

I don't know.

How did society function before the WWW and the Internet? The internal combustion engine? Electricity? TV? Supermarkets?

What do you want to do without?

Benibidibici · 20/12/2023 16:21

Plenry of schools don't let you get the phone back for a week or two & yet these teens survive.

OracleofAragorn1 · 20/12/2023 16:23

the point i was trying to make with my question was mobiles are not essential in schools, if the mobiles were absent then the teachers could focus more on teaching

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 20/12/2023 16:23

Benibidibici · 20/12/2023 16:21

Plenry of schools don't let you get the phone back for a week or two & yet these teens survive.

This really is ridiculous.
They have no right to take something that is actually contracted to and paid for by someone else.

WearyAuldWumman · 20/12/2023 16:24

I think we've all made mistakes, but not many of us got as far as being giving two chances to do the right thing and then blowing it again.

Notimeforaname · 20/12/2023 16:24

There is a gym in my place of work and yes , you absolutely need your phone to get in. Can only book via the app and must scan your barcode (on your phone) at the front desk on arrival..literally no other way to use the gym.

OP I do think you make a lot of excuses for him... bad day, he made a mistake, hes having a horrible term, he needs the gym to cheer himself up, he wanted to text for bus fare etc.

An appropriate punishment would have been to take gym away from him or leave his phone there because the things you are doing are not stopping him from breaking the same rule over and over.

AnonnyMouseDave · 20/12/2023 16:24

Benibidibici · 20/12/2023 16:21

Anonnymouse

I don't think this is a petty or unfair rule.

Phones are distracting and annoying in schools. He has already had this confiscated twice and is continuing to behave as though he is above the rules.

What should the school do? He's disobedient and needs to be made to stop getting phone out somehow.

Sorry if I was unclear or explained badly ( got two things confused I think). Sometimes it is the rule that is petty and unfair. In other cases (like this one) it is the punishment which is petty or unfair. In this case I would support a harsher punishment for breaking a very sensible rule, but not a punishment that deprives him of his phone outside of school, nor a punishment for the mother.

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 20/12/2023 16:24

OracleofAragorn1 · 20/12/2023 16:23

the point i was trying to make with my question was mobiles are not essential in schools, if the mobiles were absent then the teachers could focus more on teaching

Edited

Many of my son's teachers expected them to have internet enabled phones that they could use for class work.

AnonnyMouseDave · 20/12/2023 16:25

Benibidibici · 20/12/2023 16:21

Plenry of schools don't let you get the phone back for a week or two & yet these teens survive.

So that other schools are worse makes this school right? Make it make sense

Benibidibici · 20/12/2023 16:25

They have no right to take something that is actually contracted to and paid for by someone else.

Except for that literally they legally have exactly that right. hth.

jeffgoldblum · 20/12/2023 16:27

My daughter's school has moved everything and I mean everything to online and apps!
Homework
Time tables
Absence reporting
They even asked them to download the dulingo app for French and Spanish !

AnonnyMouseDave · 20/12/2023 16:27

Benibidibici · 20/12/2023 16:25

They have no right to take something that is actually contracted to and paid for by someone else.

Except for that literally they legally have exactly that right. hth.

Subject to the safeguarding caveats in the legislation that was linked to upthread, and which may apply in this case. SCHOOLS DO NOT HAVE AN UNFETTERED RIGHT TO TAKE PHONES if you bother to read the link upthread.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 20/12/2023 16:28

If we're talking "life skills" how about teaching the teachers the life skill that you have no right not to be photographed, not least in a school where they are probably being photographed by cameras installed by the school.

We aren't talking about walking around in public on the streets. We are talking about schools, which have rules, many of which are in place to safeguard students. Students use phones to film each other inappropriately. It is our job to prevent things like that from happening in school. Knowing that you don't have a right not to be filmed helps how?

AnonnyMouseDave · 20/12/2023 16:28

Benibidibici · 20/12/2023 16:25

They have no right to take something that is actually contracted to and paid for by someone else.

Except for that literally they legally have exactly that right. hth.

And furthermore, having the legal right does not make it morally right or an effective policy.

Thementalloadisreal · 20/12/2023 16:28

YABU. It’s perfectly reasonable for the school office staff to expect a parent to collect something at the end of the school day. It’s the end of their working day.
It might inconvenience you but it would inconvenience them to have to hang until the end of your working day - it’s not their problem that your child broke the rules, it’s yours.

(I am aware school staff work out of hours a lot but not specifically for this reason!)

WearyAuldWumman · 20/12/2023 16:30

Bromptotoo · 20/12/2023 15:36

My OH is a teacher. I've seen my kids from babes thru to 6th form. I live in a village with a 1500 pupil rural comprehensive to which kids are bused in from all around.

I'm not saying phones in the class are not a damn nuisance. I'm not saying they shouldn't be confiscated. My point is that requiring a parent's attendance at the school is disproportionate.

Show quote history

Sometimes, requiring a parent's attendance at school is (unfortunately) the only thing that works. Seems to be the case here, since the three strikes rule has been applied.

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 20/12/2023 16:32

Benibidibici · 20/12/2023 16:25

They have no right to take something that is actually contracted to and paid for by someone else.

Except for that literally they legally have exactly that right. hth.

They don't.
A random person, who happens to work in a school, does not have the right to take and keep something which is mine.

stomachameleon · 20/12/2023 16:32

@Starsun I just wanted to say I think your daughter is doing well. I am a teacher with type one and Crohn's (and a bag) school can be tough to manage!

OhBeAFineGuyKissMe · 20/12/2023 16:34

Nearly every single student who has been caught using there is texting their mum/dad. Funny that. What is also odd is if a student asked to use their phone for that reason we would give permission, at an appropriate time (end of lesson, tutor time)

OP I seriously doubt he was texting you mid lesson about bus fair. He just knows that is an acceptable thing to say. Does he show any contrition about inconveniencing you? That can make an impact.

Could he have gotten himself into a negative spiral at school? This does happen, if so then use the break as a reset

WearyAuldWumman · 20/12/2023 16:34

AnonnyMouseDave · 20/12/2023 15:42

If we're talking "life skills" how about teaching the teachers the life skill that you have no right not to be photographed, not least in a school where they are probably being photographed by cameras installed by the school.

Show quote history

Are you comparing the use of CCTV cameras (installed for security and safety) to children using their phones to take pics for bullying purposes?

Original poster
sadbutdontknowwhy · 20/12/2023 16:35

OhBeAFineGuyKissMe · 20/12/2023 16:34

Nearly every single student who has been caught using there is texting their mum/dad. Funny that. What is also odd is if a student asked to use their phone for that reason we would give permission, at an appropriate time (end of lesson, tutor time)

OP I seriously doubt he was texting you mid lesson about bus fair. He just knows that is an acceptable thing to say. Does he show any contrition about inconveniencing you? That can make an impact.

Could he have gotten himself into a negative spiral at school? This does happen, if so then use the break as a reset

He absolutely has got in a negative spiral
We are going to try and adjust this next term with a teachers support

OP posts:
Original poster
sadbutdontknowwhy · 20/12/2023 16:39

Thementalloadisreal · 20/12/2023 16:28

YABU. It’s perfectly reasonable for the school office staff to expect a parent to collect something at the end of the school day. It’s the end of their working day.
It might inconvenience you but it would inconvenience them to have to hang until the end of your working day - it’s not their problem that your child broke the rules, it’s yours.

(I am aware school staff work out of hours a lot but not specifically for this reason!)

Ah so the schools time is more important than mine? I'll be sure to tell my employer that

Nobody's time is more important than anyone else's. But I'm not in a position to drop everything to be at school at a certain time only

OP posts: