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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - neighbour fallout

227 replies

mrsclaus1984 · 20/12/2023 00:52

I really don’t think I’ve done anything wrong here, but it’s weighing on my mind a lot so here I am…!

Recently, a small business in our village held a charity raffle to win a fairly high-end beauty product (worth approx £300). I didn’t actually know about this raffle until my next door neighbour mentioned it to me - (I personally have never used this business before so did not see that they had been advertising the raffle on their social media as I don’t follow them.)

The prize was something that I would love to have anyway, and so I entered the raffle.

I was very surprised to receive a phone call a couple of days ago to be told that I had won it! I went in to collect it. They asked if I would mind having my photo taken with the prize, and for the photo to be posted on their social media, which I was fine about. I was really pleased, I never win anything and it truly made my day!

They were completely lovely to me when I went into collect it, that I may well start using this business regularly now.

Anyway - this is where it all went a bit wrong ..
the following day, I bumped into my neighbour whilst having just left the house to walk the dog. Before I could say anything to her, she said to me, ‘I see you are the winner of the raffle then’ in quite a cool tone.. I replied, and told her that yes, I was really pleased and very thankful ..

The conversation was very quick as it was raining and I didn’t want to hang around, and to be honest, I didn’t give it much more thought after this.

But… I was absolutely gobsmacked to get a knock on the door this evening, from my neighbour. As it happens, I was going to deliver her Christmas card tonight anyway, and so I had it on the table by our front door so when she opened the door I said hi and said something along the lines of ‘oh while you’re here, let me give you this’.. and proceeded to try to give her the card, but she replied with, “ yeah, you can keep it… You realise that, if it hadn’t been for me, you would never have even known about the raffle, right?”…. I was a bit taken back by this, and I told her that I was grateful she had let me know about it. To which she said to me that I should be giving HER the prize because she had told me about it in the first place….! I laughed because I actually thought she was joking… but no, she was being completely serious..!

She said that because she is a single mum, it would have been very useful to her because she would’ve just sold it, and made herself a couple of hundred pounds towards Christmas. She then proceeded to tell me that I’m being completely selfish by not giving her the prize. Before I could say anything, she turned around and walked off..

Literally can somebody help me out here .. I haven’t done anything wrong, have I?!

I do have a tendency to overthink things, but I actually don’t think I am BU here??

Idly wondering if I should gift her the item for Christmas, as honestly cannot stand the thought of having any issues with neighbours..

OP posts:
user1477391263 · 20/12/2023 03:42

mrsclaus1984 · 20/12/2023 01:35

I’m guessing that because she is a customer of this place (sorry, not meaning to drip feed) she feels she was more entitled to win than I was. God knows. It’s kind of upset me a bit, which is why I’m still here at 2 am…!

If she thinks that is how it works, she's wrong!

Small businesses do this kind of raffle in order to get new customers via the publicity generated, not as a thank-you to existing customers.

determinedtomakethiswork · 20/12/2023 03:42

She obviously absolutely nuts. She wouldn't of been able to sell them for anything like their retail price anyway.

Sholkedabemus · 20/12/2023 03:45

That’s really lovely for you. She is completely in the wrong here, she’s totally lost the plot.

LaurieStrode · 20/12/2023 03:54

AliceOlive · 20/12/2023 03:33

Why did she tell you about the raffle if she didn’t want you to participate!

Yeah, if she shows up again, ask her this.

DeeLusional · 20/12/2023 03:57

She's a nut job. I'd be keeping my distance from now on. Things like this are why I never get too pally with neighbours, Polite hellos over the sturdy fence.

DeeLusional · 20/12/2023 04:05

Stop being an apologetic wuss! If you carry on all night tying yourself in knots, by morning you'll be heading round to her house to hand over half your prize. She's a ridiculous entitled creep so just stop it.

FuckityFuckBollocks · 20/12/2023 04:10

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Erdinger · 20/12/2023 04:11

Just ignore her . She sounds crazy

DeeLusional · 20/12/2023 04:23

You're wrong, there are people like this. I once bet on the 50-1 winner of the Grand National. I had been having a bad time so it was a welcome boost. I excitedly told my then "best friend" about it and was stunned by her reaction, she was not all happy for me, she was just furious that I hadn't told her that I was going to back that horse so she could have bet on it as well (not that she would have). End of friendship. If folk aren't happy for your good fortune, you don't want them in your life.

newnamethanks · 20/12/2023 04:23

Sometimes you get a loopy neighbour like this one. No self-awareness, full sense of entitlement and frequently laughed at behind their back by a good 75% of people who come into contact with their self-importance. Avoid in future and don't engage. She will never forgive you and nurse a grievance forever. Two words for her, beginning and ending with F.

Nanaof1 · 20/12/2023 04:43

mrsclaus1984 · 20/12/2023 01:00

I mean, I hope that’s all it is! Prior to this, we’ve always got on fine. We’ve lived next door to each other for around a year now.
I just dread the thought of having neighbour issues 😭

There is no guarantee she would have won it if you hadn't entered. In fact, odds are she would not have won it. So, though you don't wish to have bad neighbor relations, you also cannot give in to unreasonable demands to keep the peace.

You won it fair and square and you should just enjoy it and not worry about the neighbor. She is being grabby and a CF.

Nanaof1 · 20/12/2023 04:55

mrsclaus1984 · 20/12/2023 01:35

I’m guessing that because she is a customer of this place (sorry, not meaning to drip feed) she feels she was more entitled to win than I was. God knows. It’s kind of upset me a bit, which is why I’m still here at 2 am…!

It's like when you almost never go to bingo, but your friend talks you into it and then you win a door prize and your "friend" says, "If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't have won and it might have been me." Then you win one of the games, which really puts her in the mood as "If you hadn't come, those papers would have been mine." (Of course, then she tells you she is just joking...uh-huh)

Not that it happened to me.....(crossing fingers)

Nanaof1 · 20/12/2023 05:02

mrsclaus1984 · 20/12/2023 02:23

Well she’s on her own money wise - I’m not - she’s mentioned previously to me that she’s having to do xmas on a tight budget this year. From what I can tell, this is her first xmas single. She clearly feels more entitled to it than me, presumably for those reasons. I’m sympathetic to a point - but on the flip side she’s been on holiday a few times this year (I know this as I’ve watered her garden for her while she was away!) . I don’t mean to sound horrible. I’m sorry if I do 🙁

You don't sound horrible at all. Now, your neighbor, on the other hand, sounds like a royal twat waffle.

Please don't dwell on this to the point where you don't enjoy your prize. She isn't the first one to try this ruse and she won't be the last. Hopefully, the last you will experience, though.

FloofCloud · 20/12/2023 05:11

Completely batshit! How does she assume she'd have won them, unless she bought the tickets immediately after you ... and even that's a stretch... oh I know... she's a batshit CF of the highest order! She's not called Meghan Markle by any chance is she 🤔

DarkForces · 20/12/2023 05:24

Just think of the time she's given you back as you'll no longer be watering her garden

tamade · 20/12/2023 05:37

She introduced you to the opportunity
You benefitted
She deserves a kickback

Most people grow out of this sort of childish logic by around the age of 12. She sounds very conniving and self centered. Probably best to keep your distance because she will probably hold a grudge too.

Obviously don't share with the CF

terraced · 20/12/2023 05:39

She's crackers!

tamade · 20/12/2023 05:39

If someone said to you "hey its a lotto rollover this weekend, oooh imagine, wouldn't it be nice" and you went out and bought a ticket would you owe them a payoff?

Flensburg · 20/12/2023 05:41

Hope you're not still awake worrying.
You haven't done anything wrong.
Congratulations on your prize - enjoy!

BarbaraWoodlouse1 · 20/12/2023 06:18

She sounds like a big baby! What a dick saying that to you. Leave her to it. Don’t discuss it with her anymore, she’s rude & bang out of order.

Hallmark1234 · 20/12/2023 06:41

Your neighbour is crazy to think she was entitled to the prize just because she suggested you enter the raffle!

Something else going on I think, to do with the way she views you. Please don't feel you need to offer her the prize, as it will open the way for her to use/abuse you in future.

I know she's made you feel uncomfortable, but whatever you do don't pander to her tantrum and try to appease her. Just remember she had no qualms about knocking on your door and having a go. Smile or wave if you see her, but do not try to apologise. She's a CF

Fivepigeons · 20/12/2023 06:42

She's a CF and absolutely unhinged. Just ignore her. Don't pander to it at all because if you do it will validate her nonsense and she will continue

WildFlowerBees · 20/12/2023 06:44

There's no guarantee she'd have won it, would she have done the same if it hadn't been you? This is sour grapes and I wouldn't let it dampen your happiness. Enjoy your prize and avoid the green eyed monster from now on. Entitled bugger!

Nazzywish · 20/12/2023 07:16

Absolutely do not give it to her what a awful person she is!
Take this chance to set that boundary straight and let he know you don't tolerate that bs ,otherwise tommorrow it'll be something else she takes issue with and expects you to accommodate no matter how unreasonable she is.

SequinsandSparkle · 20/12/2023 07:21

Wow what a sore loser! Do not under any circumstances give her the prize. What a cheeky cow! Grey rock from now on. Smile and wave, be polite. Let her get on with it. Unbelievable