Page 10 | But embarrassing for me, but was DH wrong too?

Suze889 · 2023-12-18T17:57:52+00:00

Work night out recently. I got completely hammered on red wine; I must say now and I do mean this, this is really unlike me but it happened so have to to tell the truth. Work colleagues were also drunk but luckily female colleague’s husband was on hand to take us back to hers. I love about 45 minutes away and was supposed to be getting the train home but was not capable of this. I know the shame. This is where it gets weird. Colleague and her husband called my husband from my phone. I was incapable of speaking to him and was lying on sofa. My husband was completely unperturbed by the whole thing, refused to come and pick me up, (it was only nine o’clock) and pretty much left me at my colleagues so I had to stay the night and THEY had to drive me home the next day. So embarrassing. My colleagues were also a bit drunk And outraged at my husband’s behaviour and when he refused to come and pick me up. They called back to discover he had turned his phone off! Now I was completely oblivious to all this happening but now I just feel so little and small. If the shoe had been on the other foot, I would have collected him, I have done similar before. My colleagues all think he’s a dick but are being polite and I am mortified on all fronts.

MasterBeth · 18/12/2023 21:59

Seaside3 · 18/12/2023 18:51

I think you need tomown this inw. You're a professional adult, who didn't recognise that you were getting so drunk you couldn't even speak.

It's not your husbands fault.

Would it have been nice of him to collect you? Yes. Should he have to? No.

For all those saying 'it's a partnership, he should be there', the op should nit have put that kind of pressure on her husband. When was she behaving like.a partner? She chose to get blind drunk, you deal with the consequences.

What pressure?

Please come and get your wife home safely?

pontipinemum · 18/12/2023 21:59

I think he's an arse and he should have come for you! I have done it for friends/ family before. As you said it's not like you're doing it every 2nd night.

I don't really drink anymore, but jes we all make mistakes. And you sound remorseful. I would say park it though. Sometimes putting this things out of mind makes them fade into the background

Jf20 · 18/12/2023 22:02

betterangels · 18/12/2023 21:32

It would be higher than 84% and people would tell her to LTB.

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Of course they would, the other day people were horrified a bloke had 7 pints and puked. Calling him a selfish alkie. One even said he needed nhs treatment for his binge drinking. Even though the op said it was rare.

but when a woman does it , it’s all oh hun he should have come and got you, you’re just human. Ones even calling people wet blankets as they’d leave their husbands to deal with it themselves.

as said too right I’d leave my husband where he was. Knowing he was safe and sleeping it off on someone’s sofa. Yup. His mess to deal with. Would I fuck go get him.

justasking111 · 18/12/2023 22:02

Well you say that you've picked him up before now. I wouldn't be doing that again

Cleanbedsheets · 18/12/2023 22:04

Woman gets pissed at Christmas works party and the pearl clutchers are utterly horrified.

Any normal partner would have picked you up op

lilmishap · 18/12/2023 22:04

One of you was drunk the other wasn't. I wouldn't leave my partner to embarrass themselves at a work event because I would have their back and it sounds like you're the same. The fact he was contacted and he refused is so cringey, seriously you are told your partner is incapable in a strange place3 you don't leave them there. Spend the next few years bringing it up but you don't leave them there. He wasn't directing air traffic at Heathrow at the time or doing anything of note he just fucked you over out of bone idle bloody behaviour.
YNBU.
He's a dick, let him know you'll return the favour if you ever get the chance

Jf20 · 18/12/2023 22:05

Cleanbedsheets · 18/12/2023 22:04

Woman gets pissed at Christmas works party and the pearl clutchers are utterly horrified.

Any normal partner would have picked you up op

Edited

Who is horrified? Saying you’d leave your husband to sleep it off and deal with his own mess isn’t horrified or pearl clutching. You’re the one pearl clutching as no white knight rode in to rescue her.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 18/12/2023 22:06

I wouldn’t want a 90m round trip to collect my drunk husband and if I had to, he’d be in the doghouse. However, there’s no way I’d allow him to be a colleague’s problem if I could get him home.

Tryingtokeepgoing · 18/12/2023 22:10

VisionsOfSplendour · 18/12/2023 19:21

It might be hard for you to imagine but suppose you did fall from your pedestal and got incapable drunk would you not expect a partner to collect you? Even if under sufferance, leaving someone to be looked after by work colleagues is not the sign of a caring partner

Are there other red flags OP?

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It’s hardly putting myself on a pedestal to say I can’t imagine getting that drunk on a work night out, or with colleagues. That’s spectacularly bad judgement which ever way you look at it. I’ve certainly got very drunk with friends before, though even then not until the point I couldn’t speak. I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in never having managed to get quite that drunk…?

But on those occasions when I have been very drunk, and safe, no, I wouldn’t have expected my husband to have collected me, and he was a very caring man indeed who undoubtedly would have done so. I just wouldn’t have put that expectation on him, and certainly wouldn’t have judged him for not doing so. Particularly as in the case of the OP, based on her choice of words at least, it probably wasn’t the first time.

The biggest red flag here is the OPs approach to work and alcohol, and the flag is for her partner not her. IMO.

Onabench · 18/12/2023 22:10

My husband always has my back, even when I mess up. Of course he’d come and get me. I’d be really embarrassed too OP.

SequentialAnalyst · 18/12/2023 22:11

If one is not a regular drinker it can be easy to accidentally overdo it on a Christmas work night out.

Your DH does not have your back. I would be mortified, partly of course because of my own state, but also because of H's indifference. Is this typical of him?

lilmishap · 18/12/2023 22:16

@Tryingtokeepgoing she got drunk it happens. 'Fuck ya then' is not the attitude you expect from someone you're married to. A drunk woman IS vulnerable her husband is supposed to give a shit more than most, thankfully her colleagues were grown ups.
You got yourself vulnerable suck it up is not a great attitude to have at christmas. He is supposed to help her when she's at her worst, that's what marriage is.

FantaBanane · 18/12/2023 22:17

People saying this isn’t your husband’s responsibility - if your husband hasn’t got your back, then who has?

gannett · 18/12/2023 22:19

Hmm. I lean towards "of course he should have come to pick you up" but it's all hypothetical for me as neither DP nor I drive, so if either of us get so wasted we can't make our way home properly, it's on us. Also almost all of our friends would just put us to bed/on the sofa at their place for the night without calling the other one. Even colleagues too - tbh it's that phone call that's the weirdest bit of the story. I can't imagine phoning a drunk friend's partner and telling them to come and pick her/him up. It's fairly likely they're not in a position to do so.

I'd have mostly been reluctant because in my experience if someone is that wasted, then 45 minutes later they'll be passed out completely and impossible to move.

NC543210 · 18/12/2023 22:19

I think my partner would come and get me one I would him
But he wouldn't be happy and neither would I if the roles were reversed.

But I wouldn't leave him stranded.

And those of you up in arms about op being hammered. She said it isn't a regular thing.
It happens.

easylikeasundaymorn · 18/12/2023 22:19

Tryingtokeepgoing · 18/12/2023 22:10

It’s hardly putting myself on a pedestal to say I can’t imagine getting that drunk on a work night out, or with colleagues. That’s spectacularly bad judgement which ever way you look at it. I’ve certainly got very drunk with friends before, though even then not until the point I couldn’t speak. I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in never having managed to get quite that drunk…?

But on those occasions when I have been very drunk, and safe, no, I wouldn’t have expected my husband to have collected me, and he was a very caring man indeed who undoubtedly would have done so. I just wouldn’t have put that expectation on him, and certainly wouldn’t have judged him for not doing so. Particularly as in the case of the OP, based on her choice of words at least, it probably wasn’t the first time.

The biggest red flag here is the OPs approach to work and alcohol, and the flag is for her partner not her. IMO.

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How on earth can "No, I haven’t ever done this before." Be interpreted as "based on her choice of words at least, it probably wasn’t the first time."???
Do you usually fail basic reading comprehension?

Jf20 · 18/12/2023 22:21

How did they get your husbands number, you were passed out and didn’t know they were calling him.

easylikeasundaymorn · 18/12/2023 22:21

MasterBeth · 18/12/2023 21:57

I note that this thread is full of the regular Mumsnet wet blankets who think that driving for 90 minutes is like doing the Paris-Dakar rally.

And 9 o clock is "the middle of the night!"

Jf20 · 18/12/2023 22:22

lilmishap · 18/12/2023 22:16

@Tryingtokeepgoing she got drunk it happens. 'Fuck ya then' is not the attitude you expect from someone you're married to. A drunk woman IS vulnerable her husband is supposed to give a shit more than most, thankfully her colleagues were grown ups.
You got yourself vulnerable suck it up is not a great attitude to have at christmas. He is supposed to help her when she's at her worst, that's what marriage is.

She wasn’t vulnerable for goodness sake, she was with two colleagues who cared for her and took her back.

Lovethistimeofyear · 18/12/2023 22:23

I would be sad that my husband didn’t care enough about me - it wasnt just that he didn’t pick you up, it’s the indifference you describe and the phone being switched off too.

If I did this at a friend’s I wouldn’t necessarily expect to be picked up. Or I could at least understand why he would leave me to sleep it off.

With work colleagues I would 100% want dh to come for me and take me home.

lilmishap · 18/12/2023 22:25

@Jf20 Lucky cause her husband wasn't. As I stated in my posts. How well did he know them? I wouldn't leave someone in a state of embarrassment if I had the availability to prevent it, you would. We're different.

Psyberbaby · 18/12/2023 22:27

I don't really understand the point of a marriage if not to have someone who has your back come what may. Other than that what's the point? To split bills with?
Disclaimer: not married

Seaside3 · 18/12/2023 22:28

@MasterBeth she got so wankered that she couldn't speak. She needs to own that it is her behaviour here, not the husbands
Expecting him to drive 90 mins minimum round trip to collect her is unfair. As others have pointed out, if the roles were reversed, most people would say she should leave him to sleep it off and he should be apologising.
Your partner should have your back, but you should also respect your partner by not getting that drunk and expecting him to get you.

TedMullins · 18/12/2023 22:34

FreshWinterMorning · 18/12/2023 21:05

@AlmostAJillSandwich · Today 19:42

Honestly, i can understand your husband not wanting to drive 45 minutes to pick you up, then a 45 minute drive home with you in that state. I wouldn't risk you throwing up and/or passing out and wetting/soiling yourself in my car.

He knew you were somewhere safe and not alone so in no immediate danger. You made your bed so to speak, the decision to drink so much and get in that state was 100% on you, so i don't think he's done anything wrong in not wanting to deal with you. Good on him for turning his phone off after letting them know he wasn't coming for you, he didn't deserve to be badgered by your colleague who clearly didn't want to deal with you either!

I am gobsmacked at this post, and your attitude. This is NOT how you treat your spouse - the person you are supposed to love and care for and protect. My husband would never have done this to me in a million years. He is always there for me. Always has been.

I couldn't get a taxi home at half past midnight one time last year when I had been out with colleagues - my taxi hadn't turned up and I was stranded and couldn't get another one. A colleague said I could go with her and stay with her, but I didn't want to burden her.

I rang DH, and he answered his phone, and got dressed to come and get me, at 1am, even though he had been to work on 2pm-10pm, and had gone to bed at 11.45pm. I had had a lot to drink then too. He didn't refuse to get me, and switch off his phone. Utterly disgusting way to treat someone, just leaving them and refusing to come get them, especially your WIFE.

Why didn’t you just stay with your colleague? It wouldn’t even occur to me to ring my partner at 1am if there was another option available.

lilmishap · 18/12/2023 22:37

@TedMullins wtf?
I called a colleague rather than you at 1am when in need is not the brag you think it is. I would be hurt if my partner told me that. Genuinely hurt.