Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh said he recorded me and showed to others

104 replies

Poorstickman · 15/12/2023 15:18

We had a huge argument at the weekend, we both said lots of nasty things and it was really awful 😞 I’ve tried and tried to save things but he always shuts me down and will never talk about things or hear me out. Whilst he was shouting me down, I started to get more upset and was shouting back and he said that he’d recorded me when we had an argument before and showed people and they agree I’m crazy
I feel sick as know I’m not
Aibu or is this a really wrong thing to do?

OP posts:
chipsandpeas · 15/12/2023 15:19

id actually divorce if that happened to me

Sapphire387 · 15/12/2023 15:21

Do you actually want to stay in this marriage?

ManateeFair · 15/12/2023 15:23

he said that he’d recorded me when we had an argument before and showed people and they agree I’m crazy

I strongly doubt that he actually did record you and show it to people. This sounds like a nasty, immature lie calculated to hurt and scare you rather than a real thing he actually did.

However, whether he actually did this or not, he sounds like a horrible man and I think you would be better off out of this relationship.

sonjadog · 15/12/2023 15:24

His recording you is a marriage ending thing to do. I would end it with someone who did this.

Beezknees · 15/12/2023 15:24

YANBU. For me that would be the end.

Tomatoketchupred · 15/12/2023 15:24

That’s called reactive abuse. Not ok.

BackAgain2023 · 15/12/2023 15:25

Regardless of who's at fault, this marriage is over.

lljkk · 15/12/2023 15:26

Would the responses be same if OP were female & had had to content with abusive shouty nasty words from a male partner?

Spaghettieis · 15/12/2023 15:27

Why are you trying to save a dysfunctional relationship with a man who thinks so little of you?

Pallisers · 15/12/2023 15:27

BackAgain2023 · 15/12/2023 15:25

Regardless of who's at fault, this marriage is over.

I agree.

Frasers · 15/12/2023 15:28

I think it’s a wrong thing to do, but if I’m brutally honest, if a man is shouting at a woman and being abusive or scaring them, then people do often advise record it, as evidence of your treatment,

there are two sides to this, the only thing clear is the marriage is over.

Frasers · 15/12/2023 15:28

lljkk · 15/12/2023 15:26

Would the responses be same if OP were female & had had to content with abusive shouty nasty words from a male partner?

Exactly.

Beezknees · 15/12/2023 15:31

Frasers · 15/12/2023 15:28

I think it’s a wrong thing to do, but if I’m brutally honest, if a man is shouting at a woman and being abusive or scaring them, then people do often advise record it, as evidence of your treatment,

there are two sides to this, the only thing clear is the marriage is over.

Record it to report it to the authorities. Not to show everyone just to talk about how "crazy" your partner is.

Branleuse · 15/12/2023 15:31

i think this would be a red line for me.

Beezknees · 15/12/2023 15:32

lljkk · 15/12/2023 15:26

Would the responses be same if OP were female & had had to content with abusive shouty nasty words from a male partner?

Oh come on. If her husband was genuinely scared then he wouldn't be telling her that he's showed all his mates and they're all calling her crazy.

Olika · 15/12/2023 15:33

I would divorce him for that

Iloveabaileys · 15/12/2023 15:34

Why would you want to be with someone who thinks youre crazy and has to record you to show his friends. What a wuss, if he really thinks that why is he with you .

From what you've said ,he sounds manipulative.

Iloveabaileys · 15/12/2023 15:37

He can't be that scared of her to call her crazy and tell her he's played the argument to friends .. why is the sexist card being played ..

TomatoSandwiches · 15/12/2023 15:39

It's over, he doesn't want to work on it, he is recording you reacting to his behaviour to try and set the narrative he prefers, there's no coming back from this.

See a solicitor and get your ducks in a row.

Tinkerbyebye · 15/12/2023 15:41

Leave. It’s over if he is prepared to treat you with such disrespect he doesn’t listen to you, records you and shares with others

just leave

NoTouch · 15/12/2023 15:45

BackAgain2023 · 15/12/2023 15:25

Regardless of who's at fault, this marriage is over.

Absolutely.

Either you are abusing him and he is seeking help because he cannot decide if it is "normal" the way you argue with him. Or he is being abusive to you by ridiculing you and getting kicks out it.

Either way, it is not healthy so end it.

ArsenicInTheAppleTart · 15/12/2023 15:47

It’s one of those situations where I’d love to hear his side. People who absolutely flip their lids in arguments rarely want to admit it.

I once recorded a boyfriend who was verbally abusive to me. I wanted my friend to hear it. I’m glad I did it.

Thatswhy11 · 15/12/2023 15:47

I've had personal experience of this but it was my ex boyfriend at the time. He is an ex for many reasons. It is not OK to record someone if someone was in real danger they could A leave the house or B call the police. I think its twisted OP sorry.

mottytotty · 15/12/2023 15:47

He's a hypocrite because he's saying it's ok for him to shout but not you.

Tell the fucker you've recorded him too.

mottytotty · 15/12/2023 15:48

ArsenicInTheAppleTart · 15/12/2023 15:47

It’s one of those situations where I’d love to hear his side. People who absolutely flip their lids in arguments rarely want to admit it.

I once recorded a boyfriend who was verbally abusive to me. I wanted my friend to hear it. I’m glad I did it.

Did you miss that he shouted OP down?