Court ordered overnights with my abusive ex a similar distance away when my youngest was 6 months and breast fed. He had one overnight then upped to two when baby was 7 months. This was because judge decided I was too resistant to overnights as I said kids too young. The system is so fucking disgusting it serves fathers not the children.
If it's already planned to go up to 8 hours a visit I'd suggest 2-3 months of that then one overnight with the agreement to re look at it once child settles. I doubt you will get away with that but I'd try because as you say you can't tell when child is ready.
Look up child maintenance amounts as it depends on overnights. If you give two overnights every other week/equivalent to one overnight a week the maintenance reduces this May b part of his motivation. Offer just enough to reduce his maintenance that may satisfy ex.
I did stand my ground on handover location. We had somewhere public close to me and I had someone else do it. Ex fought most over this as he wanted me doing the travel. Stand your ground in this. I'd fight it more than the amount of contact because in my case ex doesn't want to see kids he wants to control me. I'm glad I did because driving that far every other week costs a fortune and it impacts your life- you can't enjoy your child free time as you spend it driving. You can't see friends or have a life or spend time with a nee partner as your ex contact sabotages it. Obviously don't use the need for your own life as your reasoning for not doing the drive but honestly stand your ground. If you have the history of abuse accepted by court and the need for third party handovers then you can say if it's not local to you finding appropriate third party kid knows well enough will be too difficult and will have a negative impact on contact. Keep child focused in everything you say.
Another thing to consider is Christmas and holiday contact. Usually a court order says to split them but doesn't tell you how it expects you to agree between yourselves- this just gives ex more control over you. I insisted all holiday contact would be set out in court order, as Christmas was over the weekend and fell on his weekend for 3 years running I argued we don't do extra holiday contact the kids spend Christmas with the parent who's regular weekend it is. As I was giving away 3 Christmas in a row the judge ordered this. (Ex then cancelled 2 out of those 3 Christmas last minute). Have a think about it. Maybe something like alternative years Christmas Eve 1pm to Boxing Day 1pm. You want the times in the order. If Christmas falls immediately before or after ex regular weekend then you have to decide if you argue he misses that weekend or accept 4 nights with your child away. Look at the calendar and work out where Christmas falls in the next few years in relation to who has the closest weekend.
For holiday contact again I argued we couldn't agree amoung ourselves. I gave ex one half term of his choice but that it would be the same each year and he chose which and that went into the order. and 2 weeks I'm summer- with the condition he give me 2 or 3 months notice which weeks (can't remember now how long exactly) it wasn't to be an agreement it was his choice but he had to give me reasonable notice. I think the first year it had to be two separate weeks as kids hadn't been away. Again ex not bothered with his holiday contract despite fighting for it. I think the first extended stay was agreed to be 4 days rather than the full week (it was the half term) so you could suggest the first couple of extended holiday contacts are 4 nights before it's increased to a week.
I am certain that by giving so much of my Christmas time with the kids and by insisting the order set everything out so he could not use the kids contact to control and abuse me the judge saw my genuine fear and gave the order we needed if I had been picky and argued I need to see the kids over Christmas I would have ended up arguing with ex over Christmas contact every year which he would have loved. I'm also certain that because I reply "we will follow the court order kids will be available for collection x time x date as per court order" then I don't respond to repeated attempts to draw me in I've escaped years of his continuing control and abuse and the kids have benefited as they cannot be used as pawns to the same extent I see others suffer with these holiday contact "as agreed between parties" orders. Do everything you can not to have that wording it's cart balance to mess with your life.
At the end of the day it will be a judge who makes a decision on if your proposal is reasonable. The judge is a human being and they vary as all people do. I've known people get much better orders than mine and much worse (all of us are DV sufferers we met on the freedom program). Judges have too much power in my opinion. But keep child focused on all your arguments and don't be picky about arguing over small details it just pisses them off and your order will be worse.
Good luck. It's horrible and traumatic going through court but hold onto the fact once it's over and done you will have that court order to protect you from future abuse and control. When I went through it I thought it was horrible and I was bereft at loosing my kids at the weekends but as time has passed I'm immensely glad we have the order initially it did do harm to the kids they were too young to go but in the end it's protected me from his continuing abuse and protected them from being used for that abuse. I actually enjoy my weekends off now as it turned out the baby has significant needs and is disabled so I need the break, ex gives kids to his gf or mother to care for generally and while they are not great they are good enough so I don't worry about them like I use to when he was doing it. Once you get free from court that could be the case for you too. See it as him loosing his control not you loosing your child. The best thing for your child is him not using contact to abuse you