This expectation is unrealistic - that no-one will ever speak in a way that makes someone uncomfortable.
I’m sorry, but every person in the workplace at some point has spoken using words or a tone which might not be welcomed by others. Or they have used a facial expression or body language to show exasperation. And OP, if you’ve been a nurse and worked in a school, you will have done it too.
It’s not right and it will impact some people more than others, but it is a common thing to happen. Sometimes children think they’ve been snapped at or spoken to roughly, and a teacher might have zero awareness of it or it can be a perception thing. Other times, they like all workers in all jobs might say they’ve had a bad day…and like workers in all jobs, might apologise to clients or colleagues for such words. Again, these things happen.
People generally move on from them. I nudneratnd some people will be more impacted than others. Parents usually move on from these things and see them in the broader context ….but I suppose some hang onto them and want to keep talking them over and over and over. Why is that? Is it that they’ve. Tonight. Else to talk about? That they just want to talk about something? Op I think you said you often post in AIBU to get traffic. Is this what this is about…..you simply want to talk and this happens to be the thing youVe posted and has generated a response?
There are things about it all that are odd. Firstly OP didn’t hear the teacher speak. The exact words and tone are unknown. The word ‘snap’ has been used multiple times, as well as ‘Bite her head off’ - difficult for OP or us to know exactly what the tone was. DD was upset. OP is adamant it was this and this only that set her off. Difficult to know. OP is certain she would never speak like this and talks about it being unacceptable - but people being short in their speech when dealing with someone else is pretty common and doesn’t usually generate 20 pages of discussion. And of course too, there is the point about OP saying she’s an autistic single mum to 2 autistic children too. I wonder if OP has considered if perhaps her view of events might be a little narrow or black and white and that crucially the situation and what happened and how people speak is more complex and nuanced than the way she is seeing this event.llwhich she didn’t actually see.
One thing I found odd is the HT involvement. HTs are busy people are rarely involved in day-to-day issues involving children and staff unless they are big big deals and escalated to them. HTs involvement in this particular incident seems unusual. Likewise, OP talks about HT and other staff as if she knows them all Persoanlly, how they are all regarded by other staff and children and about the running of the school as if she knows everything about it all….after 3 weeks! Again, strikes me as odd.
It would be fascinating to hear an account if happening. Scrim the teacher viewpoint or the HTs or those other staff who saw DD that day at various points. I wonder what info we would get that we don’t receive here.
And none of this is to say that what happened is right. But things that aren’t right happen all the time. Even with plans in place for ND children, in secondary schools which are busy places with over stretched resources, things happen. And if DD has been in schools for the last few years as OP says she has, this won’t be the first or last time these things happen. Is OP really upset by each of these incidents, so to take to MN and post for many many pages about them? Is the thread really about DD or OP?