But embarrassing for me, but was DH wrong too?

[Suze889]

Work night out recently. I got completely hammered on red wine; I must say now and I do mean this, this is really unlike me but it happened so have to to tell the truth. Work colleagues were also drunk but luckily female colleague’s husband was on hand to take us back to hers. I love about 45 minutes away and was supposed to be getting the train home but was not capable of this. I know the shame. This is where it gets weird. Colleague and her husband called my husband from my phone. I was incapable of speaking to him and was lying on sofa. My husband was completely unperturbed by the whole thing, refused to come and pick me up, (it was only nine o’clock) and pretty much left me at my colleagues so I had to stay the night and THEY had to drive me home the next day. So embarrassing. My colleagues were also a bit drunk And outraged at my husband’s behaviour and when he refused to come and pick me up. They called back to discover he had turned his phone off! Now I was completely oblivious to all this happening but now I just feel so little and small. If the shoe had been on the other foot, I would have collected him, I have done similar before. My colleagues all think he’s a dick but are being polite and I am mortified on all fronts.

Agree. In their place, I would have put you in a cab and let your husband and you deal with it. Own your behaviour.

If this was the other way around the responses would mostly be to leave the drunken bastard there and let him make his way home in the morning.

Oh 100% but he wouldn’t expect me ‘get him out of it’ he’s a grown up.

Well, 84% of people actually!

You've married a doughnut unfortunately

My DH would absolutely have come to get me - without hesitation. And he'd have been incredibly gracious about it too, would have laughed at me a bit the next day but would have said it was no big deal. If the positions were reversed I'd be WAY more grumpy than him but I would absolutely go pick him up.

I find the idea that you wouldn't really bizarre - it's not even like you were at a friend's house...

Had your DH had a drink or two at home while you were out, you were out having fun so he had a couple of beers? And didn't feel fit to pick you up he was expecting you to make your own way home.

They had to take her back because they didn't want her there. They were expecting gratitude & sympathy for doing something 'nice' & instead were facing a night of somebody they didn't like/want on their sofa, having to feed/offer coffee & wait for her to presentable enough to catch a train - far more relieving to spend a night trying to start a fight with her spouse & faster to just put her in the car & slag her husband off on the back home.

OP I honestly think your embarrassment is misplaced here & if this doesn't happen often (which I can fully believe) you need a agreement about what to do in an emergency & its not too late to make one once you both calm down.

Let it blow over

Or we just have different expectations for ourselves or experiences. I know some people think getting drunk is all part of the fun. I just can't relate to that mindset. I've never been drunk and, in my long marriage, never had to pick up a drunk DH because he's never got drunk.

I’m surprised by these answers. I always judge it by what I would honestly do. And honestly. If it was my husband wankered to thr extent he couldn’t talk and wasn’t even aware of what was going on around him,. I’d leave him there. 100 percent. I’d leave him there and I’d want him to deal with it the next morning. The embarrassment of it, and that he put his colleagues out.

no way would I do a 90 min round trip at night to go and get him if he was that drunk.

Guarantee if it was reversed and a woman posted her husband was off his tits on a colleagues sofa should she drive 90 mins round trip to go get him, the responses would be 84 percent fuck no.

OP honestly I cannot fathom this situation. I can't imagine anyone asking my husband for help and him saying no. But especially I can't imagine him refusing to help me in this way. Yes you got drunk and that's not ideal. But it was a mistake. You are human. It happens. Someone who loves you and has pledged to love you for better or for worse absolutely owes you more than this. Where is the care? The kindness?

I loathe vomit but if DH were in that situation, I'd collect him in a heartbeat. I'd look after him. I'd make sure he was safe. He'd do the same for me. This isn't controversial it's basic human kindness which is the least we owe those we love.

Fuck that, I love my husband,been together forever. Would I fuck go and get him if he was wankered on someone’s sofa. I’d leave him there to sleep,it off and apologise to his colleagues.

It would be higher than 84% and people would tell her to LTB.

Your colleagues clearly didn't want you at theirs - particularly in that state - and he should have respected that and come and get you. Unless he was incapacitated in some way. He's out of order - your husband is meant to support you for better or worst. (also, you're how old?!! Presumably 15 to get yourself in that state 🙄) YABBU

he has not scratched your back, so no need to scratch his.
For other nights out either pay proper attention to what you're drinking or have 2 backup plans to get home that don't involve him

I had this once with my husband. His brother rang to say he was too drunk for them to take into a nightclub.......my reply:" if you're old enough to be p***d you're old enough to get yourself home"
His parents never forgave me. His older sister agreed with me.
To be frank I hate drunks so I wasn't impressed.
I reckon you got what you deserved. He never did it again. And neither will you!

I think you need to tell him how this has made you feel.

It would make me feel shite too OP because he has made it clear he doesn't give a toss.

YANBU

I can't believe he didn't get you - either at night (good husband) or even in the morning (adequate husband).

Me and DH live and respect each other - that means helping each other out

Honestly - I am a serious wine drinker (as in I have qualifications in wine, and although I don’t work in the trade, I attend a lot of trade tastings) and although I only drink once or twice a week, I can easily put away a bottle of champagne over an evening and still be fine to get myself home on public transport and maybe just be a bit tired the next day.

BUT. I do not drink cheap red wine very regularly at all. And I had some recently at a work do - proper 4.99 made in a lab with mega purple, crap that’s flogged for £20 in a shit pub - and I’ve never been so ill or drunk after two glasses. I really think the amount of shit (congeners) that’s in cheap red wine renders it basically poison and amplifies the effects over and above just accounting for ABV (e.g. a 14% Condrieu would be fine). So I wouldn’t be too hard on yourself - that stuff is the work of the devil.

I agree though that your husband should have come and got you, or put you in a taxi.

I would be looking forward to it, it wouldn’t be my dream night out, but I would do it for the OP if I were married to her. Of course I would. Without a second’s thought.

Well, you won't be going to pick him up any more when he's drunk will you.

Totally get your situation. It happens. He was a major prick and, as you say, he's shown you really can't rely on him. I'd be paying serious attention to the relationship going forward to see if it's a common theme. If it is, I'd be moving on.

Of course she should. They’re married. They’re a team.

Do I win your house?

I note that this thread is full of the regular Mumsnet wet blankets who think that driving for 90 minutes is like doing the Paris-Dakar rally.