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AIBU?

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Original poster

Think this school policy is ridiculous

771 replies

sadbutdontknowwhy · 20/12/2023 11:50

Secondary school
DS15 has had his phone confiscated for the 3rd time this term.
Absolutely fine, he shouldn't have had it out so deserves the punishment
However, they won't give it back to him at 3.15. A parent has to go and collect it.
Tried to explain that 1, it means one of us leaving work, and 2, he needs it to access the gym straight after school, and 3, it his property but they won't budge. It stays with school until a parent can collect
In no way am I kicking off about the confiscation, but I'm fuming I'm also being punished as well!
Arghhhhh. Rant over.

OP posts:
Original poster
sadbutdontknowwhy · 20/12/2023 15:55

LaurieStrode · 20/12/2023 15:53

Curious as to why bus fare isn't sorted out during non-classroom hours.

Teenagers!

OP posts:
AnonnyMouseDave · 20/12/2023 15:56

sadbutdontknowwhy · 20/12/2023 15:47

@Luxell934
I'm not punishing him by stopping him going to the gym
He has to hand his phone in when he gets back and isn't allowed to take it to school tomorrow.

You sound like a good parent. Next someone will suggest you should punish him by not letting him have vegetables with his dinner.

OracleofAragorn1 · 20/12/2023 15:56

AnonnyMouseDave · 20/12/2023 15:54

I am deadly serious. Obviously I do not think kids should have their phones out or filming in school, but I have watched a lot of "police auditors" recently, and it is astonishing how many people don't understand that their is no expectation of privacy when in public, and that people can photograph whoever and whatever they like in and from public places (caveat voyeurism and harassment - ie photographing someone can become harassment or can be voyeurism which is illegal).

And moaning about "being filmed" when you are walking around a town centre with cctv cameras on every lampost filming you is just bonkers!

Show quote history

there is one problem a school although used as a building by the public is not an actual public building therefore illegal at least thats my understanding

Cerealkiller4U · 20/12/2023 15:56

AnonnyMouseDave · 20/12/2023 15:54

I am deadly serious. Obviously I do not think kids should have their phones out or filming in school, but I have watched a lot of "police auditors" recently, and it is astonishing how many people don't understand that their is no expectation of privacy when in public, and that people can photograph whoever and whatever they like in and from public places (caveat voyeurism and harassment - ie photographing someone can become harassment or can be voyeurism which is illegal).

And moaning about "being filmed" when you are walking around a town centre with cctv cameras on every lampost filming you is just bonkers!

Show quote history

Ahh. But cctv generally won’t end up on social media etc

they won’t steal your data….

being filmed on someone’s phone is entirely different and I don’t like it when people do it to me on private property

AnonnyMouseDave · 20/12/2023 15:58

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 20/12/2023 15:51

I believe that anyone who does anything to get in the way of young people choosing to exercise is rather immoral, and whatever the deal is with this gym it is clear accessing it is easier with a phone and maybe impossible without.

How on earth is using his phone during the school day is necessary in order to go to a gym after school?! Teachers are trying to crack down on misuse of phones in school, which can be a big problem in various ways. If he didn’t use his phone inappropriately, it wouldn't be taken away.

I didn't say he needed the phone in school hours, I said I believe he needs it to go to the gym.

Everyone agrees he has done wrong and needs punishing, the issue is how. FFS.

jeffgoldblum · 20/12/2023 15:59

@sadbutdontknowwhy , I know you say he isn't interested in being tested for adhd but a friend of mine was having similar issues with her son , once it was diagnosed and actions taken, he was a different person at school!
Being unable to focus without solving a problem ( such as bus fare) first is not uncommon!

AnonnyMouseDave · 20/12/2023 16:00

OracleofAragorn1 · 20/12/2023 15:56

there is one problem a school although used as a building by the public is not an actual public building therefore illegal at least thats my understanding

Show quote history

I did not say that kids have a right to film in schools, I said that maybe the teachers will learn a valuable lesson about not having a right to not be photographed (even if they might have a right not to be photographed by kids in school)

LondonJax · 20/12/2023 16:01

AnonnyMouseDave · 20/12/2023 15:42

If we're talking "life skills" how about teaching the teachers the life skill that you have no right not to be photographed, not least in a school where they are probably being photographed by cameras installed by the school.

Show quote history

The whole point @AnonnyMouseDave is that the kids are at school to learn, not take photos or text or play phone games during school time. What they do when the bell goes at the end of the school day isn't the school's business.

Whether a photo could have been taken by anyone on the street or via CCTV isn't the point. If I take a photograph on the street or anywhere else I'm not learning and I'm not working. I don't go around taking photos of the pigeons in the playground at school or a particularly lovely tree near the canteen. Why? Because I am working. The kids are in lessons...to learn...not take photos during that time.

Others can't learn when a phone is going bleep because mum or dad is telling some random student that they'll pick them up after school, then having keypad tones going off as they text back to say OK. Should the other kids just have to put up with that? That message will still be there at the end of the school day - it can be accessed then - or parents can call the school if it's urgent. And even if the phone's on silent, a student answering a text isn't fully engaged.

You don't have phones going off if you're in a cinema or theatre...because it's distracting. And you'd have something to say (quite rightly) if they did. Give other kids in the class the respect they're due by allowing them to learn in peace.

Benibidibici · 20/12/2023 16:06

If the things both you and school have done to date aren't working, what else are they supposed to do? He needs to learn to follow rules and should have learned years ago.

Schools are battling poor behaviour because of exactly these sorts of situations.

Leave it. If the exercise he gets at the gym helps him, send him out for a run.

He needs to be properly inconvenienced, to make him learn.

AnonnyMouseDave · 20/12/2023 16:07

Cerealkiller4U · 20/12/2023 15:56

Ahh. But cctv generally won’t end up on social media etc

they won’t steal your data….

being filmed on someone’s phone is entirely different and I don’t like it when people do it to me on private property

Show quote history

I don't like it either. But if they are on public land, or they are on "quasi-public" private land then they have the right to film you, up to the point it becomes voyeurism or harassment.... and I believe that the right of people to film you is much more sensible than you having a right to not be filmed without consent, making pretty much all public and quasi-public filming impossible.

Benibidibici · 20/12/2023 16:08

Going to a gym is a luxury. Losing his phone doesn't prevent him exercising. He can go for a run.

Original poster
sadbutdontknowwhy · 20/12/2023 16:09

Benibidibici · 20/12/2023 16:08

Going to a gym is a luxury. Losing his phone doesn't prevent him exercising. He can go for a run.

Thanks
I'll decide how to parent him

OP posts:
Benibidibici · 20/12/2023 16:10

He books his gym via the app
He uses the bus app
He often cycles too and from the gym and lets me know he is safe
His banking app is on his phone

None if these are essential. They can all be managed around. It will be really annoying and inconvenient for him. This will make him learn to follow the fucking rules.

OracleofAragorn1 · 20/12/2023 16:11

Benibidibici · 20/12/2023 16:10

He books his gym via the app
He uses the bus app
He often cycles too and from the gym and lets me know he is safe
His banking app is on his phone

None if these are essential. They can all be managed around. It will be really annoying and inconvenient for him. This will make him learn to follow the fucking rules.

unless the op is of the oh the school is wrong.

AnonnyMouseDave · 20/12/2023 16:12

Benibidibici · 20/12/2023 16:10

He books his gym via the app
He uses the bus app
He often cycles too and from the gym and lets me know he is safe
His banking app is on his phone

None if these are essential. They can all be managed around. It will be really annoying and inconvenient for him. This will make him learn to follow the fucking rules.

I pity you if there is no-one in your life for whom you see the need to keep in contact with to ensure they are safe travelling, Is that why you are so bitter?

Nanny0gg · 20/12/2023 16:13

greenacrylicpaint · 20/12/2023 14:14

yabu
our dc school has a similar policy.
4th time it's parents pick up the phone after a week...
they learn quickly.
dc put their phones into their lockers as soon as they arrive at school.

'Lockers'?

Rare as hen's teeth around here/

Benibidibici · 20/12/2023 16:13

She is choosing to take the consequences of his bad behaviour for him by allowing herself to be inconvenienced instead of him.

She can't blame the school for that, its her choice.

Twenty quid says her son gets the phone confiscated again in Jan.

Original poster
sadbutdontknowwhy · 20/12/2023 16:13

Benibidibici · 20/12/2023 16:10

He books his gym via the app
He uses the bus app
He often cycles too and from the gym and lets me know he is safe
His banking app is on his phone

None if these are essential. They can all be managed around. It will be really annoying and inconvenient for him. This will make him learn to follow the fucking rules.

Thanks again

Swearing in bold makes you right

OP posts:
Benibidibici · 20/12/2023 16:14

I pity you if there is no-one in your life for whom you see the need to keep in contact with to ensure they are safe travelling, Is that why you are so bitter?

Like most people over the age of forty i managed to travel to and from school age day without a phone to call a parent.

I have a lovely husband and two fab kids, none of us are constantly checking our progress home from school/work.

Nanny0gg · 20/12/2023 16:17

NanaTucker57 · 20/12/2023 14:30

Stop letting him take it to school. There's no reason he has to have it. Seriously no Gym is going to require him to have a phone to get into it to open the door...thats ridiculous. What if there were no phones in the world, he'd still have to go to gym class right? So stop with the bs & start parenting your kid...people need to quit buying their kids phones .....they don't need them unless they have a job, & are 18...or at least 16...& driving...

I love these posters that know everything about everything.

What would we do without them?

AnonnyMouseDave · 20/12/2023 16:18

Benibidibici · 20/12/2023 16:10

He books his gym via the app
He uses the bus app
He often cycles too and from the gym and lets me know he is safe
His banking app is on his phone

None if these are essential. They can all be managed around. It will be really annoying and inconvenient for him. This will make him learn to follow the fucking rules.

Petty and unfair rules often teach kids to hate authority, or to engage in "guerilla disobedience" as much as possible. And keeping the parents onside if you want to improve pupil behaviour can only help, surely, not winding them up by making their lives really difficult for no reason?

Sensible, proportionate punishments (which can be strict) are more likely to improve discipline than one's which seem petty or unfair.

Maybe part of the reason I am coming off as batshit to some other posters on this thread is because I faced petty unfair rules in my childhood, and I have a massive fucking issue with authority as a result to this day (well into middle age). I am perfectly capable of being a responsible member of society, running my business, being in a LTR... but if you start getting petty with me with dumbfuck rules in you shopping centre or hotel or whatever then you will regret it (even if you don't know I was responsible for the revenge served).

OracleofAragorn1 · 20/12/2023 16:18

how did society function before mobile phones ?

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 20/12/2023 16:18

@sadbutdontknowwhy I'm glad you got the phone - I hope you and your son can discuss/sort out how he really does need to follow the school rules, and that he's grateful that you at least now have the phone in your possession. Hope he enjoys the gym time too. You sound like am understanding and kind mum.

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 20/12/2023 16:19

OracleofAragorn1 · 20/12/2023 16:18

how did society function before mobile phones ?

Differently than it does now. Mobiles are part of modern life, whether we like it or not.

AnonnyMouseDave · 20/12/2023 16:20

Benibidibici · 20/12/2023 16:14

I pity you if there is no-one in your life for whom you see the need to keep in contact with to ensure they are safe travelling, Is that why you are so bitter?

Like most people over the age of forty i managed to travel to and from school age day without a phone to call a parent.

I have a lovely husband and two fab kids, none of us are constantly checking our progress home from school/work.

Has anything changed in the world since you were a child?

Can you confirm exactly how safe or unsafe your area is compared to the area where OP lives and her son goes to school?