Page 3 | To think some romance scam victims are simply stupid?

TheAverageJoanne · 2023-12-19T10:38:22+00:00

At home today and have the TV on with For Love or Money about romance fraud. One victim is an international business development manager but gave £113000 to scammers, persuading her mother and sister to part with their savings How far the love of Christ would you trust someone with a responsible job when they do this sort of thing and judgement flies out of the window? I get there are people who are lonely and vulnerable but this one took me by total surprise. How could she have been so stupid? She received an email while waiting for him at the airport, showed it to airport staff who confirmed it was fake but still sent another £30000 to prevent airport staff at the other side from killing him. Jesus Christ.

Toddlerteaplease · 19/12/2023 11:23

Yes, there was one who sold her house and moved into a caravan as she'd given the person all her money. She then met someone else, and could see the interviewer just wanted to shake her!

Toddlerteaplease · 19/12/2023 11:25

gano · 19/12/2023 11:00

Completely agree. I always feel like such a bitch when I watch stuff like this. Everyone always sounds so sympathetic, and i'm thinking how can they be so thick.

Spot on.

SutWytTi · 19/12/2023 11:26

LightToTheWorld · 19/12/2023 11:22

I think people are blurring the distinction between low intelligence (which does indeed make someone easier to con) and someone of normal intelligence making a bad decision. Eg poster above- "Go fund me and save me from my own utter stupidity?" - presumably isn't trying to suggest that someone with low intelligence deserves what they get- I hope not anyway.

Assuming low intelligence is the only thing that makes someone vulnerable is very naive I think.

These scammers are very cynical and targeted. People can be vulnerable in many ways, many of them emotional.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 19/12/2023 11:27

The presenters always say things like "it could happen to anyone" but it really couldn't."

I know. And the more times they say it, the more you think "No, seriously. Come on."

There's a podcast called Sweet Bobby where a woman was catfished for years and years, and the presenter kept saying "This could happen to any one of us" and really, it could not. At all.

It is different if elderly people are tricked by technology they don't understand in banking scams - I genuinely think the risks of that are huge. But romance scams? Not really.

CoatOfArms · 19/12/2023 11:27

There is also very little hope that the scammers will ever be caught as very very few are based in the UK. Authorities overseas are even more stretched than they are here. As someone else posted, if you send a message to 10,000 women and just get one or two responses that's good enough. I also doubt that these scams are a single person, it's probably far more organised with a smaller group of people managing all the messaging, the one with the best English does the phonecalls to everyone. They must have big spreadsheets with all the names of the victims and the story they've told each one.

Butchyrestingface · 19/12/2023 11:27

Posters in Scotland may remember the case from about ten years ago where an entire family were subject to an extremely complex and sustained romance/extortion scam by a 30 something woman. This resulted in the deaths of the victim's mother and sister.

The perp was obviously not charged with causing their deaths, although it was plain as day they did it because of her lies and threats. She got a derisory sentence for her crimes, but on the bright side died in jail. I always think of that case and try not to judge scam victims too harshly when I hear of some tale where, on the face of it, it seems like the victims checked their brains out at the door.

CoatOfArms · 19/12/2023 11:29

@TheYearOfSmallThings I listed to the Sweet Bobby podcast - jaw dropping. I can't recall all the details but I'm sure the victim was warned several times by family members who raised concerns but Bobby had an answer for everything - and was video calling her, if I remember.

MammaTo · 19/12/2023 11:29

I worked in a branch of a high street bank for many years and the stories people would come in with were jaw dropping.
We’d have to tell them it’s a romance scam and it’s not real etc, we’d tell them we have to leave notes on their accounts to say we’ve told them the dangers and they’re willingly sending them the money - but nope people still insisted on sending it to strangers from the internet.

Chilicabbage · 19/12/2023 11:30

CoatOfArms · 19/12/2023 11:27

There is also very little hope that the scammers will ever be caught as very very few are based in the UK. Authorities overseas are even more stretched than they are here. As someone else posted, if you send a message to 10,000 women and just get one or two responses that's good enough. I also doubt that these scams are a single person, it's probably far more organised with a smaller group of people managing all the messaging, the one with the best English does the phonecalls to everyone. They must have big spreadsheets with all the names of the victims and the story they've told each one.

I agree. Like the microsoft scam. It's call centres set up, nkt some rando at home.

moomoomoo27 · 19/12/2023 11:31

they are groomed. same strategy is used to create terrorists.

may as well say, how do people end up in abusive relationships or similar. because losing your money is still better than losing an eye or getting brain damage from being beaten, but you wouldn't call someone who got into an abusive relationship stupid.

they pick people who are vulnerable and susceptible to groom. in the same way you might do some gambling or have a drink now and again without a problem but some people are wired to be addicted and there is something there to facilitate that.

NonPlayerCharacter · 19/12/2023 11:31

CoatOfArms · 19/12/2023 11:23

No - but it's a bit much to accept that you have been conned out of £131k by a scammer and then set up a "go fund me" and expect others to bail you out.

Nobody has to give if they don't want to. If you enjoyed the content she provided about the experience, nothing wrong with giving a bit to help her out of the mess now that she's entertained you with it.

Finteq · 19/12/2023 11:32

I'm always surprised by the amounts they get scammed by.

How can someone so easily scammed have 100k just sitting in the bank?

Panama2 · 19/12/2023 11:32

I have had a friend request from Johnny Depp, yes really Johnny Depp......

I don't think so

LemonTT · 19/12/2023 11:33

People generally take others at face value. A good proportion of people want to help others, financially and emotionally. There are some who over share and get over involved in other people’s lives because they have a need to help, white knight syndrome.

I see that day in and day out on MN. People get sucked in by obvious scammers and fantasists. Most quickly see the flowery tale of woe doesn’t make sense and exit or stay around to see how far the troll takes it.

But there are plenty of people who not only get suckered in but fall over themselves to solve the problem or add to the story. They simply have no boundaries and don’t get that people make up all sorts of nonsense on SM. Once you go down this rabbit hole it’s only a matter of time before you meet someone doing it professionally.

This is why I hate trolls and I do think they should be called out asap. Not that I do on here but sometimes, it’s a case of “come on,,,”.

CoatOfArms · 19/12/2023 11:33

I have to say as well that you see it on here all the time. How often do MN have to post the warning about never sending money to randomers online? But all it takes is for a new poster to pop up saying they are down to their last 50p, the gas meter is running out and they have no formula for the triplets and posters are falling over themselves to offer money and shopping deliveries.

The money involved in romance scamming is usually more but it's the same basic premise.

I mean, it's very basic really. Never send money to anyone you have not met in person and know and trust. No exceptions.

BethDuttonsTwin · 19/12/2023 11:33

I think it’s more that infatuation brings huge dopamine rushes which I think some people become addicted to. Many have been so lonely for so long and they know deep down it isn’t real but cannot let go of the attention and “Pretend Love”. As the infatuation wears off they come to their senses and that’s when you see them on TV talking about having been conned. I think most of them know fine well what’s happening but they push it away because the whole thing feels so good.

CaroleSinger · 19/12/2023 11:35

I've never understood it either but I don't think it's a simple as handing over £113,000 in one hit. It starts when the person they think they are in a relationship with suddenly needing a modest amount for a family emergency, and accumulates as the 'relationship' develops. It's a slow drip of reeling people in with highly plausible reasons they need to borrow more money with equally plausible excuses about how they are going to get the money back. It reaches a point where the victim is so invested in the story that they won't listen and can't accept it may all be a scam and the money has gone. Personally I would never fall for it but people don't realise they are being exploited til it is too late.

GilesRupert · 19/12/2023 11:36

Very well summarised.

Edit - oops meant to quote NonPlayerCharacter's post on page 1.

Chilicabbage · 19/12/2023 11:36

I see that day in and day out on MN. People get sucked in by obvious scammers and fantasists. Most quickly see the flowery tale of woe doesn’t make sense and exit or stay around to see how far the troll takes it.

MN should start publishing how much were posters willing to send and how many posters (no names obviously). I think that would open people's eyes a bit. Everyone here thinks they are the only ones lffering afiver. Nope. Because it wouldn't be worth it!

Adding: on the other hand the sums I believe this would show could encourage more scammers

TheYearOfSmallThings · 19/12/2023 11:36

CoatOfArms · 19/12/2023 11:29

@TheYearOfSmallThings I listed to the Sweet Bobby podcast - jaw dropping. I can't recall all the details but I'm sure the victim was warned several times by family members who raised concerns but Bobby had an answer for everything - and was video calling her, if I remember.

Well they gave that impression but the reality was that he was not video calling her, because "he" was in fact her very odd female cousin.

The whole thing was ridiculous, and the podcast would have been much better if they unpicked what was really going on with the victim, and why she chose to dedicate years of her life to pursuing a relationship with a man who she couldn't meet or speak to.

cheezncrackers · 19/12/2023 11:37

There is no fool like an old fool.

Baconking · 19/12/2023 11:37

Finteq · 19/12/2023 11:32

I'm always surprised by the amounts they get scammed by.

How can someone so easily scammed have 100k just sitting in the bank?

The woman on today's programme didn't have it.
She got loans, overdrafts, credit cards, her sister got a loan, sold her car...

yossell · 19/12/2023 11:37

Instead of mocking these people or remarking on their 'stupidity', why not reflect on of how seriously loneliness affects people that they give up so much in the hope of once again being with someone.

ManateeFair · 19/12/2023 11:39

Yes, pretty much all of them are quite stupid and extremely naive. But that doesn't mean it's any less awful that they're taken advantage of and it doesn't make it OK to victim-blame them. Being gullible doesn't mean you deserve to be exploited.

DeeLusional · 19/12/2023 11:39

And the banks have to give many of them back their money, despite these suckers having clicked the "Yes I have read the warning about scams" box. I don't often feel sorry for banks, but......