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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my SIL to delete unflattering photo of me from WhatsApp group

31 replies

LovelyQuiche · 17/12/2023 04:06

My SIL has shared a really unflattering photo of me on our family Whstsapp group, of me holding her then 2 year old. Pic was taken 16 years ago. It’s a really unflattering angle so I have a prominent double chin when I wouldn’t normally have one, I’ve got smudged make up on under my eyes and my hair is greasy. I’m not smiling or anything - I’m like mid speech. I definitely wouldn’t have known she was taking a pic. And I definitely wouldn’t have consented to her sharing it. There’s 9 of us in the group.

I feel quite upset about it. Maybe because I’m feeling a bit shit about my looks recently (5 months post partum, sleep deprived, hair falling out and looking shit)

She has anxiety though and is suffering with it at the moment, so I’m a bit worried to ask her to take it down. She put it on there at 11pm so I can’t do anything about it.
AIBU to ask her to delete it off the group?

OP posts:
AliceOlive · 17/12/2023 04:11

Did she just put it there recently? I’d take it, crop it so it’s just the baby and post it. Then ask her to delete it. I’d even ask her within the group if you are comforted doing so.

Birdcar · 17/12/2023 04:11

Just delete it off your own WhatsApp so you can't see it and try to forget about it. You're being too critical of yourself.

WandaWonder · 17/12/2023 04:14

Do you really think others actuthink anything at all about it, just delete what you want yourself and move on

determinedtomakethiswork · 17/12/2023 04:24

Not a coincidence that she didn't post an unflattering one of herself. I would definitely ask her to take it down.

TommyNever · 17/12/2023 04:30

It's very likely your SIL had no idea you'd be upset by that photo. People often think they look particularly awful in photos when those who know them just think they look much the same as they normally do.

If you ask her to take it down, tell her it's because you're feeling very sensitive about your appearance at the moment and it's causing you anxiety.

Original poster
LovelyQuiche · 17/12/2023 04:41

Thing is I’m always mindful when sharing photos of others that they’re not particularly unflattering. I’m no super model, I’m adequate levels of attractiveness I would say but this photo is a really bad one of me. I’m embarassed by it

OP posts:
Redglitter · 17/12/2023 04:47

Youre probably too late to ask her now. Most people will have already opened the message & seen it. I imagine by the time you get hold of her to ask her the rest will have seen it. I'd do as pp said and delete it off your chat & photo folder & forget about it

Kitkatcatflap · 17/12/2023 04:48

I would never post a photograph of someone without seeking their permission first. My children were 8 when I first dipped my into social media and even then I would ask them it was okay to post a harmless photo to friends and family.

Her anxiety does not hive her a get out card for bad manners. If it's making you feel uncomfortable ask her to take it down.

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/12/2023 04:49

TommyNever · 17/12/2023 04:30

It's very likely your SIL had no idea you'd be upset by that photo. People often think they look particularly awful in photos when those who know them just think they look much the same as they normally do.

If you ask her to take it down, tell her it's because you're feeling very sensitive about your appearance at the moment and it's causing you anxiety.

This. I would imagine your sil did this because she wants to emphasise the bond between you and her dd, no?

If she’s suffering from anxiety, I wouldn’t personally. The photo is out there now and will soon be forgotten by the other participants. Maybe post a lovely pic of you and your baby? Pop a bobble hat on so your hair is covered and go for a walk to the local park / the countryside.

lamppost123 · 17/12/2023 04:54

This photo I would think is special because it's her young child and you..... special times.

Can you make a joke of how you looked?

mjf981 · 17/12/2023 04:56

I mean this kindly OP - but no-one else will care. If it really bothers you, do as others have suggested and just delete it. But if it were me I'd just ignore and forget about it. Life is really too short to get worked up over this.

WhereIsBebèsChambre · 17/12/2023 05:10

lamppost123 · 17/12/2023 04:54

This photo I would think is special because it's her young child and you..... special times.

Can you make a joke of how you looked?

Definitely, everyone else will be thinking of the (recently?) turned 18 yo being a teeny toddler.

Nervynellis · 17/12/2023 05:10

This picture is 16 years old? Don’t be so vain! It’s only shared with a small group.

TenPenceMix · 17/12/2023 05:20

Don't make a big thing of it, deleting it won't mean it disappear. Post a load of photos so that it disappears far down the conversation thread.
Absolutely understand your point of view but like others have said it won't have crossed anyone's mind, it's a snapshot of how you looked that day and we all look like shit sometimes.

TenPenceMix · 17/12/2023 05:21

*make it disappear

Mongrelsrbeautiful · 17/12/2023 05:23

She's been looking at baby not you. Just laugh and move on. Put a little OMG look at me haha message on. It's only family ,, 90

lucya66 · 17/12/2023 05:25

Explore how a bad photo can make you feel so strongly. The photo exists, you have to accept that. You don’t have to look at it.

it has other people in it and presumably you all consented to having the picture taken. You can’t ban it or avoid it forever.

just accept and let go. 💐

Nicole1111 · 17/12/2023 05:42

Take this as a sign you need to work on your self esteem, not as a sign that you need to control your environment to avoid anything that triggers uncomfortable feelings in you.

Vegetus · 17/12/2023 05:43

Get over yourself.

HarlanPepper · 17/12/2023 05:51

determinedtomakethiswork · 17/12/2023 04:24

Not a coincidence that she didn't post an unflattering one of herself. I would definitely ask her to take it down.

This is such a reach! Really you have absolutely no idea whether she has even clocked it's an unflattering photo. It seems more likely to me that she genuinely likes the picture and felt it suitable for the group because it shows the longstanding bond between the OP and her niece. And it's a family whatsapp group, not public settings on Facebook.

Panaa · 17/12/2023 06:05

She has anxiety though and is suffering with it at the moment, so I’m a bit worried to ask her to take it down. She put it on there at 11pm so I can’t do anything about it.

If she's suffering from anxiety then I would say she'd be more likely to not want to do anything that might cause someone else to feel anxious or embarrassed so she'll hopefully just remove it without a fuss.

Justfinking · 17/12/2023 06:16

I don't really understand why you're bothered with a photo that old, but just ask her if it bothers you so much

ElevenSeven · 17/12/2023 06:18

16 years, really! Get over yourself.

susiedaisy1912 · 17/12/2023 06:20

Nervynellis · 17/12/2023 05:10

This picture is 16 years old? Don’t be so vain! It’s only shared with a small group.

This.

OPKQ · 17/12/2023 06:24

It’s probably too late.
My phone automatically saves photos that get sent to my via WhatsApp. I often open my gallery and wonder why the most recent photo is a random picture of my niece or nephew, then I check the group chat and there it is.