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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to keep my DC away from their cousin

107 replies

bigbumhole · 15/03/2008 14:51

because the language is foul and im worried it'll brush off on my DC (24 months old) and 6 weeks old (not a problem yet!).

He says the most horrid words that makes my skin crawl. He is 23 month old most recent phrases are.....

"fuck off idiot"
"you're a bastard"
"i hate you prick"
"fuck off, MINE!"
....i could go on but i'll spare you.

There's 3 weeks between my DC and him. We've spoken to the parents but they seem to think it's not that much of a problem and their response is often "we've been trying to stop the bad language but what can you do eh? Kids nower days, who'd have em?" in a light hearted, almost giggly, manner.

The language makes me sick, and it leaves me heartbroken almost to hear such foulness coming out of such a young child. I would be truley horrified if my DC started using such filth.

We see them every Saturday morning up MILs so we cant really avoid them as Saturday morning is the only time MIL is free to see her grandchildren.

Sorry not sure what i'm after but im just so upset and feel like im stuck in a hole.

OP posts:
seeker · 15/03/2008 16:59

Hang on, aren't you complaining about other people using bad language - and wanting to keep away from them? Well, I feel the same. How am I more shallow and judgemental than you are?

TurkeyLurkey · 15/03/2008 16:59

Hi bigbumhole! Agree about asking MIL to yours on a Sat PM or something (or for tea on a Sat). I'd be tempted to be honest if the parents ask why you've stopped going too. If they allow a child to use that language they'll have to suffer the consequences.

Miggsie · 15/03/2008 17:00

They are going to be up a certain creek if they try to put him in a nursery with langage like that!

bigcreamcakewithacherryontop · 15/03/2008 17:01

My user name is not swearing. I don't allow my children to read internet chat rooms and I certainly don't swear in front of them.

What i do or say on here is totally irrelevant to how i raise my children.

I've changed my user name and i apologies for causing such horrific and awful offense to those sensitive readers out there by my most vile and foul mouthed username.

Maybe now you can look beyond a name.

ALMummy · 15/03/2008 17:02

Oh PUHLEEEEEESE! Who cares what the OP's nickname is. Her problems are no less valid because you dont like her nickname. I shouldnt think for a moment that she refers to herself as BigBumHole in RL. Hercules do you mean to suggest that you find it difficult to understand why she would have a problem with offensive language around her kids just because she calls herself this nickname. Oh Lordy lord.

TurkeyLurkey · 15/03/2008 17:04

Who do you think he gets the language off Bigbumhole? Has he got older brothers/sisters?

bigcreamcakewithacherryontop · 15/03/2008 17:05

seeker - I am not judgmental at all. If someone on here asks a genuine question i answer it if i can, i don't look at the user name first then decide if i will answer or not going on how much i like or dislike the name.

My question was what shall i do regarding bad language being spoken around my DC. Not once did i say "I think they are bad people for having children like that" or judging them for it. I would never dream of saying "well im not going to help you because your child uses bad language" which is exactly what some people have done on here.

bigcreamcakewithacherryontop · 15/03/2008 17:06

ALMummy - THANK YOU!!!!

TurkeyLurkey · 15/03/2008 17:08

I think you should carry on being a bigbumhole and not bow to pressure! Your name made me smirk in a naughty 7 year old type way.

bigcreamcakewithacherryontop · 15/03/2008 17:11

TurkeyLurkey - he is an only child. They are film buffs so it's possible that he gets it from the TV i guess.

Saying that i funnily enough don't want to go on about it anymore. I'm scared of getting hung up and gutted with this lot.

Thanks everyone for your help, i appreciate it and i personally look at this case as being closed.

Original poster
bigbumhole · 15/03/2008 17:13

TurkeyLurkey - to hell with it, you're right!!

OP posts:
TurkeyLurkey · 15/03/2008 17:13

Well that's a shame. Please don't let it put you off posting in the future.

ALMummy · 15/03/2008 17:14

Change your name back at once! It made me snigger when I saw it .

TurkeyLurkey · 15/03/2008 17:14

Hurray!!

Original poster
bigbumhole · 15/03/2008 17:14

Thank you for your kind words, it means a lot (really)

OP posts:
MrsMattie · 15/03/2008 17:15

My cousin has a little boy who uses this sort of language. My cousin must be a complete thick head not to see that heir boy swears like that because he and his wife swear like troopers all the time around him and at him, in fact. Pigs. They live in another country, so the influence on my son isn't an issue, but I think I would want to limit the time my son spent around my cousin's entire family if we lived nearby. Anyone who thinks it's appropriate for a 4 yr old to use the word 'cunt' regularly is beyond barmy.

Janni · 15/03/2008 17:21

You caould say something like 'I'm sorry, this is embarrassing and hard for me to say, but I don't want (your son's name) to pick up language like that, so until it stops the children won't be able to see each other any more'

You'll be doing them a favour in the long run because if he carries on he won't have any friends at nursery etc It mgith make his parents think again about how they speak in front of him.

Divastrop · 15/03/2008 17:30

i am impressed at a 23 month old's ability to put sentences together like that.its a shame they are all swear words though.i do think its unreasonable to keep your dc away from their cousin over something that isnt his fault though.they are only words,after all.

have you not said anything to his parents?ie,asked them where he picked the language up?it might embarrass them into toning down their language a bit.(if he is getting it from them,but if it is films then he shouldnt really be watching 18s anyway)

AbbeyA · 15/03/2008 17:36

The parents of the DC must use that language around him for him to pick it up, at that age my DSs wouldn't have had the words in their vocabulary.You have to be very firm and let the parents know that you find it unacceptable and if they won't stop him then I would avoid the contact.(It does mean that they have to lead by example and not use it themselves).

hercules1 · 15/03/2008 17:55

Sigh, yet again just because the irony was pointed out of you and seeker also explained apparently we are over sensitive and find your name vile.

ALMummy · 15/03/2008 18:07

You sound like a right old Judgey Pants Hercules.

hercules1 · 15/03/2008 18:12

I think it's hard not to be a tad judgemental about the name posters choose at times. So, guilty.

hercules1 · 15/03/2008 18:14

whispers - there have been lots of threads in the past about posters who use the word mum or mummy in their name. Disclaimer I have never contributed to them (I dont think) but people do get judged sometimes. (shuffles her large judgey pants around)

niceglasses · 15/03/2008 18:16

Wow, so broad minded!

ALMummy · 15/03/2008 18:22

Oooohhhhh Hercules! - being judgemental not your only unpleasant trait then?