But embarrassing for me, but was DH wrong too?

[Suze889]

Work night out recently. I got completely hammered on red wine; I must say now and I do mean this, this is really unlike me but it happened so have to to tell the truth. Work colleagues were also drunk but luckily female colleague’s husband was on hand to take us back to hers. I love about 45 minutes away and was supposed to be getting the train home but was not capable of this. I know the shame. This is where it gets weird. Colleague and her husband called my husband from my phone. I was incapable of speaking to him and was lying on sofa. My husband was completely unperturbed by the whole thing, refused to come and pick me up, (it was only nine o’clock) and pretty much left me at my colleagues so I had to stay the night and THEY had to drive me home the next day. So embarrassing. My colleagues were also a bit drunk And outraged at my husband’s behaviour and when he refused to come and pick me up. They called back to discover he had turned his phone off! Now I was completely oblivious to all this happening but now I just feel so little and small. If the shoe had been on the other foot, I would have collected him, I have done similar before. My colleagues all think he’s a dick but are being polite and I am mortified on all fronts.

How judgmental. Getting that hammered is more likely to happen to someone who doesn't drink a lot, than to someone who does.

If she makes a habit of it, then I don't blame the DH for letting her stew. If it was a one off, he doesn't love her.

You got pissed up and instead of taking care of you, your husband imposed on your colleagues.

be careful about having kids with him. A late night trip to pick up a drunk spouse is nothing compared to what parents have to do. I once caught a turd in my hand when dd pulled down her leggings and couldn’t wait. I can’t even quantify how much shit and sick I’ve cleaned up from kids and dogs. And it sounds like you’ll be doing it alone whilst he rests in luxury.

I think it's irrelevant why you were drunk or how drunk you were - as your partner he should have cared more about how you were, and secondly cared about your colleagues - incredibly rude to just ditch you with them. I'd find it hard to forgive such a lack of empathy and you saying he does it often suggests to me that he is not a good partner.

It’s all his fault.
And the man who spiked your drink.
You deserve so much better than this, OP; time to move on.

so it's okay for the husband to not come and pick her up (I understand not WANTING to), but tough luck for the poor colleague, someone who hasn't committed to sharing their life with her?

Even if you think OP deserved to be punished by not being collected, surely bare minimum human decency would be taking the burden off the colleague who is the person least at fault (yet the only one who acted decently!)

Wow @Suze889 YANBU. I would have questioned our marriage/our relationship completely if my DH was able to, but could not be fucked to pick me up - at 9pm from a night out, when I had no other way of getting home ... This is A* shitty behaviour and shows very little regard for you at ALL.

As a pp discussed

what would you all advise if a woman posted saying her DH was passed out on a colleagues couch after a work night out, should she drive a 90 minute return journey to pick him up?

I bet my house that the consensus would be leave him to it.

@19lottie82 I’d pick up my partner regardless of their sex if they were in a vulnerable situation, without question.

Do not have children with this man OP he is showing you where you sit in his priorities.

Well, I think your DH is a cunt.

Op, take no notice of the perfect ‘tut tut, you’re a grown woman, you should know better’.

These things happen, you’re not the first & you certainly won’t be the last!

Your DH is awful. Just thinking about all my friends DH’s & I’m sure they’d go to collect their wives/gf’s.

Absolutely! The outrage and lock him out, leave for a weekend Spa etc etc!

@AlmostAJillSandwich · Today 19:42

Honestly, i can understand your husband not wanting to drive 45 minutes to pick you up, then a 45 minute drive home with you in that state. I wouldn't risk you throwing up and/or passing out and wetting/soiling yourself in my car.

He knew you were somewhere safe and not alone so in no immediate danger. You made your bed so to speak, the decision to drink so much and get in that state was 100% on you, so i don't think he's done anything wrong in not wanting to deal with you. Good on him for turning his phone off after letting them know he wasn't coming for you, he didn't deserve to be badgered by your colleague who clearly didn't want to deal with you either!

I am gobsmacked at this post, and your attitude. This is NOT how you treat your spouse - the person you are supposed to love and care for and protect. My husband would never have done this to me in a million years. He is always there for me. Always has been.

I couldn't get a taxi home at half past midnight one time last year when I had been out with colleagues - my taxi hadn't turned up and I was stranded and couldn't get another one. A colleague said I could go with her and stay with her, but I didn't want to burden her.

I rang DH, and he answered his phone, and got dressed to come and get me, at 1am, even though he had been to work on 2pm-10pm, and had gone to bed at 11.45pm. I had had a lot to drink then too. He didn't refuse to get me, and switch off his phone. Utterly disgusting way to treat someone, just leaving them and refusing to come get them, especially your WIFE.

It would be interesting to hear the DH's side of this. In most instances I'd say he should have picked you up.

You say you don't do it frequently, but you do it regularly then? How often is 'not frequently'? Has your DH rescued you other times? Maybe what is not frequently to you is to him and he's fed up with it. In that case, I can see that he's decided not to inconvenience himself and let you wear the consequences of your choices for once (given you were in a safe place).

Does he do this himself? If so, then he hasn't got a leg to stand on as far as resenting having to rescue you, assuming you've had to do the same.

It seems like every second thread here is about people getting way too drunk at the moment.

you've completely missed the point in that while the colleague probably didn't WANT a paralytic drunk on their sofa they still DID look after her. Nobody is saying they expected the DH to be overjoyed and jumping with happiness, just that if a colleague (not even a friend) could be bothered to do the bare minimum of human decency and look after someone who was incapable of doing so themselves (albeit due to their own mistake) it's not unreasonable to expect her own husband to do the same.

And it sounds like colleagues husband was an unknown male - she hasn't even said how well she knows the colleague, let alone the husband, and both were probably completely unknown to her DH, so had no idea what type of person they are or how safe she was with them. It's a completely different scenario to passing out on a close mate's couch.

Even if he didn't want to risk her puking in his car there's no excuse for saying 'Look I'm sorry I can't come and get her tonight, (could make up an excuse like I've had a drink myself), I really appreciate you keeping an eye on her, if you just leave her on the couch to sleep it off I'll come and get her tomorrow morning.' Not just turn his phone off and leave her to get home alone! He should be incredibly grateful to the colleague rather than basically giving them a 'fuck you!'

I'd leave him for ignoring you and turning the phone off. What if something had happened to you in the night and you ended up in hospital?

My husband has waited around at friends/family, driven to collect me from Central London then driven us home to furthest Kent when I've been out.

He is from central London though so has no issue driving it, and London to end of Kent was a regular journey for us that we thought nothing of driving, but still. He wouldn't leave me to get public transport after drinking. And I'd always collect him too.

God even my ex picked me up when I was in that state. He was the only person I knew to contact at the time. And he came and got me and took me home and slept in spare room to check I was okay. So yeah your DH is consciously being a dick

He doesn't seem caring or thoughtful.

Everyone makes the odd (awful) mistake and having a partner who has your back in those circumstances is part of the reason for being together! I know that my DH would come and pick me up. He might find it funny or he might be absolutely furious, but he would be there either way.

I'd be embarrassed that people I work with saw that I was married to such a rude, indifferent and mean spirited man.

I'm sorry that this happened to you. It's over and done with now though. It's a one off, hopefully your work colleagues will forget about it, too.

Sounds like your colleagues (who you said were drunk), made a tipsy phone call to your hubby (who was probably asleep), drunkenly asking him to come pick you up because you were hammered. Then tried calling him again after he said no. Maybe even more than once?

I’d have picked you up because I’m an idiot. Your husband probably thought ‘let her sleep it off’ and went back to sleep himself on DND, because you were safe and with colleagues. Which actually sounds pretty sensible. Far more sensible than ‘drive 90 minutes in the middle of the night so you both feel like hell the next day’.

As @easylikeasundaymorn said, why was it OK for the OP's colleague to have a pissed up, possibly vomiting person in their car and in their home, but not for her HUSBAND to have her with him?

I despair for humanity sometimes on here, FFS!

10 minute drive yes I’d willingly help. But gosh I don’t think I’d collect drunk but safe DH on a surprise demand for an hour and a half’s drive at 9pm. I care for DH in lots of different ways but would certainly let him relax with mates and make his own way home next day.

TBH, if you truly don't have form for this, AND you have collected him before when he has had to be picked up for drinking too much, I would probably exit the relationship over this.

You admittedly made a mistake; for all anyone knows, you could have been spiked since you don't have form for this.
He left you there.
He turned his phone off.
He did this knowing it could effect your treatment at work, your livelihood.

You don't have children tying you together.

I'd be viewing this as his utter disregard / contempt for you and ending the marriage.

That’s the thing, I can’t even really ask him as he’s just like what; you were the idiot

And this is the tell. OP and her husband can't talk to one another. I can't fathom this "I can't ask him about it" . Just ask him about it! If he refuses to talk, follow him and say "Why don't you want to talk about it? That's weird! You were obviously upset that I got drunk, and I am upset that you didn't come to help me, we need to talk about it and repair our relationship."

If he won't discuss it then to me that could escalate into a dumping offence because it just signals that he's not prepared to open up, not prepared to have a difficult conversation, not prepared to hear your point of view...

The discussion about it is such basic Comms 101 for a relationship I am boggled that the pair of you wouldn't be able to navigate that.

Oh, and he's your next of kin/emergency contact - so would automatically be contacted if you'd been run over or drunk in the street - so him turning his phone off, while not actually illegal, is a fairly morally dubious move.Suppose you'd slipped into unconsciousness and had to be blue lighted to have your stomach pumped?

urgh there are some right judgemental puritans on mumsnet when it comes to alcohol! 🤣

Friends drove her home the next morning according to OP not the same night, she could've got the train by then, take some responsibility.