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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Think this school policy is ridiculous

771 replies

sadbutdontknowwhy · 20/12/2023 11:50

Secondary school
DS15 has had his phone confiscated for the 3rd time this term.
Absolutely fine, he shouldn't have had it out so deserves the punishment
However, they won't give it back to him at 3.15. A parent has to go and collect it.
Tried to explain that 1, it means one of us leaving work, and 2, he needs it to access the gym straight after school, and 3, it his property but they won't budge. It stays with school until a parent can collect
In no way am I kicking off about the confiscation, but I'm fuming I'm also being punished as well!
Arghhhhh. Rant over.

OP posts:
OracleofAragorn · 20/12/2023 15:39

sadbutdontknowwhy · 20/12/2023 15:37

Anyway

I've collected his phone (understanding workplace,
I've had a calm discussion with him and found out exactly what happened (I wasn't told why it had been confiscated in the call from school)
He's had an awful day at school (again) and has taken himself off to the gym to cheer himself off (weird)
The fact that this half term has been ridiculously long (even the teachers are fed up) probably hasn't helped the situation

but then either way if the school has a no phones policy in lessons then they are there to learn and study rather than oh im bored ill get my phone out etc

AnonnyMouseDave · 20/12/2023 15:39

IFindYouAnnoyingNigel · 20/12/2023 15:36

Okay, so maybe "nobody needs a phone" is too much of a sweeping statement. I don't personally know anyone who "needs" one, though I know plenty of people who use them to do things that they could do via other means.

I don't think a teenager who goes to the gym, uses a bus and rides a bike is in the "need" category.

Show quote history

I believe that anyone who does anything to get in the way of young people choosing to exercise is rather immoral, and whatever the deal is with this gym it is clear accessing it is easier with a phone and maybe impossible without.

Luxell934 · 20/12/2023 15:40

sadbutdontknowwhy · 20/12/2023 15:37

Anyway

I've collected his phone (understanding workplace,
I've had a calm discussion with him and found out exactly what happened (I wasn't told why it had been confiscated in the call from school)
He's had an awful day at school (again) and has taken himself off to the gym to cheer himself off (weird)
The fact that this half term has been ridiculously long (even the teachers are fed up) probably hasn't helped the situation

Awesome. So sounds like your son has learn absolutely nothing and you can expect to be leaving work multiple times next term to pick up his phone. Good luck with that!

jeffgoldblum · 20/12/2023 15:40

sadbutdontknowwhy · 20/12/2023 15:37

Anyway

I've collected his phone (understanding workplace,
I've had a calm discussion with him and found out exactly what happened (I wasn't told why it had been confiscated in the call from school)
He's had an awful day at school (again) and has taken himself off to the gym to cheer himself off (weird)
The fact that this half term has been ridiculously long (even the teachers are fed up) probably hasn't helped the situation

Can I ask the reason @sadbutdontknowwhy ?
Or is that too nosy! ( I sometimes have issues with my daughter's school!)

BombaySamphire · 20/12/2023 15:41

AnonnyMouseDave · 20/12/2023 15:39

I believe that anyone who does anything to get in the way of young people choosing to exercise is rather immoral, and whatever the deal is with this gym it is clear accessing it is easier with a phone and maybe impossible without.

Show quote history

Maybe this kid could wise up and stop getting in his own way.
Maybe now he will 🤷🏻‍♀️

Roundycippae · 20/12/2023 15:42

Our school has the same policy. I completely support.

3rd time? I wouldn’t go and get it for him, I would leave it a day or 2 that should help him remember not to use it in school hours.

AnonnyMouseDave · 20/12/2023 15:42

LondonJax · 20/12/2023 15:36

@Bromptotoo I do agree with you re the need for the phones OUTSIDE school. It's inside that's the problem.

I work in a school and, as I said upthread, we have a 'you can keep your phone on you but it needs to be switched off and out of sight' (i.e. in bag or pocket).

I have, personally, caught kids on the phone to their mum asking if they can go to a friend's that night. We allow the kids to call home from the school office. Both they and their parents know that.

I've had kids ask if they can access their timetable on their phone, said no, I'll print one for you. Then get told 'but I just need to check if my friend/mum/neighbour has text me'. Well that changed fast from checking a timetable to checking for a text...still the answer is no.

The rule is phone off and out of sight in school times. Before and after school the kids can switch them on. It's really simple.

But we spend ages telling kids to put their phone away. The time wasted is ridiculous. And why do we do it? Because we and other schools have had an issue a few years ago with 'slappings' in the playground being filmed. Teachers having their photograph taken without permission. Ditto kids. Games being played on phones in lessons and parents texting instructions for after school - with all the resulting pings and bleeps. Distracting for the kids who want to learn. A safeguarding issue if it's encouraging bullying and sharing of photos etc.,

If kids didn't use their phones as 'playthings', only using them to research things in lessons or contacting parents AFTER school, then the rules wouldn't be needed to be honest. And I wouldn't have to waste my time telling kids to put phones away when they know exactly what the rules are.

If we're talking "life skills" how about teaching the teachers the life skill that you have no right not to be photographed, not least in a school where they are probably being photographed by cameras installed by the school.

shearwater2 · 20/12/2023 15:43

Luxell934 · 20/12/2023 15:38

It seems to me like your blaming the school though. and not directing blame to your son for putting you in this position.

What do you want the school to do? hand the phone back to your son so you don't have to leave work? fine. he learns nothing gets to go to the gym etc and you get to not be invconvienced? then next term he gets his phone out again and he has learnt nothing. Try being supportive of the school.

Show quote history

The thing is, it's up to the OP to decide what, if any, further sanctions apply. It's not up to the school. Or this thread, for that matter. Perhaps she will decide to restrict his phone use over Christmas. But then she can decide. If she doesn't have the phone, the school is deciding for her.

If they want to call parents in to discuss behaviour then that's fine, but it should require an mutually agreeable appointment, not just a diktat to turn up at the end of the day whether or not it suits the parents' work or else they keep the phone for two weeks.

BombaySamphire · 20/12/2023 15:44

AnonnyMouseDave · 20/12/2023 15:42

If we're talking "life skills" how about teaching the teachers the life skill that you have no right not to be photographed, not least in a school where they are probably being photographed by cameras installed by the school.

Show quote history

You can’t actually be serious, @AnonnyMouseDave ? 😂
Is this one of your kids posting, or are you actually 12?

LaurieStrode · 20/12/2023 15:44

sadbutdontknowwhy · 20/12/2023 15:37

Anyway

I've collected his phone (understanding workplace,
I've had a calm discussion with him and found out exactly what happened (I wasn't told why it had been confiscated in the call from school)
He's had an awful day at school (again) and has taken himself off to the gym to cheer himself off (weird)
The fact that this half term has been ridiculously long (even the teachers are fed up) probably hasn't helped the situation

What is his role in the "awful day at school"? Or is everyone else to blame for that?

Original poster
sadbutdontknowwhy · 20/12/2023 15:45

@jeffgoldblum
He was texting me for bus fair!

OP posts:
Original poster
sadbutdontknowwhy · 20/12/2023 15:45

@LaurieStrode

Not relevant to this so no need to tell you

OP posts:
shearwater2 · 20/12/2023 15:46

LaurieStrode · 20/12/2023 15:44

What is his role in the "awful day at school"? Or is everyone else to blame for that?

Show quote history

Why would you say that? What is your problem exactly?

Original poster
sadbutdontknowwhy · 20/12/2023 15:47

@Luxell934
I'm not punishing him by stopping him going to the gym
He has to hand his phone in when he gets back and isn't allowed to take it to school tomorrow.

OP posts:
jeffgoldblum · 20/12/2023 15:48

Oh @sadbutdontknowwhy ! , that seems so sad a reason! , don't know why but I feel quite upset for you and him!
I may be projecting or reading between the lines too much but 🤷‍♀️
Have a non Mumsnet hug 🤗

user1471447924 · 20/12/2023 15:48

Sounds like this is the perfect, very well deserved punishment for your son and for you. 😅

Luxell934 · 20/12/2023 15:48

sadbutdontknowwhy · 20/12/2023 15:45

@jeffgoldblum
He was texting me for bus fair!

No he was simply texting in lesson time when he shouldn't be. You just don't get it do you. Oh well.

Original poster
sadbutdontknowwhy · 20/12/2023 15:49

@Luxell934

Just leave me alone now.

OP posts:
Original poster
sadbutdontknowwhy · 20/12/2023 15:50

jeffgoldblum · 20/12/2023 15:48

Oh @sadbutdontknowwhy ! , that seems so sad a reason! , don't know why but I feel quite upset for you and him!
I may be projecting or reading between the lines too much but 🤷‍♀️
Have a non Mumsnet hug 🤗

Ah thanks

Lesson learnt I think

Ready for the school holidays here I te ya

OP posts:
jeffgoldblum · 20/12/2023 15:51

@Luxell934 , you don't know the ops son or anything going on in his life , stop these attacks in the op and her son , it looks like bullying!

Everydayimhuffling · 20/12/2023 15:51

OP, it is a pain for you but I do think it's a reasonable school policy. Everyone is struggling with the long term (9 weeks where I am). Unfortunately, the rules do still have to be enforced or it is even worse for everyone.

It sounds like particularly bad timing for you with the holiday. Hopefully he'll be able to manage better in the new term.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 20/12/2023 15:51

I believe that anyone who does anything to get in the way of young people choosing to exercise is rather immoral, and whatever the deal is with this gym it is clear accessing it is easier with a phone and maybe impossible without.

How on earth is using his phone during the school day is necessary in order to go to a gym after school?! Teachers are trying to crack down on misuse of phones in school, which can be a big problem in various ways. If he didn’t use his phone inappropriately, it wouldn't be taken away.

LaurieStrode · 20/12/2023 15:53

Curious as to why bus fare isn't sorted out during non-classroom hours.

jeffgoldblum · 20/12/2023 15:53

Me too @sadbutdontknowwhy !
My son has sen and it's been an awful term here too !
So tired of everything lately. 😭

AnonnyMouseDave · 20/12/2023 15:54

BombaySamphire · 20/12/2023 15:44

You can’t actually be serious, @AnonnyMouseDave ? 😂
Is this one of your kids posting, or are you actually 12?

Show quote history

I am deadly serious. Obviously I do not think kids should have their phones out or filming in school, but I have watched a lot of "police auditors" recently, and it is astonishing how many people don't understand that their is no expectation of privacy when in public, and that people can photograph whoever and whatever they like in and from public places (caveat voyeurism and harassment - ie photographing someone can become harassment or can be voyeurism which is illegal).

And moaning about "being filmed" when you are walking around a town centre with cctv cameras on every lampost filming you is just bonkers!