To see a lot of couples in this situation

[Whatyoutryingtodo]

I see quite a few couples I know irl who've been together several years, engaged, own a house and have children, but no wedding plans made.
They've often been engaged for several years too but don't have any plans to get married, and say stuff like they'll 'get round to it at some point'.

Just curious as to why this happens quite a lot, not judging as I myself am unmarried and childless due to no interested suitors!

I think people will say that the man has everything he needs so why bother marrying her... Sometimes I wonder why people consider marriage more of a commitment than children? At least with marriage you can divorce, even if it's expensive and stressful, children you're tied for life.

Yeah I wondered that too. I think some people are just making an excuse. They will spend the low to mid 4 figures on a holiday - and 10 grand on a car on finance, but say 'oooh no we can't AFFORD get married!' Such tripe. Of COURSE you can! You just don't want to. Fine. Don't. But just don't come crying to us all on here - when he leaves you, and you have fuck-all, and are entitled to fuck-all!

And anyone who thinks it's only a piece of paper needs to give their head a wobble! Get a clue FFS. You're embarrassing yourself!

There’s a worrying amount of people who don’t realise the importance of marriage and the protection it can give. If people are fully aware and have made a proper informed decision not to get married, then fine. But I despair even amongst friends who move into houses owned by their partner, pay them to live there, have kids etc.

Yep, I do roll my eyes at people who won't spend several 100 £££ on getting married, when it could save them from losing multiple 1000s of £££ in the future, and give them many more rights. Why are some people just not getting this? What's wrong with them?

@Alphabet1spaghetti2 I know very well what the fees are. I'm recently married. And not a UK citizen. Still, the statutory ceremony would've been cheap.
@Coatnshoesconundrum I didn't know there were councils like that. Even DH's local registry office in a rural backwater had several options at the 'statutory' price. If that's true, it makes it harder. But it's still cheaper than making the requisite legal arrangements!
Of course, if you're not interested in paperwork at all then it's not an issue.

Again you are missing the point. So let’s be clear I’m not for or against marriage and its benefits. I am against being totally fleeced and can see why people don’t do it.

as an aside, being married for 40 years did mil no favours when it came to her husband dying, as he forgot to change his works pension from being single with a beneficiary to being married. She would have been better off not being married, as the gains in that pension outweighed the potential loss of the state widows pension. The lesson learnt was definitely make sure any paperwork you have matches your circumstances.. because being married in the eyes of the law or not being married won’t mean a damn if your paperwork isn’t right.

@FreshWinterMorning @TurnthePotatoes just go on you local registry office websites and see how much it costs. The days of doing the deed for £50 are long gone.

Having recently gotten married I can assure you that, not only does all of that stuff break the bank. It's the 'family and friends' that cause the most issues. Endless squabbling over who was invited, who wasn't, blah blah blah.

Weddings are cheap if you're religious. Unless it's York Minister where celebs get married (even then, very cheap for parishioners) their fees are minimal. Otherwise, you need a 'venue'. Capable of holding enough people. Pubs used to do rooms cheaply with food but they're all now wise to the fact.

Nobody said £50. You just came up with that figure - also do you know what an inflation calculator is and how to use one? Depending on the time period you refer to that £50 might very well be more expensive than £100 in today's money.
My source
https://www.cheshireeast.gov.uk/register_office/fees/marriage_fees.aspx

For us it’s health. My partners health has worsened from what it was when we first got engaged two years ago. We do want a wedding, we’ve considered just going to the registry office but we’ve decided we’d prefer to get married at our wedding. There’s no rush, we live in a house we own jointly and feel like if we’re going to spend 5-6k on a wedding we want to really enjoy it. Ultimately, it wouldn’t change anything in our day to day lives so there is no hurry.

I honestly don't see the point. Maybe if we had money to throw away then we'd get married but we don't. I'm not religious either and it feels so old fashioned now. I'd rather save the money and put it toward a house. I know we could get it done on the cheap but when/if we do decide to get married, I'd like all my family to be there and have a nice party after.

Just yesterday a girl I went to school with shared a FB memory of her engagement from 2016! And she’s still engaged. I wouldn’t like to be engaged for any more than about two years, but she seems very happy.

Also it's funny to see all the posts about people not wanting to marry. That's NOT what the OP asked!
She's asking about the long-term engaged. The reading comprehension on here....

That is precisely what we did 14 years ago but I would not have child/ren without marriage.
Nothing to do with religion. Plus second time round for one of us .

I am in this situation. He was going through a divorce when we met. That was finalised. We moved in together, bought our own house and then I got pregnant a few months later. Baby came, then we got engaged. Then covid, then a cancer diagnosis (him) and now we really can’t afford the wedding we want due to the cost of living crisis. It’s not always a case of not getting around to it. Sometimes other things in life get in the way

also to add not uk law but in Ireland there is no such thing as common law when it comes to inheritance pension etc. if yoir partner dies even if your name is on the deeds you are only entitled to about 3k of their share taxes free. rest is taxed at 33 per cent. not entitled ti their pension nor widows pension. utilitys bank etc will not speak to you what so ever and same in hospitals etc. you can have spent 20 years of your life with them raised a family etc but once they die or get sick and even if you have done all what you think paperwise you are nothing. I am in my mid 40s and I dunno about other people but have been to three funerals in past month all from cancer and in their 40s. one women left with 4 young kids youngest nit even 2. I can count on more than both hands the amount of people I know diagnosed with cancer both treatable and not. it's actually frightening. to me that's what is the worry. alot of people did get marry during civid. some were because it was cheap and they could get away with small venues less people etc without family rows etc but others cause it was a frightening time. it's not just a day out it's an important legal cover for life. and hopefully it doesn't end in divorce. I loved my wedding day would do it all.over again. it was a strange but lovely feeling that day. a brilliant day and everyone is so.happy for you. I don't think you will ever epxprence that again.

In terms of costs it didn’t cost more than £2k
Maybe some people can not be bothered to organise it and money is better spent on something more urgent 🤷‍♀️

Honestly because I'd rather spend the money that would go towards a wedding on the children, nice holidays and home improvements and I don't give a flying fig about being married.

Saying that, we are getting older and I think we will have to do a bare minimum registry office for the legalities at some point.

If you are UK citizens it’s £35 each for notice and then £57 statutory ceremony for cheapest wedding. Some councils seem to charge a booking fee too around £40 which seems contrary to spirit of a capped statutory fee. The statutory slots aren’t popular times though.
So it can be done for £130.
Wills and Powers of Attorney cost more than so many in the can’t afford it category won’t have those either.

By doing that you are missing out on all the advantages of marriage, which is a legal contract and has rights and duties attached to it. There is a reason why celebrities suddenly get married on their death beds - it's called inheritance tax.

Agree, I’ve always thought that if you’re stupid enough to give up your job and have children for a man who doesn’t actively want to provide you with the protection of marriage then you don’t deserve it.

Usually the ones bleating about ‘common law marriage’. No sympathy in an age where google exists.

There are legal imperatives to get married because marriage is a legally enforceable contract. This is why, when you have children and you are not married the father has to be present and consent to his name going on the birth certificate, for example.

Thanks, good points. There is no such thing as 'common law marriage' in the UK, either. If the right paperwork is not in place on death the widowed partner can find they are entitled to nothing, if there is no will. A 'partner' is not a relative so does not inherit under the intestacy rules, either. Wills and power of Attorneys cost a lot more than a wedding, even if you don't want the really cheap version. Yes, all the bases can be covered if you do not marry, and it will cost more than a wedding. Marriage covers all the bases.

yes, it’s my point - it can be managed

So have the wedding you don't want because being married is important.

We are one of these couples. We got pregnant, bought a house, got engaged 6 years ago, had child no 2 and we are now finally getting married next year on the cheap abroad. It just wasn't a priority for us. Dunno just always something else that needed money spending on it n I'm not fussed about weddings