To think some romance scam victims are simply stupid?

[TheAverageJoanne]

At home today and have the TV on with For Love or Money about romance fraud. One victim is an international business development manager but gave £113000 to scammers, persuading her mother and sister to part with their savings

How far the love of Christ would you trust someone with a responsible job when they do this sort of thing and judgement flies out of the window?

I get there are people who are lonely and vulnerable but this one took me by total surprise. How could she have been so stupid? She received an email while waiting for him at the airport, showed it to airport staff who confirmed it was fake but still sent another £30000 to prevent airport staff at the other side from killing him. Jesus Christ.

whats that got to do with anything? I think that of my dh, but if I was rinsing his bank account and he’d never even met me in the flesh I would think he might question it

It's usually vulnerable people who fall for scams. Vulnerable because of age or below average IQ. I think even the victims who present as being perfectly intelligent, must have something lacking in them. Their self esteem must be so low and that makes me feel sorry for them. It makes me wonder what kind of upbringing they had or whats happened to them in their lives. Of course my first instinct is to think how bloody stupid they've been to fall for it. But then, I can't help but want to know why they are like this. What makes a person of average intelligence, fall for romance scams?

Yes I regularly get fake friend requests - they are either widowed, high ranking US military men or widowed doctors or young handsome African men! They send it to thousands of women and even if only one responds it has worked.

Yes! I mean you wouldn't give a random person in the street your life savings so why give them to a random person you've never met

You said people were narcissistic for wanting to feel gorgeous and lovable. It works in my relationship. If something else floats your boat...

But we all know you were just taking a swipe at vulnerable people so you could feel superior. Do it better if you don't want it to get torn apart so easily.

Yes but you have clearly MET your DH in person and have a conventional relationship.

We are talking about people who have been contacted on social media or a dating site by someone who either lives overseas or works overseas, who they have NEVER met in person, and who they have only ever messaged or talked to on the phone. Who is saying they are in love, want to be together, move in together, plan a whole future together, but can you just send me £10k first to deal with this tax issue?

The woman on today set up a go fund me page and raised £585.

It's even more fascinating because it is talked about. It IS really talked about. If it weren't, fine, yeah, somehow.

Sometimes I do feel sorry for obviously very vulnerable person, but often you just can't really. I remember seeing somewhere that someone tried to reclaim money from bank since they allowed the tranfers. Take responsibility fgs. Not like banks don't have warnings when doing transfers. Even my friend's account flagged to me with extra warning🤷 (still don't know why)

I actually can understand this in a way, he was conditioned for this by society all his life but the manager OP mentioned in the post is insane.

Really @ValerieVomit ? Go fund me and save me from my own utter stupidity?

I do feel sorry for the guys (and women, to a lesser extent) who have their pictures taken and used by the scammers. The story on today's show from the older model man who had a scammed woman turn up on his doorstep and threaten him was chilling.

I don't think it could happen to anyone either but That's not saying it's the victims fault as the scammers target vulnerable people and some scams are very sophisticated

Victim blaming at its finest..

I wish women would raise their standards and realise they can enjoy life without a man.

As a general point, I agree. When you’re talking about romance scams, I think they’re about more than just ‘a man’ (or woman). They’re about being needed and wanted and not in a, “Where’s my blue shirt? I need it for tomorrow” way. It’s fairytale, romantic, idealised love.

I don't like this victim-blaming attitude.

For whatever reason these victims are vulnerable to these scams. Calling people stupid just others them and somehow blames them. The way people are so alone at times does make them vulnerable to exploitation.

The criminals are persistent, clever, targeted and remorseless. They take their time and reel people in.

@Fionaville

It's usually vulnerable people who fall for scams. Vulnerable because of age or below average IQ.

You're missing out sheer greed. Several of my clients, including a dentist and a couple of very successful businessmen (multi millionaires) were scammed, not a romantic scam, but purely financial. They weren't vulnerable or low IQ, they were greedy. One was long before internet scams - the good old fashioned Nigerian Prince scam - he lost tens of thousands which was a huge amount back in the 80s! The other two were internet scams, one being the classic boiler room fraud of being suckered in to buy worthless shares and then keep buying more and more to chase their losses, eventually losing about quarter of a million. None of these people "needed" the extra money they hoped to gain, they were well off already, they were "normal", normal jobs, normal married/home lives, etc. Like I said, just pure greed, plain and simple!

Some scams are indeed very sophisticated. These ones that the OP is talking about are not.

Every day on here, we have women who have somehow been parted from their money by some absolute dickhead wastrel, but as it's happened in a real life relationship over a number of years, it's generally viewed sympathetically (rightly). Because it's not a scam, or at least not an illegal, official one.

Of course you don't just suddenly pony up a ton of money when you're secure and happy and some random with a stolen picture sends a begging message. Very few romance scams work that way. If you're in a vulnerable position, not very secure in yourself and someone makes you feel a way you didn't before, then after a while, it's not hard to see how someone might persuade you to give them money. We've all experienced heartbreak - it's not really that difficult to see why someone would pay to put it off. Stupid? Of course! Utterly inexplicable and a sign of a person who must be always inherently dim or narcissistic or whatever? Of course not.

People who truly can't understand how it works aren't showing themselves to be clever. Quite the opposite.

I can’t get my head round it either.
My friends DF was scammed in this way, a professional guy who worked as a railway engineer for years , he did not have learning disabilities or anything like that, he was scammed out of his pension lump sum even though my friend and her siblings told him it was a scam, don’t send money etc, he refused to listen and said they just didn’t want to see him happy.
His bank account ended up getting frozen as the bank were suspicious of the large payment being sent abroad.
As far as I know he still believes this “woman” exists and everyone is just jealous… it’s mind blowing.

Sometimes it is victim's own doing. It's not like they were:
-not warned (it's well known AND many were actually warned)
-physically forced under duress

They chose to do it. It's like I can't feel much empathy for someone living in high crime area, leaving door open and then moaning they were burglared. Or not putting seatbelt on etc. We have much protections nowadays available, including scams.

Yes, the criminals are the main to be blamed, but the victims often really, really don't help themselves and sympathy doesn't go as far as with someone who was robbed with knife armed twat on a street.

@CoatOfArms Yes it's a harrowing read. Her facebook page however shows she is living in a new build detached house she moved into recently so she seems to have got herself sorted out quickly enough.

I often thank my lucky stars that I'm 'all good' with being alone. I don't mind my own company and I certainly don't need a man to make my life complete. I'm very rarely lonely and, if I am, I have my family and a few friends.

I feel SO sorry for people who are on their own, but hate it. Lots of people need human interaction and there's nothing wrong with that. Feeling desperately lonely is almost a physical pain, craving human attention and human touch and not being able to get it. I have a lot of compassion for these people and can see just how easily they could be taken in by scammers.

I think people are blurring the distinction between low intelligence (which does indeed make someone easier to con) and someone of normal intelligence making a bad decision. Eg poster above- "Go fund me and save me from my own utter stupidity?" - presumably isn't trying to suggest that someone with low intelligence deserves what they get- I hope not anyway.

I don’t think anyone has mentioned on here that anyone can be “hooked” into love and it is usually a while before any money is asked for, by which time the person is in love and has started to trust whatever the partner is saying. It also starts with small amounts of money being requested for not unreasonable reasons. I was amazed that on “The Tinder Swindler” how fast women jumped onto private jets on a first date just because they thought the guy had money so he was trusted 😟

The woman on this programme had a visit from the police, at the request of Santander bank and lied to them and still sent more money.

The amount of red flags was unbelievable

No - but it's a bit much to accept that you have been conned out of £131k by a scammer and then set up a "go fund me" and expect others to bail you out.