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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it was weird to show up with prawns?

352 replies

prawngate · 17/12/2023 12:04

Last night had a gathering at DM’s - DB and I plus spouses and our children.

Anyway while we were cooking DM’s phone kept ringing- her DB is calling. After a while I said we need to answer because I was worried something was wrong. In any case he then started ringing me I picked up and he checks we’re at DMs and announces he and new GF are joining us.
He goes on to say they’re bringing prawns and wants to know if we have garlic and lemon.

DM says she did mention we were getting together to him a couple of months ago but he was non committal and didn’t bring it up again.

They show up a few hours later and the new GF has a massive bag of raw prawns - with heads and eyes. She starts skinning them and stuff pulling bits out and giving my mum - who has already cooked a huge buffet for us complete with beef rib and gammon - instructions on what she needs and complaining there isn’t enough lemon.

Apparently the prawns were quite nice (I didn’t want to try them with the heads) but she sat and started cutting huge chunks of prime beef rib off and ate a TON which annoyed DB and I because we were each taking some leftovers home 🤣

Anyway AIBU to say it’s weird to show up to someone else’s Xmas do with a bag of raw prawns and then expect them to supply you with the things to cook it? (And to sit and eat other people’s leftovers)

OP posts:
LemongrassLollipop · 17/12/2023 13:51

I can imagine the OP à la Catherine Tate, cheeks sucked in, recounting this tale....."Prawns, raw ... The dirty b*stards"

Lighten up OP.

StarSparkleShine · 17/12/2023 13:51

My relative would do this, and we would all inwardly fume too

vincettenoir · 17/12/2023 13:52

I don't think it's odd. Prawns are festive and it would have been rude not to contribute.

Some people like to cook from scratch and eat things that aren't beige.

CharlottePimpernel · 17/12/2023 13:53

My sister would do this, thinking it was a nice thing to do, and my mother would tell her it was nice and then fume about it to everyone else for months until nobody wanted to look a prawn in the face again as long as they lived.

PorpoiseWithPurpose · 17/12/2023 13:54

Was she Australian? Because this is standard in Australia. There’s nothing weird about it.

rookiemere · 17/12/2023 13:55

vincettenoir · 17/12/2023 13:52

I don't think it's odd. Prawns are festive and it would have been rude not to contribute.

Some people like to cook from scratch and eat things that aren't beige.

Prime rib beef isn't beige food.

Gerwurtztraminer · 17/12/2023 13:56

I think uncle & GF were rude (and yes, raw prawns were a very odd choice to bring)

  • Uncle didn't confirm he was coming until on the actual day, which is bad guest etiquette ad would really annoy me. (Accept or decline but don't be vague then suddenly choose to come after all)
  • turned up 2+ hours late
  • brought (presumably) uninvited girlfriend with him
  • took over kitchen and bossed the owner of said kitchen around cooking something smelly & totally unnecessary
  • GF hoovered up far more than a normal quantity of the beef (probably as she doesn't get to eat much meat if living with vegetarian partner) which again is just rude for any guest.
I'd be encouraging your mum to ensure that in future she asks her brother for a confirmation or be clear he can't just turn up unannounced and if GF isn't invited, be clear on that. Tell him what to bring and be clear it shouldn't be anything that needs cooking on arrival. And lastly, if she visits again, hide the leftovers!
Didydani · 17/12/2023 13:57

@LouMorris agree. Jesus christ op, did she dare to breathe around you. 🙄I've got a sister just like you who's makes a massive deal out of nothing. I never feel comfortable around her, hence I don't see her anymore. Poor girl is damned if she does, damned if she doesn't. Just because there was a buffet on offer doesn't mean she has like what was offered, so it sounds to me like she brought her own. Nothing wrong ewth that. Why were you sat watching how much she ate? Because greedy guts (you!) didn't get as much to take home as you wanted? You're that wierdo, not her. I bet you caused an atmosphere and not her.

PorpoiseWithPurpose · 17/12/2023 13:58

PorpoiseWithPurpose · 17/12/2023 13:54

Was she Australian? Because this is standard in Australia. There’s nothing weird about it.

Prawns are big in Oz at Xmas, too.

Kaisamain · 17/12/2023 14:00

Definitely weird, but also pretty funny.
At least she brought plenty and was happy to share them. I don’t think I could be too upset about it…….especially as I love garlicky prawns.

Epidote · 17/12/2023 14:00

OP she could eat half of the buffet but they weren't leftovers were food from the buffet. Getting possession of food before the meal is served is a bit OTT.

How do you buy the prawn cooked them already. I bought them whole and cooked them whole in the grill with lemon and salt. Nothing wrong here, neither, prawns taste better recently cooked.

A bit odd to make your mum cooked them and complained about the lemon. If you are bringing them raw at least bring all the ingredients. That was weird.

What did your mum said? Did she invite him time ago and he decided to come last minute? If that is the case that is other odd bit I can see.

I understand that you were already thinking about the beef sandwiches but not the beef of the prawn are the problem here. Is about nobody expected them and may look like a self invitation.
All depends on what your mum said or expected she was the host.

greensleevez · 17/12/2023 14:02

OK, we need to know where she was from OP?

YeahIsaidit · 17/12/2023 14:03

OP can I ask what you brought for everyone to share?

Didydani · 17/12/2023 14:05

@YeahIsaidit good question! I'm betting op didn't contribute anything though and just thought she'd get the first look in of the buffet, that was also to share.

UndertheCedartree · 17/12/2023 14:11

Lilithlogic · 17/12/2023 13:05

Well as they always come to me, I don't need to commit to them. I commit to not being an arse if they turn up without booking in advance

Show quote history

Oh, I see. I don't need to commit to that because I'd always be polite and friendly, regardless. I wonder why they don't invite you over? Perhaps because of your lack of manners if invited?

diddl · 17/12/2023 14:16

Sounds as if your uncle is the rude one.

Being non committal when first invited, then turning up later than others.

He probably told her it would be OK to take prawns & prepare them.

Perhaps your Mum could have said no to her brother that it was too late to come now?

No to his GF that she couldn't help as she had done everything else & to ask her bf?

I don't think it was odd to ask if there was garlic & lemon-presumably they would have brought some if the answer had been no?

UndertheCedartree · 17/12/2023 14:16

Lilithlogic · 17/12/2023 13:13

You can really tell those who would leave family standing at the door as opposed to those who would invite them in for a cup of tea.

And you can really tell those who like to see if a better offer comes along first before deciding if they'll deign to turn up to a family event.

iamwhatiam23 · 17/12/2023 14:16

You sound like my SIL op! Has people round for food and then gets really pissed off when people actually eat the food because she wants the leftovers! It's really selfish and weird behaviour and you sound really unwelcoming!

PrawnLiberationFront · 17/12/2023 14:18

No, this isn't weird. Bringing a contribution to a family gathering, especially a buffet type party, is completely normal and polite and thoughtful. I like prawns so I would have been pleased. And of course it was appropriate for her to be in the kitchen preparing them herself while your DM was sorting the rest of the food - would you prefer she just handed the raw packet to your mother and expected her to do everything? Did you bring any contribution or help in the kitchen at all?

As for the rest - being pissed off she ate from the buffet because you wanted to freeload some leftovers is obviously unreasonable.

It's also nasty and unkind of you to say she "didn't belong". She's your uncle's partner. How would you feel if you were told your DH "didn't belong"?

You also keep repeating she wasn't invited but you said in an earlier comment your DM had invited them, they just hadn't confirmed. Which ok it's a bit rude not to confirm until the last second but they are family, they brought extra food to make up for it, and you weren't the host so it wasn't your problem anyway.

Honestly the only part of this I think is slightly weird is they didn't bring their own garlic and lemon in case there was none on hand, but there may have been a perfectly good reason for it.

The problem here seems to be you don't like prawns and you don't like her but those are both you problems. I hope you didn't show it and make the poor woman feel unwelcome and uncomfortable - that would make you the poorly behaved guest here.

iamwhatiam23 · 17/12/2023 14:19

Fair enough. But she didn't really belong to be fair. But we are always happy to see mums DB and as such she is welcome. I've met her once before and I do like her I just wasn't bothered about having any extra people join us particularly yesterday

Tbh its not your house so not up to you to decide who belongs and who doesn't!

AliceOlive · 17/12/2023 14:19

Not weird enough to be thread-worthy.

I think bringing unexpected prawns maybe a little odd but you sound very unwelcoming and pretty selfish. Hope you got enough leftover beef!

MILTOBE · 17/12/2023 14:20

Lilithlogic · 17/12/2023 12:29

Is every always about how you think it should be? I imagine your mum invited extra guests so she had someone nice to spend time with.

She didn't invite them, though.

Onabench · 17/12/2023 14:21

You are being mean. Is bringing raw prawns a bit odd? Maybe. But as you say, you weren’t expecting them. There’s a really good chance she also didn’t have much time to think about what she was bringing. And how was she to know it wasn’t a family wide event?

This is obviously 100% down to your mothers brother but you are so keen to label his new GF as “weird” instead. How sad of you

AliceOlive · 17/12/2023 14:22

MILTOBE · 17/12/2023 14:20

She didn't invite them, though.

Show quote history

Why say he was noncommittal if he wasn’t invited?

DM says she did mention we were getting together to him a couple of months ago but he was non committal and didn’t bring it up again.

Butchyrestingface · 17/12/2023 14:22

Not weird enough to be thread-worthy.

That's what I think about most many threads, tbh. And if everyone took that approach, MN would be a ghost town. 😂