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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think Boxing Day is for family and not football?

348 replies

Felicityfennel · 17/12/2023 19:38

So sick of it! Every year, DH and DS want to go to DH’s hometown to watch the Boxing Day game. Plans have to be worked around this and given it’s an 8 hour round trip, it’s pretty much an overnight stay. If we’re with the in-laws for Christmas, fine, crack on. But when we’re in our home town and have other family to see, really?! It also means an early night Christmas Day as they want to be up and out to get to the game on Boxing Day the next morning 😭

OP posts:
applesandmares · 19/12/2023 13:44

@Goodlard I don't think it's weird or controlling to not want to start a relationship with a football mad bloke if you don't like it yourself. They might be the most charming man in the world but if they're off to watch every home game and most away games then that's a fair amount of time that they aren't available to help around the house/with children or have quality time, especially if you both work full time on different schedules.

I agree with @ihavespoken that it's down to compatibility. I'd feel the same way about a man that had any hobby I couldn't be more disinterested in, and spent a significant amount of time on it each week. Needless to say they probably wouldn't want me either!

What would be weird and controlling would be meeting a football mad bloke and then telling him he can't go.

wispadelight · 19/12/2023 13:51

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Goodlard · 19/12/2023 14:14

ihavespoken · 19/12/2023 13:43

@Goodlard but you have to get along with the person you're spending your life with. If starting from scratch I would not choose to date someone who didn't support my team, still less someone who wasn't interested in football at all!
No point compromising at the start

But surely any good relationship is about give and take?

nickelbabe · 19/12/2023 14:16

Football has always been played on Boxing Day.
it's traditional.

Here's thing - you could go with them.
or you could stay at home and do something for yourself.

ihavespoken · 19/12/2023 14:24

@Goodlard I agree about give and take but for something that will take up a day every other weekend for 10 months of the year it's best to establish whether you agree on it or not, at the outset. If it's important to one of you, that is.

From the replies on this thread it seems football is beyond just give and take for a lot of people. Me included - I wouldn't get into a relationship with someone who was going to get the hump about my season ticket. I consider all home fixtures from now until eternity to be a prior engagement which will come before all but the most vital other commitments.. so it's best that any partner is ok with this.. otherwise we wouldn't be suited.

Goodlard · 19/12/2023 14:57

@ihavespoken but the question asked was not

Do you like cycling and will you be out at least one day every weekend 52 weeks of the year and on cycling holidays and weekends away.

It was "do you like football", that was it, football was something not acceptable, not rugby, not cycling, not any other time consuming sport, just football.

That to me is controlling, because it's just football. It's telling a person what hobby they can have.

But we will have to agree to disagree.

ihavespoken · 19/12/2023 15:35

@Goodlard yes let's agree to disagree Xmas Smile.. have a lovely boxing day whatever you have planned!

jwilson22 · 19/12/2023 16:03

Footballs a huge Boxing Day tradition. See family any of the other days of the year and let DH make his own traditions with his own family

Goodlard · 19/12/2023 16:13

ihavespoken · 19/12/2023 15:35

@Goodlard yes let's agree to disagree Xmas Smile.. have a lovely boxing day whatever you have planned!

As long as it's not a hobby my DH has decided is not suitable for him?

Goodlard · 19/12/2023 16:16

applesandmares · 19/12/2023 13:44

@Goodlard I don't think it's weird or controlling to not want to start a relationship with a football mad bloke if you don't like it yourself. They might be the most charming man in the world but if they're off to watch every home game and most away games then that's a fair amount of time that they aren't available to help around the house/with children or have quality time, especially if you both work full time on different schedules.

I agree with @ihavespoken that it's down to compatibility. I'd feel the same way about a man that had any hobby I couldn't be more disinterested in, and spent a significant amount of time on it each week. Needless to say they probably wouldn't want me either!

What would be weird and controlling would be meeting a football mad bloke and then telling him he can't go.

But why did the mad DIL only ask two questions before she got into a relationship?

The only hobby he wasn't allowed was football? That's exactly my point! It's weird and controlling.

If it had been any hobby that took up hours, then fair enough..... but it was just football.

⚽️ A

LikeTheMorningDew · 19/12/2023 16:18

And your wishes trump theirs why precisely?

InSpainTheRain · 19/12/2023 17:06

I can see that's annoying for you - but on the other hand it's a lovely thing for DH and DS to do together. Could you plan a lovely day with your other 2 instead? So instead of feeling you're waiting for him and being annoyed, just do something that's for the 3 of you. No cooking, but do some crafting round the table and then watch a film with party style food for example? Would they go on a boxing day walk with you which could make more fun with an activity? Perhaps if you plan a special day for you and 2 DC it won't feel so annoying?

LilacMcMeow · 19/12/2023 18:15

It does sound like a tradition, but one that does not involve the whole family. I get that this "additional commitment/activity" can impinge on other seasonal plans, which sounds annoying (especially if it's you that has to organise said plans, and you that has to send their apologies/excuses when they can't attend). I get that you'd like to have a day of "togetherness" for all of you to be at home together lounging, playing games, eating chocolates. You are not being unreasonable. How about a compromise of them only attending the Boxing Day match if it's a home game? This won't be every year (most of the Boxing Day fixtures try to reduce travel for away fans by trying to have relatively nearby teams playing each other where possible, but obviously only half the teams can have home games that day). And/or how about setting aside New Years Day to be together and have relaxed family time, if this is a viable option (the teams that get home games for Boxing Day tend to get away games scheduled for New Years Day).

NeverForgetYourDreams · 19/12/2023 22:02

DS17 and I go to the match on Boxing Day when it’s a home game and have done for the past 12 years. DH has no interest in football at all and he stays home. I wouldn’t be happy if he said we weren’t ‘allowed’ to go - it’s our hobby …..

Joelkimmo · 19/12/2023 23:13

So you want them to miss out on the football and making memories to sit off and do nothing? And it’s not every year cos they won’t be at home every Boxing Day. Me and my husband have season tickets for different teams. We have 2 kids one supports the same and him and one the same as me. Whoever is at home for the Boxing Day game goes the game and has 1 on 1 time making memories with the child.

HardcoreLadyType · 19/12/2023 23:26

Digestivechocolatebiscuit · 18/12/2023 19:10

My ex husband insisted going put all day on a pub crawl on boxing day with his friends .. l hated it .. glad he's my ex.

How is this in any way comparable to a father and son (and possibly other members of the extended family) going to the football together?

caringcarer · 19/12/2023 23:31

Needmorelego · 17/12/2023 19:40

Sorry but if you have football fans in the family then Boxing Day footy is pretty important.
It's as traditional as trees, turkey and all the other stuff.

All my family, me included will be watching the Boxing day footie. I'll do a big buffet they will snack through too.

rmcc1983 · 19/12/2023 23:42

Just because you don’t like football, don’t deny them their fun. You get to do what you want, they get to do what they want…what’s the problem? If they were forcing you to go, I’d say that’s unfair of them…forcing them to stay is unfair of you.

To be honest, you sound really whiny and selfish… ‘but I want.’ Newsflash - the world doesn’t revolve around you.

BrightGreenMoonBuggy · 19/12/2023 23:53

I just want a family day with us all lounging around in PJs and eating chocolates

That does sound boring to me. There’s no reason why you can’t do all that without forcing them to take part, just sitting there in pyjamas. Not sure why that gives you comforting family day vibes - your husband’s dad is his family too and he wants to do something with him. Why can’t you do something with your other family members and just let them enjoy something together. You’ll have already spent a day together. Time for him to choose to some traditional stuff with his dad without you forcing him to do what you want, surely?

UsingChangeofName · 20/12/2023 00:13

I just want a family day with us all lounging around in PJs and eating chocolates

Is there a reason you can't do that on Wednesday / Thursday / Friday / Saturday / Sunday / New Year's Day ?
I realise some people need to go back to work between Christmas and the weekend, but a lot don't, and if you are in on Wed, Thurs and Fri, then it still leaves the weekend and following Monday.

SheerLucks · 20/12/2023 00:48

Ablondiebutagoody · 17/12/2023 19:42

I personslly couldn't be arsed to go but if they're football fans, I think it's a lovely little tradition for them to have.

While we're not football fans here, I do agree with this.

Jellytot1234 · 20/12/2023 09:30

I was with you until you said “I just want a family day lounging around in pjs eating chocolate” it doesn’t sound like you have any Boxing Day plan or tradition yourself at all so why is it such a crime that they have their tradition of actually getting up to do something. I could have understood if you host for family etc and it’s annoying they are never there and would suggest a compromise of every other year… but as soon as you said you just want to stay at home in pjs… basically doing nothing… you lost me and I think it’s no wonder they try get out 😂

Chardonnayneeded · 21/12/2023 01:13

It’s Boxing Day so off you fuck, & I’ll slob in the chair thanks

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