To see a lot of couples in this situation

[Whatyoutryingtodo]

I see quite a few couples I know irl who've been together several years, engaged, own a house and have children, but no wedding plans made.
They've often been engaged for several years too but don't have any plans to get married, and say stuff like they'll 'get round to it at some point'.

Just curious as to why this happens quite a lot, not judging as I myself am unmarried and childless due to no interested suitors!

I think people will say that the man has everything he needs so why bother marrying her... Sometimes I wonder why people consider marriage more of a commitment than children? At least with marriage you can divorce, even if it's expensive and stressful, children you're tied for life.

That’s good to know. The figure in the video was closer to £1000, which I thought was scandalous!

Sorry I didn't necessarily mean you.

No that is a load of nonsense - there is a huge gap between not trusting anyone and being financially smart.

@@Ohhoho despite this often being repeated , there is no such legal entity as next of kin in the UK.

Out of curiosity why be engaged then?
I’m fully understanding of the marriage isn’t for me viewpoint.
But if you think weddings are a waste of money why agree to be engaged to be married.

We’ve been together nearly 25 years, two adult DSs, no marriage here.

I’d had a “starter” marriage, lasted just over 2 years, he was a knob so I left, wasn’t particularly keen on doing it again.

When DP and I got together neither of us was bothered about getting married. We’re only considering it now to avoid inheritance tax, the house is our only asset, no actual cash. He moved into my house so technically my asset. It’s entirely possible that there will be nothing left if it all has to go on care home fees.

But they are married in all but name. Seen as a couple, living together, bringing up children together. That is a marriage. What they don’t have of course is the legal protection that a marriage certificate would give them. As long as they realise the risks they are taking that is fine. What annoys me is when these couples split and then demand the same treatment as married couples. Sorry but you should know the risks and take the consequences. If you want the protection of marriage then get married.

Unwatched, live a lovely life. Unmarried and happy, family happy, nearing retirement, trust yourself people.

I mean fine, but there are also financial benefits of being married right?

Funnily enough quite a lot of people like weddings.
They think is a very important day that have to go to perfection and all that stuff.

I personally would rather to change my conservatory with that money.

Been with my other half for nearly 20 years now. We've been parents and homeowners for half of that time. No plans to get married in the foreseeable future. I think we will one day, but right now it's not a priority.

This.

Also, by that way of their thinking, a birth certificate is also just a piece of paper....but that doesn't mean it's not important!

I don't know if it's the same video but I've seen several, the people book 'proper' ceremony rooms at the registry office, many of which are in pretty old buildings. They don't just go for the legal bare minimum, which is £57 and has to be offered everywhere. Then claim it's 'expensive'. lol

I’m afraid you are wrong. The rights associated with marriage come into force at the precise moment you are married.

I've known several couples, who've been together decades who've shown no interest in getting married, get married in their sixties, due to the pension issue.

"Unlike married couples, cohabiting couples do not have an automatic right to benefit from their partner's pension, unless they are named formally as a 'nominated beneficiary'. "

One of you could be dead in a car accident next day (not even joking). And it's sorted. All assets etc automatically passed on.
The sort of people who think a few hundred quid is too much money probably don't have the legal paperwork in place as that costs far more!

Not in the Uk but people go on holiday abroad and can get ill/die - next of kin can be limited to spouse or blood relatives.
It can still be an issue in England. My elderly mil lived with her boyfriend. He was taken very ill during Covid and his adult daughter (who disliked mil) said mil was just a friend. She was frozen out at hospital and she took over funeral arrangements. It caused mil a lot of upset at an already difficult time. A marriage certificate would definitely have got her more time with him in hospital and ability to arrange his funeral.

Just picture it. For one day; the dress, the tuxedo/suit, the family, the friends, the cake, the photographer (always vet those and never cheap out with them), the happiness, the feeling like a princess in your beautiful dress and the sight of your soulmate in a nice tuxedo or suit, the exchange of vows (you can customise these), the rings and the bride taking the groom's name (yes, this is optional).

None of this is going to break the bank. It is indeed a nice little earner because everyone has to make a living, especially with how expensive everything is now.

Are men and women really so disinterested in the magic of their own wedding day? Men and women, particularly women, literally dream about this stuff when they're children. And to brush off weddings as 'circuses' imo is crude.

Of course you only marry if you both know you want to spend the rest of your lives together, and it's not a decision to be taken lightly as it's a huge commitment. The same holds true for having children together. Marriage takes work and it can be hard going, just like becoming a parent. If you love each other to make babies together, there is no question on the worth of being married.

This is not me saying people absolutely should get married or else. This is not me getting angry at people for choosing to not get married or for not prioritising marriage, I just don't for even one second buy into this notion that marriage is outdated, trite and pointless. But inevitably I'm old-fashioned and from the 1950s with internalised misogyny or some similar nonsense 🙄

steps down from soapbox

@TurnthePotatoes there are certainly cheaper options however, as I mentioned in my previous post, some councils only have one registry office with one ceremony per week at that price, obviously
to meet the legal requirement. This is the case at the nearest major city to me. So then the wedding escalation happens with decisions becoming more complex. Do you travel to get the cheapest available ceremony and take a day off work or pay some more and get a closer ceremony? It gets complicated and expensive quicker than you may think. I can totally see why people are out off by that.

@TurnthePotatoes its comprised of fees for notice of marriage, the booking fee, and ceremony fees (the latter vary depending on day of week and time of day). If you want to do it at another approved venue, then you’re looking at starting from £600. It’s even more if you aren’t a born a bred uk resident!

I'm one of those people.
Honestly don't want a wedding
But at the same time don't want to do it quick and simple and not feel great or look back and regret not doing the nice dress, etc

I think when we have money to spare we will elope but only if I'm confident enough to enjoy it

Not true. It’s really easy to get POA. Which even married couples should have.

😂 @VolvoFan really? I’m glad people enjoy their wedding but honestly!

I’ve been engaged for 3 1/2 years, bought a house and had a baby in that time which imo are much bigger commitments. We don’t want a big flashy wedding so will probably get round to going to a registry office/ maybe a random lochside when DC is older and can be actively involved (and also for more practical legal reasons).
we both earn similar amounts so it’s not about either protecting financial assets.

“Of course you only marry if you both know you want to spend the rest of your lives together”

Think. You mean think. Half of all marriages end in divorce remember.