Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh said he recorded me and showed to others

104 replies

Poorstickman · 15/12/2023 15:18

We had a huge argument at the weekend, we both said lots of nasty things and it was really awful 😞 I’ve tried and tried to save things but he always shuts me down and will never talk about things or hear me out. Whilst he was shouting me down, I started to get more upset and was shouting back and he said that he’d recorded me when we had an argument before and showed people and they agree I’m crazy
I feel sick as know I’m not
Aibu or is this a really wrong thing to do?

OP posts:
bonzaitree · 15/12/2023 16:48

I would leave if anyone did this to me.

It’s abusive sorry.

Iloveabaileys · 15/12/2023 16:49

If this is a habit , where he gets nasty, calls you crazy and takes no accountability it does sound a bit narcissistic.
(Speaking from experience). They never like to take blame for their behaviour. If you Google it and find you are ticking the boxes , run and keep running . Trust me , the damage it causes you is unreal .

If he's not it's still mental abuse by going by what you've said.

User7477 · 15/12/2023 16:51

I bet he didn't record the parts where he was in the wrong recorded you to show people to play the victim when really he is the one in the wrong my ex partner did this to me once or twice before he was toxic enjoyed making me react and look like the bad one

lljkk · 15/12/2023 16:51

Beezknees · 15/12/2023 15:32

Oh come on. If her husband was genuinely scared then he wouldn't be telling her that he's showed all his mates and they're all calling her crazy.

Show quote history

Scared is not only response. There's also "Gosh I don't know if this is unreasonable. What do you think?" reasons to ask your friends what they think.

GHSP · 15/12/2023 16:54

OP <hugs>

Its time for you to get out of this relationship.

Newsenmum · 15/12/2023 16:55

Why or why do you want to make this work?

ThreeRingCircus · 15/12/2023 16:57

There is no coming back, this is a relationship that is over.

You are both shouting at one another and saying unpleasant things. He is swearing at you and calling you crazy, you are upset and confused. None of this is normal and it sounds totally toxic.

Saying he'd recorded you without your knowledge (whether he did or not) is the point of no return. You need to end this relationship.

Sugarsun · 15/12/2023 16:59

I don’t understand why you’re still with him.

It sounds like you’re both arguing constantly and now he’s saying he’s recorded you.

It needs to end.

mummymeister · 15/12/2023 16:59

Whats your point in posting this OP? To let off steam and get it out of your system?

No normal person records the person they are supposed to love more than anyone else when they are shouting and hollering and shows it to other people. Absolutely no one. Ever.

If you dont know this is wrong then either you have no moral compass or he has systematically beaten you into submission where you have no self confidence or feeling of self worth. I think its the latter.

If this has happened then there really is only one option and thats to go isnt. will you do that? No, probably not.

StaunchMomma · 15/12/2023 16:59

See how his tactics are all about convincing you you're the unreasonable one?

That's what abusive men do. It can't possibly be his fault, right?

I doubt he did record you but if he actually did and showed it to his mates, well, that's a level of disrespect that would be a deal breaker, for me.

MILTOBE · 15/12/2023 17:00

Can you remember an argument where he was strangely quiet? He's not going to record himself kicking off or saying anything horrible.

In any case, it would be game over for me. He's a nasty man and I wouldn't stay married to him.

What's your housing/family/work situation like?

Evilcold · 15/12/2023 17:05

Please leave if you can. Also get evidence if you can.

Bananawotsit · 15/12/2023 17:09

Yes this would be the end for me too. If he recorded it to show other people because I am abusive and he is scared or he recorded it to show people how “crazy” I am to get them on side either one is a wake up call that the relationship just isn’t right. I’d be mortified/horrified.

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 15/12/2023 17:11

So he's trying to convince you you're crazy. He's gaslighting you.

Whether he has recorded and or shown any one or not is beside the point. The very thought alone is absolutely disgusting.

Divorce. This is not a man you want to spend your life with.

There are men out there who listen, and who want to be listened to in return.

Bananawotsit · 15/12/2023 17:11

Or even if he just said to shock you and to shut you up. That is awful too. He isn’t worth it.

FloweryName · 15/12/2023 17:13

So he’s shouting you down but you’re only shouting back? That doesn’t sound right, something is missing.

Whichever of you is the craziest doesn’t really matter. If the relationship is at the point where you’re shouting and saying nasty things to each other, you need some time apart.

zeibesaffron · 15/12/2023 17:14

Thats abusive - and it would end my marriage. Leave him he’s a twat!

RampantIvy · 15/12/2023 17:15

It’s actually him that says all the hateful words and swearing and then I end up nearly at breaking point and get really upset, it’s then he says I’m insane in the head etc

He is gaslighting you as well as being abusive. I think you should seriously reconsider this relationship.

bottleofbeer · 15/12/2023 17:16

This used to happen to me. I'd be goaded to the point I lost it and did act demented. Nothing I said would stop the pure nastiness and he would record my reaction to prove I've got a massive personality disorder and I'm mad.

I still sort of believe it and yes we are divorced.

BrightGreenMoonBuggy · 15/12/2023 17:20

It’s a dead relationship, op. If he tells you that you’re mad and is filming you without your knowledge to show to people then that’s evidence that there’s no trust or respect from him in your relationship, even if it’s a hollow threat. You know you’re not crazy and that you are unable to discuss things without him trying to shut you down or shout. He’s not interested in working together to save things - he wants to apportion blame, hurt you, worry, belittle you and make you feel ganged up on. He’s worthy of nothing more than your contempt if he’s telling you he’s filmed you at your worst and shown it to other people. He should be defending you, not humiliating you. The relationship has clearly run its course and you don’t make each other happy any more.

JaneyGee · 15/12/2023 17:23

As others have remarked, it sounds incredibly immature. It’s the action of a spoilt, self-centred child who assumes he’s always in the right.

LifeExperience · 15/12/2023 17:24

That is an extremely vile, disrespectful form of betrayal. I would not be willing to continue a relationship with someone who has such contempt for me.

Aquamarine1029 · 15/12/2023 17:24

I hope you decided that you want more for your life than this shit. Your husband is an abusive pig. I really hope there aren't children involved in this disaster.

ChateauDuMont · 15/12/2023 17:44

Just split up and move on.

Chickenpie35 · 15/12/2023 17:44

I'd have packed his bags in an instant... or my own and that would be it for me.

What a vile thing to do

Narcissistic little s**t I hope you see this for what it is & that you can accept it soon although it will always hurt.