To think some romance scam victims are simply stupid?

[TheAverageJoanne]

At home today and have the TV on with For Love or Money about romance fraud. One victim is an international business development manager but gave £113000 to scammers, persuading her mother and sister to part with their savings

How far the love of Christ would you trust someone with a responsible job when they do this sort of thing and judgement flies out of the window?

I get there are people who are lonely and vulnerable but this one took me by total surprise. How could she have been so stupid? She received an email while waiting for him at the airport, showed it to airport staff who confirmed it was fake but still sent another £30000 to prevent airport staff at the other side from killing him. Jesus Christ.

Kimberleyclark yes indeed, all those retired orthopaedic surgeons and top brass military men. Are they really relying on a random woman believing that they sincerely want to be friends? I just block them but I wonder how their apparently comfortable lives would suddenly need an influx of cash.

It must be perfectly clear from my FB page that am happily married and matriarch of a large family.
Has anyone on here formed a relationship or even a friendship with any of these and how did it go?

Anyone can be conned. The type of con you’re vulnerable to will vary but fraudsters use human nature against you. You might be vulnerable because of greed like the examples user1497207191 gave or hope, like the fake Spanish lottery wins that required a payment to process your winnings. You might act out of fear when someone phones to say there have been fraudulent payments from your bank account. You might be kind and help up someone who’s fallen (while their partner lifts your wallet.)

When people have ‘invested’ a lot of money and ignored warnings from family and friends, It must be very difficult to admit that they’ve been conned. Lots of people here have called them stupid. Imagine having to face that you’ve been taken in like that.

I think a lot of the women who get scammed are very vulnerable and lonely. It’s not simply a case of them being ‘stupid’.

That said, yes there are some daft ones. I read about one woman who was scammed into handing over nearly £100k and lost the family home because of the debt she’d got them in to. She was married as well! But decided to ‘help out’ some dude she’d met on holiday who’d given her a sob story.

A fool and their money and what not.

70 year Sharon who’s met the love of her life 20 year old Ferdinand on her yearly 2 weeks in Turkey. She just can’t wait to bring him home but the nasty home office so instead she’s sending 90% of her pension to him every month while her children and grandchildren look on in horror as there is no reasoning with her.

This is well explained, it must be so hard to face up to what has happened. Those who go on TV to warn others are very brave I think.

I saw one who thought she was with Johnny Depp (apparently most targeted star by catfishers)
In the end she claimed it was JDs fault for not stopping the Catfishers.
I do think their is an element of narcism believing someone you have never met half your age will fall madly in love with you.
I dont have my picture on Linkedin, but i still have had the classic silver fox american soldier contact me. I have been married for 30 years

I once worked with a lovely elderly man who had an American "finance". Social services tried to intervene as the man had MH disorder but couldn't stop him from parting with his money. It's all very sad and I think there can be multiple reasons for people falling for this trap beyond just "being stupid".
ETA:
I can actually think of two more cases from my personal life too. An elderly woman I know who shipped her young Turkish husband over from her holiday. Haven't seen her for years as I moved out of the area but I always wondered how it turned out in the end.
And a young disabled woman meeting "the love of her live", a dodgy-looking bloke from Turkey who didn't speak any English. Ended up marrying him, converting to Islam and having a baby. I hope things are going well for her but something tells me it may not be.

Clearly, these people prey on vulnerabilities of others. But I can see how one might be tempted to help out. My partner fell on hard times last year with his business and needed to come up with a large sum of money. It took all my resolve not to dip into my savings and let him sort his own finances out.

I also think it’s loneliness and desperation to be with someone, to feel wanted. To feel special.

there was a woman on here recently, dating a younger guy from a poor country, giving him graphic design work, you could see what it was a mile away, but she was having none of it.

to some extent many of us have experienced it. Been on holiday to poor countries and locals hit on us. You know full well some 20 odd year old bloke isn’t interested, but it is flattering if you wish to believe it. And I can see why some choose to believe it. And then in extreme cases it goes too far. Complete mind boggling scams, or they marry them.

there are so many warnings out there. It’s no secret , but there will always be enough lonely desperate people that they fall for it. And they get in so deep they just can’t stop. Don’t want to believe it’s a con. Would rather throw the extra 30k than believe it.

I just block them but I wonder how their apparently comfortable lives would suddenly need an influx of cash.

It's always the same story though which if you were involved, you could easily google. The ones overseas have some sort of tax or customs problem, a fine to pay off, some sort of debt which has to be settled in Iraq/Syria before flying to Scunthorpe to spend the rest of their lives with the victim. The ones who say they are in Canada/US will have a medical bill to pay, either for them or more likely, a parent or child.

There are many vulnerable women out there, but I wouldn't be surprised if many on that TV programme are actors - the sole intention being to inform and educate others.
Last week when confronted by evidence one woman didnt even gasp, cry or put her hands to her mouth, shake or anything. She'd lost a six figure sum and was intending to hand over more. So yes, of course these things happen, but i think the programme in question employs actors in an educational role.

I was scammed like this 4 years ago. I posted a thread about it at the time because I felt such a fool and thought making a thread might just warn someone else. Also the embarrassment of writing it down made it more real.

It was a one off payment and it was tiny in the context of the big sums on this thread. But I've no doubt the scammers look for clues as to what you'd consider small, medium or big amounts of money. And it was enough that it would shock most people.

Im not thick generally, but I am impulsive and I found it very weird having spare money for what felt like the first time in my life, and I was recently bereaved of my husband and my dad. I was just vulnerable enough to be a fool.

My dad died after about a decade in the hands of classic 'dear Sir please allow me to become your business partner' overseas scammers. He died penniless and having extracted money from others to keep paying, despite anything we could say. In his last 3 weeks in hospital, his state pension accrued while he was an inpatient. Very oddly it was exactly that amount that the scammer I was in touch with went for.

There is also no "cost" to these people in messaging every single woman/man they come across. Free trial on a dating agency website, costs nothing to set up a social media profile. Then you and your scammy mates/colleagues spend all day cutting and pasting the same very generic "hi, you look nice, want to chat" message into the websites, knowing you will get maybe one or two responses, but that's all you need. You have no costs invested in your scam. Apparently the Philippines is taking over from Nigeria as the centre of most of these scams.

We all have our weaknesses.

The brain is a physical organ like all the others, judgement and emotions are physical processes - some of us aren't well served by what Nature gave us.

That said, we teach biology, reproduction, food & nutrition - I'm sure it would help a lot if judgement and negotiation were also taught in schools and there were educational series on TV covering the same material for adults.

Totally agree, but then complain about Troll hunters when the obvious is pointed out to them

It’s startling when someone who’s been scammed by one of those “arrested in Thailand, bank accounts frozen” deals recount the story and still talks as if the scammer is a real person who was really in Thailand etc.

Brave of so many people to go public with their stories though.

I like to think I’ve avoided scams/joining a cult/MLM schemes because I’m smart – but suspect it’s at least partly because I have no financial assets or worldly influence

The standard response from many posters @bruffin is "well I'd rather be scammed than think of triplets hungry without formula". Scammers know that people put their reservations to the side and wish to virtue signal to others on MN about how good and generous they are. They generally don't like people pointing out that the next person the scammer moves on to may be their 90 year old granny, or neighbour with learning difficulties.

I think "stupid" is cruel. Loneliness makes people desperate and easily manipulated.

AIBU to think that some romance scam victims are extremely vulnerable?

There, fixed it for you.

That's even worse😨

I think rich people are particularly easy to 'scam' .

They have an abundance of money and nothing left to spend it on, so they form a business relationship with a fantasy person who tells them what they want to hear. They know the chances of it being who they say they are or having true feelings are slim to nothing but its a transaction. They get to pretend, they also get to spend their money on someone, which a lot of people enjoy doing. Lots of people don't like having 'spare' money, they find it uncomfortable and have a need to shed it.

To coin a saying from Friends "they know that we know that they know that we know" (or something like that)

But they have to act stupid when cornered about it because the alternative is to admit they have a addiction problem in the same way an addict doesn't like to admit the money they've spunked on drugs/alcohol/gaming/food whatever it is, so to escape perceived accountability it becomes somebody else's fault.

Amazing!

"One UK victim, a former Somerset police officer, lost £107k to such a scam, believing she was investing in retirement apartments in Cyprus."

The 4 most convincing scams we’ve seen in 2023, so far - Which? News

I agree with those that say loneliness breeds a desperation for love and attention. However, people are often lonely for a reason.

A relative of mine was involved in a romance scam and it is true that they were very lonely.

There were reasons that they were lonely and not able to function in a normal relationship, due to childhood trauma, the relationships they had in their life they were generally abusive and controlling. They were very difficult to be around and viewed themselves in a fairly delusional way, including the fact they were always right and everyone else was out to get them/their money/take away the love of their life.

I heard similar but victim was man - was a podcast or radio program.

Entire extended family were taken in but they all wised up - one last minute emergency meaning scammer couldn't get on plan too many. You could hear family and interviewers frustration that this man was still believing and still ending money - by end of program he was sort of admitting to doubts - right at end the update was he'd had a complete mental break down and suicide attempt.

I do wonder how these people get sucked in - but I know my DGP nearly were in very old age and my DMum now has fears she will be - she screens calls and is very skeptical of all these groups - charities, companies and social services - that need her financial details to get mobility help for her and dad. I think it a worry about slowing down but also how impatient and skipping over important details many professions are with older people.

Then there are the men who go out to Thailand and complain they've been ripped off by women there.

Let's face it, if they weren't out there looking for women young enough to be their granddaughters, because they can't seem to find one woman in the whole of the UK to date, well I don't have much sympathy.

That's not loneliness, that's predatory behaviour backfiring on them.

I think the same about older women getting 20 year old guys from poor countries. It is predatory