Page 7 | To think Boxing Day is for family and not football?

Felicityfennel · 2023-12-17T19:38:47+00:00

So sick of it! Every year, DH and DS want to go to DH’s hometown to watch the Boxing Day game. Plans have to be worked around this and given it’s an 8 hour round trip, it’s pretty much an overnight stay. If we’re with the in-laws for Christmas, fine, crack on. But when we’re in our home town and have other family to see, really?! It also means an early night Christmas Day as they want to be up and out to get to the game on Boxing Day the next morning 😭

MargotBamborough · 18/12/2023 09:28

EddieHowesShithousingMags · 18/12/2023 09:22

🤷🏼‍♀️ this is the first year the OP’s poor husband has tried to do it and she’s already kicking off. It’d be far more practical to find a new wife than a new football team.

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It'd be far more practical for him to do it one year when they are staying with the in laws and the match is local.

The problem is that this is the sort of insidious tradition that becomes every year once it gets established and then everyone else is stuck with it. Much better to set some boundaries now and say they should only go when it's local.

That said, strategically it would be better for the OP to make some actual plans for Boxing Day which are harder to duck out of.

ilovesooty · 18/12/2023 09:33

MargotBamborough · 18/12/2023 09:28

It'd be far more practical for him to do it one year when they are staying with the in laws and the match is local.

The problem is that this is the sort of insidious tradition that becomes every year once it gets established and then everyone else is stuck with it. Much better to set some boundaries now and say they should only go when it's local.

That said, strategically it would be better for the OP to make some actual plans for Boxing Day which are harder to duck out of.

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And why should her husband and the child who wants to go to the match be compelled to participate in those plans if they're arranged without consulting them?

Ghentsummer · 18/12/2023 09:34

MargotBamborough · 18/12/2023 08:54

To all the people saying, "it's tradition", I think starting a tradition is exactly what the OP is worried about.

Try to put yourselves in the shoes of one of the many millions of people who don't give a shit about football and ask yourselves whether you would be happy for half your family to go halfway across the country EVERY Boxing Day to watch some men kick a ball around a field.

It would be more reasonable for them to do it only in years they spend Christmas with the in laws and the match is local, or find an alternative team to support on Boxing Day that doesn't involve an 8 hour round trip.

Well me, my mum and my sister don't give a shit about football and my dad has previously taken my brothers on a 6 hr round trip to watch the Boxing Day football. So I have actually lived the experience you and the OP are bitching about. And it was great. The boys went off to do their thing and I got to stay home in my pj's eating snacks and watching Xmas films.

Oh, and you don't just swap teams just because you move. What a joke.

MyBigFatGreekSalad · 18/12/2023 09:36

I think it's quite a nice tradition for a father and son (and I hate football)

Do you have anyone else you can spend the day with? If not then that's a bit shitty if theyre leaving you on your own on Boxing Day.

idontlikealdi · 18/12/2023 09:39

DH and fil are football mad. It's a tradition for them.

I go to the pub and watch the Morris dancers with my family and just assume it will be a football day. The kids sometimes go with him but is rare they get a ticket.

saraclara · 18/12/2023 09:41

Obviously the sensible thing to do is to re-jig the Christmas turn taking, and spend home game Christmases with the in-laws and away game Christmases at home with OP's family.

There. Sorted.

applesandmares · 18/12/2023 09:41

I don't think it's fair to make your husband and son stay home to watch you laze around and eat chocolate when they want to go and watch the football (and possibly see their parents/grandparents heaven forbid). Maybe compromise that they go but definitely return the same day so that it doesn't eat into the rest of the festive period?

I can see how it's annoying for you when you want them home, but you can relax with or without them at home, and you really don't need to plan anything!

MargotBamborough · 18/12/2023 09:43

ilovesooty · 18/12/2023 09:33

And why should her husband and the child who wants to go to the match be compelled to participate in those plans if they're arranged without consulting them?

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Why should the OP and the rest of her children be abandoned for half the Christmas period every year if this "tradition" gets established?

Starting a "tradition" which involves just you and one child taking an 8 hour round trip to go and see a bloody football match over the prime family Christmas period every year is bloody selfish. Better to knock it on the head right at the outset by establishing some firm boundaries now.

The trouble is that once they've already travelled to the other side of the country to see football on Boxing Day once, it's hard to argue that it's too far to go to watch football at the expense of family time.

If her husband and son don't care about family time then they have a bigger problem, of which football is a symptom, not the cause.

My brother is football mad but he wouldn't go to football on Boxing Day because family time is important to him.

BitOutOfPractice · 18/12/2023 09:44

YABU Boxing Day football is a long long tradition.

Don’t they ever play away on BD? How come it’s always at home?

Familiaritybreedscontemptso · 18/12/2023 09:46

YABU. This is their tradition. How lovely for your son to have that memory of football with his dad. My ds and I have a season ticket and I love that for a few hours every couple of weeks we are together with a sole focus…I expect it’s something he’ll really fondly remember as an adult.

This is a new tradition for you all so that’s the bit to work out, and you haven’t got it quite right this year, but that’s cos it’s the first year. Going forward, there aren’t home games every Boxing Day so you work your timetable better around them - your family when the Boxing Day game is away, and his when it’s at home. Then you’ve got less of the travelling etc. And maybe try going with them next time - it’s a lot of fun.

cockadoodledandy · 18/12/2023 09:46

So you stay home and see your family while they go to see his family and the football. I don’t see why you have to go with them? Youre individuals, you don’t have to do the same thing all the time.

cockadoodledandy · 18/12/2023 09:48

MargotBamborough · 18/12/2023 09:43

Why should the OP and the rest of her children be abandoned for half the Christmas period every year if this "tradition" gets established?

Starting a "tradition" which involves just you and one child taking an 8 hour round trip to go and see a bloody football match over the prime family Christmas period every year is bloody selfish. Better to knock it on the head right at the outset by establishing some firm boundaries now.

The trouble is that once they've already travelled to the other side of the country to see football on Boxing Day once, it's hard to argue that it's too far to go to watch football at the expense of family time.

If her husband and son don't care about family time then they have a bigger problem, of which football is a symptom, not the cause.

My brother is football mad but he wouldn't go to football on Boxing Day because family time is important to him.

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This is family time, between dad and eldest son. Presumably as the others grow if they also want to go, they will be included in the tradition.

Would you genuinely stifle their enjoyment in order to serve your own?

Gettingcolder · 18/12/2023 09:50

Traditionally Boxing Day is for sport. I am not a football fan, but would definitely expect to take part or spectate at my own sport on that day.

MargotBamborough · 18/12/2023 09:50

cockadoodledandy · 18/12/2023 09:48

This is family time, between dad and eldest son. Presumably as the others grow if they also want to go, they will be included in the tradition.

Would you genuinely stifle their enjoyment in order to serve your own?

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It's family time which excludes half the family unless they are willing to let their own Boxing Days revolve around football too.

I think whoever first thought of football on Boxing Day must have hated their mother tbh.

Sapphire387 · 18/12/2023 09:57

Boxing Day football is fine, but travelling halfway across the country is not - it's the fact it takes the whole day rather than just the late afternoon that would bother me.

Your DH will probably be scandalised by this, but if you live in say, Norwich, and they're travelling to Manchester for the football, it might be time for him to accept that your DS' local team is actually Norwich. And start going to the local games. Doesn't mean they have to totally abandon the old team. It means making new traditions too.

Also - does this team really play at home every year? Surely that can't be right.

stayathomer · 18/12/2023 10:01

Sorry but I don’t think you can force a day like that on someone- there used to be a Stephen’s day ride out in our stables on the 26th, with a lunch thingy after- the year my mum told me I couldn’t go because it was a family day we just pretty much fought for the day! I remember db having something another time and he was forced to stay home and he stayed in his room. Yes all petty but the way we saw it it was our day too and we’d made plans!

HardcoreLadyType · 18/12/2023 10:02

MargotBamborough · 18/12/2023 09:12

Yes but is it a lovely tradition for the spouse and children who aren't football fans to be left for 24 hours every Boxing Day meaning that there isn't even the possibility of them doing anything else together as a whole family?

Not so much.

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Can she not do something else nice? Invent a tradition of her own?

They have all year to do nice things together as a whole family. There is nothing sacrosanct about Boxing Day that makes it a “whole family day”.

MargotBamborough · 18/12/2023 10:03

HardcoreLadyType · 18/12/2023 10:02

Can she not do something else nice? Invent a tradition of her own?

They have all year to do nice things together as a whole family. There is nothing sacrosanct about Boxing Day that makes it a “whole family day”.

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This is upside down thinking.

The football season runs for most of the year. The season has barely ended before it starts again.

There are only a few days of Christmas.

Sapphire387 · 18/12/2023 10:03

And before anyone says it, it's not about 'getting a new team'. If you enjoy football, you enjoy football.

E.g. my DS supports one of the local teams in London where we live (QPR).

When we go to my in-laws, he'll happily join in going to see the local team there. Doesn't mean he doesn't still love his own team. There's plenty of opportunities to support your team that don't involve the entire of Boxing Day.

ilovesooty · 18/12/2023 10:09

MargotBamborough · 18/12/2023 09:43

Why should the OP and the rest of her children be abandoned for half the Christmas period every year if this "tradition" gets established?

Starting a "tradition" which involves just you and one child taking an 8 hour round trip to go and see a bloody football match over the prime family Christmas period every year is bloody selfish. Better to knock it on the head right at the outset by establishing some firm boundaries now.

The trouble is that once they've already travelled to the other side of the country to see football on Boxing Day once, it's hard to argue that it's too far to go to watch football at the expense of family time.

If her husband and son don't care about family time then they have a bigger problem, of which football is a symptom, not the cause.

My brother is football mad but he wouldn't go to football on Boxing Day because family time is important to him.

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As I said, it's unlikely that a team will be scheduled to be at home every single Boxing day. In fact it's unheard of.

It would be controlling to insist that this is "knocked on the head" as you so delightfully put it.

If I were in their position I'd want to go to the football. I wouldn't be prioritising " family time" either. They can do that the years that the team has away fixtures in another part of the country. What your brother does is his choice.

And so far the proposed family time sounds more like a punishment to me than an enticing activity.

MargotBamborough · 18/12/2023 10:11

ilovesooty · 18/12/2023 10:09

As I said, it's unlikely that a team will be scheduled to be at home every single Boxing day. In fact it's unheard of.

It would be controlling to insist that this is "knocked on the head" as you so delightfully put it.

If I were in their position I'd want to go to the football. I wouldn't be prioritising " family time" either. They can do that the years that the team has away fixtures in another part of the country. What your brother does is his choice.

And so far the proposed family time sounds more like a punishment to me than an enticing activity.

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I think that says more about your attitude towards family than it does about anything else.

I wouldn't have a Boxing Day tradition revolving around a hobby that half of my family isn't interested in unless it was going to take three hours tops, because I think it's fundamentally selfish.

But you do you.

Also your argument about away fixtures makes no sense. They are doing it this year when it's a long way from where the family will be. By your logic they could do it another year when either they are staying nearer to the football or the football is happening nearer to where they live.

Or, you know, support a local team.

LenaLamont · 18/12/2023 10:18

YABVU - you want DH and your eldest to miss out on an event they want to go to so you can have forced participation in a PJs lazy day?

In old fashioned Mumsnet parlance, give your head a wobble.

DM and I (and occasionally one of my children) liked to go to see a ballet on Boxing Day. It was not DH’s idea of fun, he liked a family walk.
Those who fancied the ballet did that, those who fancied the walk had a lovely long walk. Everyone got what they wanted out of the day without compelling attendance from people who’d rather be elsewhere.

ilovesooty · 18/12/2023 10:19

You don't know that "half the family" isn't interested. The other children are apparently too young.

And you don't know what the distances involved are. You're just saying that the OP should be able to have her own way regardless and impose her preferred activity on the whole family.

If imposing the woman's choice and punishing and controlling the rest of the family is your notion of productive family time you do you, as you say.

neverbeenskiing · 18/12/2023 10:24

I can't stand football, but I would be fine with this.

Unless I've missed something, your DH taking one child to the football shouldn't stop you from visiting family or them visiting you? I also don't really understand why your enjoyment of a lazy day eating chocolate in PJ's is curtailed by DH and DS not being there. I wouldn't care as long as I wasn't expected to go to the football myself!

It's nice that your DH and DS have a shared interest that they can bond over, personally I would encourage that even if it's something that doesn't appeal to me in the slightest

How old are the children? Is the issue that you're annoyed about being left with the younger two as they're harder work? If so then I would tell DH that's fine but he needs to do something with the younger two at some point over the festive period as well to give you a break.

Hbh17 · 18/12/2023 10:27

It absolutely isn't! People have been stuck in with their family all day on 25th. Boxing Day has long been a day for sporting activity, whether that be football, shooting, horse racing etc. Why can't people just be allowed to enjoy themselves when they have time off work or school?