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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want to keep my DC away from their cousin

107 replies

bigbumhole · 15/03/2008 14:51

because the language is foul and im worried it'll brush off on my DC (24 months old) and 6 weeks old (not a problem yet!).

He says the most horrid words that makes my skin crawl. He is 23 month old most recent phrases are.....

"fuck off idiot"
"you're a bastard"
"i hate you prick"
"fuck off, MINE!"
....i could go on but i'll spare you.

There's 3 weeks between my DC and him. We've spoken to the parents but they seem to think it's not that much of a problem and their response is often "we've been trying to stop the bad language but what can you do eh? Kids nower days, who'd have em?" in a light hearted, almost giggly, manner.

The language makes me sick, and it leaves me heartbroken almost to hear such foulness coming out of such a young child. I would be truley horrified if my DC started using such filth.

We see them every Saturday morning up MILs so we cant really avoid them as Saturday morning is the only time MIL is free to see her grandchildren.

Sorry not sure what i'm after but im just so upset and feel like im stuck in a hole.

OP posts:

Bouncingturtle · 15/03/2008 15:06

That is extremely vile
The parents have a LOT to answer for IMO.
But not fair on your MIL to deny her access to all her gcs because one is a problem. What does she think of it? Has she tried to correct his language?

Original poster

bigbumhole · 15/03/2008 15:10

Thats why I'm torn, because if we stop going there then its poor mil who'll suffer the most.

MIL is far from impressed (as you can imagine) but doesn't feel that its her place to intervene, which i can totally understand.

OP posts:

allgonebellyup · 15/03/2008 15:12

he is 23 months old???????????????????????/

Carnival · 15/03/2008 15:13

I wouldn't let my DD go.

Where did the kid hear all that stuff? Kids tend to repeat what they hear most, is it the parents?

WanderingTrolley · 15/03/2008 15:18

That's hideous.

Invite MIL to your house and don't invite the cousins.

WallOfSilence · 15/03/2008 15:19

How do the parents deal with it?

If they ignore it & he gets no attention he will stop.

If they do a sharp intake of breath & a hand over their mouth type of reaction he will keep doing it to get a reaction!

Original poster

bigbumhole · 15/03/2008 15:22

allgonebellyup - yes he is 23 months old, there's 3 weeks between him and DC.

Carnival, i can only assume its the parents

WanderingTrolley, thanks for the tip, i will ask her and see what she thinks.

OP posts:

wooga · 15/03/2008 15:24

Original poster

bigbumhole · 15/03/2008 15:24

WallOfSilence - we posted at the same time sorry. They just sort of roll their eyes at him and say "stop it!" I think its a case of monkey see monkey do a bit. I'm just praying its a phase and it'll pass.

After being there this morning, i just feel so down about it all.

OP posts:

PellMell · 15/03/2008 15:26

This may be completely unfair but I can't get past your nickname and have any sympathy.

AdelaideJo · 15/03/2008 15:31

Thats just disgusting (the language) and is completely indicative of the pathetic state of childhood and growing up in this country nowadays.

I'm so livid that your child has to listen to that, and that the obviously very very thick parents think it is something to roll their eyes about.

I would tell your MIL you've gone as far as you can with hearing those words now, and that you will not be returning until something is done about it. Maybe co-ordinate yours and the cousins visits?

FranSanDisco · 15/03/2008 15:36

I'm thinking the same as Pellmell. I wouldn't want my children near your nephew either.

FranSanDisco · 15/03/2008 15:40

How is it indicative of childhood in this country? Not all children use bad language. In fact I know only 1 or 2 who use this language at dd's school. I work in a pre-school with under 5's and over the years have again known one or two to say fuck and that's it.

themoon66 · 15/03/2008 15:44

I would suspect that someone has actually gone to the effort of teaching this poor child to use such awful language. I knew a couple who did that, just for a 'laugh'. Poor child was an outcast when he went to school and was unable to communicate without swearing.

SofiaAmes · 15/03/2008 15:44

Is saturday REALLY the only day MIL can make time to see her grandchildren. Surely another day could be arranged. Or maybe you need to call the bluff and force her to find another time. How about dinner one evening during the week. I would certainly not want my children around any child using that kind of language. It is absolutely controllable by the parents and in my opinion if they are not controlling it, then it is indicative of other problems inthe household that will also manifest themselves inthe child's behavior. I would keep your dc's away.

hercules1 · 15/03/2008 15:47

I agree with the other posters. Seems a bit of a strange thread considering your name.

I wouldn't let my kids near your nephew or his parents either.

davidtennantsmistress · 15/03/2008 15:48

nope wouldn't want my son near his cousins doing that - he's prob hearing it at home - might be worth suggesting to parents they moderate their language around them.

at best all you can do is ignore any language your child might come out with like that - (my father has managed to teach DS 'bugger' or at least DS has picked it up from hearing him say it all the time) but after telling DS no once then ignoring it after that, & dad stopping saying it, touch wood DS hasn't said it since.

rookiemater · 15/03/2008 15:51

That is absolutely shocking that their child is using that language. Poor wee mite must be hearing it all the time, which shows that the state of their relationship can't be that great either.

On an unrelated point I'm impressed at his language skills, DS is almost 2 and only has about 10 words to his name, still at least they aren't swear words.

YANBU keep your child well away, although I feel so sorry for that little boy.

davidtennantsmistress · 15/03/2008 15:53

rookie - was just thinking the same and my DS has some good vocab I think - is able to do 2 words together.

rookiemater · 15/03/2008 16:02

Yes I think its a bit like themoon66 says, someone has clearly gone to a lot of trouble to teach the child these words, or he hears them an awful lot.

duchesse · 15/03/2008 16:08

I agree with Pellmell and Fransan about your nickname. It often seems inappropriate to me, particularly on really non-jokey boards. Sorry.

seeker · 15/03/2008 16:14

5 do have to say that I don't think I can make any helpful suggestions on here because of your nickname - sorry if that's precious of me, but it's true.

Mrspanic · 15/03/2008 16:37

my eldest ds when aged about 2.5 picked up some choice language from some scaffolders working on our house. we came down on it very heavily - in a way appropriate to a 2yo - and within a week the problem was solved. I'm sure this child's parents could deal with it if they really wanted; perhaps they're very childish and enjoy hearing their toddler innocently spouting such vile language ?

Original poster

bigbumhole · 15/03/2008 16:47

Oh i'm sorry i didn't realize that you judge someone so much on a user name. How sad.

It's a silly internet chat room name. God sake get over it If you can't offer advice or look beyond a name then that shows how shallow and judgmental some of you are

Thank you everyone else for your support.

OP posts:

hercules1 · 15/03/2008 16:55

It's what you are complaining about more than anything else. It's pretty ironic.

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