To think it's such a shame that family bonds are being destroyed and going NC is becoming more and more common?

[PinotViogner]

Just that really. I might just be an old fart desperately yearning for the old days but I was raised to believe in the importance of having family around you and I find it horribly sad that so many people I know have family that haven't spoken to them for years.

Obviously in cases where some bad behavior has gone on it's understandable but surely there's nothing that can't be worked on? Going NC is so extreme and I think should be a last case resort if done at all.

suggesting that maybe switching to formula would be beneficial for baby and would take the stress away from dil (worth noting that dils insistence on breastfeeding caused the baby to end up underweight before she finally relented).

Someone who insinuates that a new mother has harmed her baby by trying her best to breastfeed is not just 'trying to be helpful'

And again you are minimising...

It is sad that people have been so bad towards their own flesh and blood that this is in some cases the best option.

No contact is generally a last resort.

I think it's worse that people have acted in a way that has made someone cut ties.

It's never a one off and often death by 1000 paper cuts and often multiple serious issues.

Children especially are not naturally wired to cut off parents. So if that has happened and someone has gone through that agony that comes with doing something so unnatural and painful, I generally assume the cut off person had more than enough opportunity to correct their behaviour.

I'm devastated I've had to cut my Mum off. But I'm also devastated about what she did to trigger that and the lifelong suffering she put me through.

I think the reason more people go NC now is because it is no longer so easy to go very very low contact like it used to be. In the past, you could just move away. If you went far enough, travel and long distance phone calls are too expensive so the only contact would be an occasional letter (with minimal info and emotional involvement). Job done. No recriminations because they "had to move for work".
Now you have to be more explicit about not communicating with family members who do you no good.

A rude/unpleasant or worse grandparent is not going to be a bonus in a child’s life? Why would they need someone like that in their world?

if a potential grandparent wants a good relationship with grandkids don’t be a dick. It’s not that hard to understand

Both DH and I are either low or no contact with our families. Abuse is never ok and expecting someone to put up with it “because family” is bullshit.

Also I strongly disagree with the notion that you should let your children have a relationship with wider family even if they’ve been abusive to you, the parent. Nope. No way no how. They’ve shown who they are, shown they’re untrustworthy and shown there is absolutely nothing stopping them from behaving the same way towards that child as they did to you.

I know of very few people in real life but seems to be everywhere on here.

If you have a lovely, kind supportive family you don't tend to need advice, seek therapy etc regarding their behaviour.

You will know people who are being abused in RL btw, 1in 4 women currently
They hide it because of awful, judgy Ops like this one.

This OP. Maybe try some compassion. This is not a good look

You have your friend's side of the situation. So it's not your place to say whether it's right or wrong.

I think it hugely depends on the circumstances and that blood is thicker than water applies to some cases and not to others

Interesting fact - the full phrase is that the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb. It means the opposite of what we think the phrase means - the bond between people we choose to be together is stronger than that the one we’re allocated via family.

@PinotViogner wish to god that King Charles would grow a pair of balls and go no contact with horrid harry and mad meg!!! they have behaved disgracefully!!!

I was just typing this! Lucky I checked.

I believe it was from war. They spilled blood together, they were bonded stronger in survival than just by family

Families have been NC since the beginning of time, it’s not a new phenomenon

1 in 5 children are abused, 90% of them by their parents. That's what's actually devastating to witness. That's what sends shivers down most people's spines.

You, however, are doubling down on being on the side of the abuser not the victim, which says an awful lot about you as a person. That you side with the parents doing the abuse not the children being abused.

I don’t speak to my brother, after decades of him being a horrible nasty bully to me. People have said ‘oh he’s changed, he’s grown up now’ but after forgiving him dozens of times and trying again, I’ve come to realise my life will be much better without him in it. So believe me I tried and tried, but he’s not worth keeping in my life at the expense of my happiness just because we share DNA. Fuck that tbh.

I mean, saying that NC rates have increased because of people suggesting it on MN is like saying that divorce rates have increased because of the prevalence of LTB.

Nobody goes NC just because one random person posted “ooh hun better go NC”, just as nobody calls a lawyer the moment their eyes pass over “LTB”.

It’s easy to give random strangers really drastic life advice - it doesn’t mean it’s taken up!

I'm sure any decent person would want to work on things before resorting to going NC, but unfortunately there are lots of NOT decent people in many families who just refuse to compromise or listen to reason.

In my case, it has to come from a willingness to 'work on' things from the other side. The other party has disowned us. There's nothing we can do. Its very hurtful but we have to get on with things regardless.

fitzwilliamdarcy
Thanks for that, didn’t know that was the phrase or real meaning!

If anything, we're sold the possibility of redemptive arcs all the time, with no idea of how often it happens in real life or the cost to others along the way even if it does happen, decades later.

Even when people do 12 step programmes, the amends step is one that seems to cause great differences of opinion. All too often, it's a mantra of an apology (if that) and nothing like an attempt to make amends.

I agree

If I'd had to put up with the toxic vitreol from my family instead of going NC, there's a very real chance that I wouldn't be here to type this

Walk a mile on someone else's shoes before coming out with tripe like this

Curiously, your OP (I didn't RTFT) doesn't mention abusive family members - emotional abuse - etc etc etc -, just the side where people go NC and not the reasons WHY they go NC

You probably know more than you think. It's not something people talk about unless they are very close to someone.