Think this school policy is ridiculous

[sadbutdontknowwhy]

Secondary school
DS15 has had his phone confiscated for the 3rd time this term.
Absolutely fine, he shouldn't have had it out so deserves the punishment
However, they won't give it back to him at 3.15. A parent has to go and collect it.
Tried to explain that 1, it means one of us leaving work, and 2, he needs it to access the gym straight after school, and 3, it his property but they won't budge. It stays with school until a parent can collect
In no way am I kicking off about the confiscation, but I'm fuming I'm also being punished as well!
Arghhhhh. Rant over.

I don't think that OP.
I hope you can sort it out.

I don't think anyone's said that to be honest.

What they have said is that, after being told more than once that he can't use his phone, he has to learn to take the consequences.

That he needs to learn that his actions have inconvenienced you. He's had a little inconvenience with the gym etc., but you're having to take time off to get HIS phone. That's his fault and his responsibility and he needs to learn not to do it again.

As for his future job prospects. Well there are plenty of jobs that wouldn't encourage phone use during work time. I don't see many people in retail on their phones at the till, for example. Or teachers using their phones whilst they are supposed to be teaching. Or police officers wandering around with their head down on their beat. He has to learn to regulate himself and his need for the phone. That's what this is about.

So no, not a bad kid who won't get anywhere. Just someone who needs to learn responsibility for their own actions and not to rely on others (you) to get him out of situations.

The problem here is that phones are seen by the school as playthings. In reality they have many other functions too, in particular keeping a youngster in touch. Schools can be a long way from home and involve a journey where kids use buses and trains to cross whole cities.

When I was OP's lad's age in the mid seventies there were several payphones around the site and another three or four public call boxes within a few hundred yard. If the bus 'knocked' I'd ring my Mum at work and walk to meet her halfway. Same if I got in a scrape with kids from the 'other' school.

It was possession of a mobile and the capacity to track trains on the internet that allowed my daughter, in her mid teens, to travel alone to see a friend 150 miles away.

I doubt there are many if any payphones in the local rural comp now. Even the one down the road went 20 years ago. The kid's bus fare could be on his phone as well as emergency money for other stuff.

I think school needs a reality check.

In response to various posters, mainly ones who responded to me -

(1) My kids are very well behaved at school thank you very much. My eldest's two biggest complaints about school are naughty children who talk in class, and teachers who are soft on kids who talk in class.

(2) I never said anything about going soft on OPs rule breaking son. He should be punished if he breaks the rules.

(3) It is 2023. Smart phones with decent internet access are essentials for the many basic day to day tasks and communication, plus can be massively important parts of people's leisure time. They might be needed by other family members in evenings (eg young siblings use whichever device is not being used to play silly games for 20 mins after dinner).

(4) I believe that taking a phone outside of school hours, and / or massively inconveniencing a parent are morally wrong. And they risk ending up with students and parents who - say - decide to engage in vandalism as a matter or principle, or that they won't spend hours manning a stall at the next summer fete. I believe that certain rules (such as hair length for boys as it was in my day, or "we believe we have the right to take your private property off of you outside of school time") can be regarded as very nasty and petty and risk angry kids who decide to defy authority as often as possible as a matter of principle.

(5) People do not have a real choice of schools (for eg our "choice" is do we send ours to our closest school which he can walk to and has a great reputation, or do we send him to the one that has a very bad reputation and is really awkward to get to the other side of a dual carriage way and not practical by bus or foot.

(6) The law. I followed the link and there is more to it than simply "schools can take the phone if they want".

I think your the one who needs a reality check. and how many schools have you worked in?

I would.

Nobody "needs" a phone. I manage to live my life (including going to the gym, catching buses, letting people know I've arrived at places, making arrangements to meet people, banking) without having a phone other than a Nokia brick. Apps might make some things easier, but you can still do everything without them (except have a Lidl loyalty card, curiously).

He can live without a phone until January.

Standard policy in most schools. Total pain but it hopes you’ll back up the school by also having a go at your dc for ignoring pretty standard rules.

In 1840 no-one got a bus to school. Do you think it is ok for a school to confiscate a kid's bus pass?

Please show me one single poster who says the son is not in the wrong?

Of course some people need their phones.

You are creating drama when there is no need. He won't have a particular phone for 18 days because of the choices he made. That's all. You are not a terrible parent, he's not going to be feckless and jobless. None of us, or our children are perfect. He'll just manage without his phone for 18 days and hopefully won't do it again. You'll probably face a bit of huffing and puffing and muttering on about how unfair the school is, you are, the world is against him etc.

@Luxell934

Even I said my son was in the wrong and I'm the OP.

There are many jobs where you need to go several hours without access to your phone as they are locked away.
And losing your job is the minimum consequence for not following the rule.

Teenagers can't have their phones on them during exams.

Learning where phones are not appropriate is a life skill.

Nope. He’s no different to many teens.

But this is an opportunity to let him learn the consequences of his actions. He won’t learn if you don’t support the school and if there are no repercussions to his actions.

Blame him, not the schools policy. He’s bought it upon himself and now you. If he learns from this then problem solved for both him and the school.

i can understand why the phone is needed especially with todays tech etc, but when he knows its needed then reguardless of the schools holding policy, if the phone was not out then it couldent be confiscated to begin with ?

I wish I had invented it.

I'm on Mumsnet on a work computer! gasp

And don't judge others by your own low standards.

Ignore it op ! I saw your list of punishments and thought you were on track , I also saw the first comment saying you were harsh , you can't win on here sometimes 💐

Okay, so maybe "nobody needs a phone" is too much of a sweeping statement. I don't personally know anyone who "needs" one, though I know plenty of people who use them to do things that they could do via other means.

I don't think a teenager who goes to the gym, uses a bus and rides a bike is in the "need" category.

The whole point sure is not about whether he accepts CONSEQUENCES it is about whether depriving a child of borderline-essential private property for an unlimited time (unless the parent is willing and able to come in at massive inconvenience to her, even though she did nothing wrong) is a reasonable consequence, and I don;t think it is. Furthermore I believe it risks breeding anger and resentment which may well have the reverse affect than intended.

And this bullshit about jobs. No job that treats staff like schoolchildren is worth having. I had to wear a tie and jacket every day at school, now as a professional person I put on a suit about once a year (literally... jeans, trainers, hoodie the vast majority of the time). School said "no long hair" and yet nowadays you have male barristers with pony tails down to their waist and 15 rings in each ear (looks horrid IMHO, but that;s another matter!)

My OH is a teacher. I've seen my kids from babes thru to 6th form. I live in a village with a 1500 pupil rural comprehensive to which kids are bused in from all around.

I'm not saying phones in the class are not a damn nuisance. I'm not saying they shouldn't be confiscated. My point is that requiring a parent's attendance at the school is disproportionate.

@Bromptotoo I do agree with you re the need for the phones OUTSIDE school. It's inside that's the problem.

I work in a school and, as I said upthread, we have a 'you can keep your phone on you but it needs to be switched off and out of sight' (i.e. in bag or pocket).

I have, personally, caught kids on the phone to their mum asking if they can go to a friend's that night. We allow the kids to call home from the school office. Both they and their parents know that.

I've had kids ask if they can access their timetable on their phone, said no, I'll print one for you. Then get told 'but I just need to check if my friend/mum/neighbour has text me'. Well that changed fast from checking a timetable to checking for a text...still the answer is no.

The rule is phone off and out of sight in school times. Before and after school the kids can switch them on. It's really simple.

But we spend ages telling kids to put their phone away. The time wasted is ridiculous. And why do we do it? Because we and other schools have had an issue a few years ago with 'slappings' in the playground being filmed. Teachers having their photograph taken without permission. Ditto kids. Games being played on phones in lessons and parents texting instructions for after school - with all the resulting pings and bleeps. Distracting for the kids who want to learn. A safeguarding issue if it's encouraging bullying and sharing of photos etc.,

If kids didn't use their phones as 'playthings', only using them to research things in lessons or contacting parents AFTER school, then the rules wouldn't be needed to be honest. And I wouldn't have to waste my time telling kids to put phones away when they know exactly what the rules are.

Anyway

I've collected his phone (understanding workplace,
I've had a calm discussion with him and found out exactly what happened (I wasn't told why it had been confiscated in the call from school)
He's had an awful day at school (again) and has taken himself off to the gym to cheer himself off (weird)
The fact that this half term has been ridiculously long (even the teachers are fed up) probably hasn't helped the situation

Cheer himself up not off

It seems to me like your blaming the school though. and not directing blame to your son for putting you in this position.

What do you want the school to do? hand the phone back to your son so you don't have to leave work? fine. he learns nothing gets to go to the gym etc and you get to not be invconvienced? then next term he gets his phone out again and he has learnt nothing. Try being supportive of the school.

You do need a phone and the QR code on the app to get into Pure Gym, unless you memorise your PIN.