To wonder how on earth to raise a child bilingual?

[EstherE]

DH is from country X, I am English and we live in England. DH’s family only speak their language, my family only speak English. I speak X language but not perfectly fluently. We want to move back to X, but it won’t be for ten years or more.

How can we raise our child to be bilingual so they can communicate with their paternal family integrate when we move back? I don’t know anyone who’s done it successfully, and we can’t send our child to an X language school as they’re only in London, or boarding schools.

I know loads of bilingual and trilingual children (most of DH’s nieces and nephews are native Gaelic speakers).

Each of you just speak to the child in your native tongue. They’ll do the rest! Kids can pick up languages like no one’s business!

OPOL (sorry!). And big up the resources, TV and activities in the minority language.

It doesnt mean it has failed. When they exposed to the other language eg holiday camp, time with family it will come . Their brain is familiar. Find opportunities for peer group in the language in holidays etc .

Our local University has a research centre for multilingualism, a friend has two multilingual children in our primary school who volunteers for research projects. You might be close by or have something similar in your area? or it might offer some help? https://research.reading.ac.uk/celm/

Husband speaks in x language to child you speak English

radio stations from x country

artoons and books from x country

She's 4, that's really common. Keep it up.

We are doing this with our kids. My DH speaks French, I speak English. Our children are not fully bilingual, as my DH speaks English to me and sometimes to our kids. However, it has had an effect. The best thing is for your DH only ever to speak his mother tongue in front of them, even if he is speaking to you. Also, although expensive it is good to get books in the foreign language. You could also have a rule that they are only allowed to watch cartoons in the foreign language - Netflix allows you to select language for eg. When they are bigger it is good if you can find Saturday/after school classes in the language (for children of native speakers). We are in London but there are these kindergarten type classes for Polish, German, French, Mandarin and probably tons of others as well. The other point is to persevere even if they prefer English. My DD literally never responded in French until she was 4 but now she does (she is still 4). If you don't give up you will see results.

The point about children not responding on one or other language is not unusual. It's all part of growing up, it can change from week to week, or after a visit from Granny, or if you socialise with another family with the same language sets. When visiting or socialising with our "other language" friends while living in the UK, we agreed with them that we would only speak that language, so if my daughter wanted a drink, or ask a question, she had to do so in that language. We played games with her, made out that this was a secret language that only me and the other mum knew, and generally made it light and natural rather than being strict. Keep up the language, but be flexible and conscious of the situation.

It continues into teenage years. I know many bilingual teenagers here who decide from one day to the next that they only want to speak the "cool" language and suddenly can't speak an "uncool" language. This seems to last a month or so, then the other language is suddenly in vogue again. It's the same as small kids who are interested in Barbie one week, then suddenly want a pony, then change their minds a week later as another thing takes their interest.

Just shrug and persevere - they'll eventually thank you for doing so.

We deliberately decided not to do OPOL as from experience of friends doing it, I found it quite unnatural for a home setting and most of the children ended up rejecting the non-native language anyway (they all understood it, just wouldn't speak it).
We have English as our home language, although we live in Germany and DH is German. We all switch to German in a German speaking environment or when we have German speakers over. The DC have lots of German friends (obviously) but also see my English-speaking friends too, so English was never just a weird language that mum speaks.
Both DS are fluent in both languages and happy to speak either. It's worked really really well for us. It meant that DH had to brush up on his English a LOT, but that's been a benefit for him too.

We speak one language at home and the other language outside home. We did it when we lived overseas and now back in the UK since 2015, we switched it around the other way.

DS 12 is bilingual.

My husband is from a different country. I am British and we live in the UK. My husband only speaks to the kids in his native language and they are only allowed to watch TV and films in his language, never in English. This is easy with Netflix. The kids answer my husband in English but speak pretty fluently to this family as they know their grandparents and cousins can’t speak English. I works very well.

I wouldn't be considering this a failure at all. If the child can fully understand the other language, even if they respond in English then surely that is being bilingual?

I have four bilingual children. They all responded in the language they were using at school/nursery when they started - it’s normal. That doesn’t mean that it has failed. You have to persevere and keep responding in the language you want the children to learn. It’s hard work and it takes years but it works. If you give up, then yes, it will fail.

It depends on the language, some of the letter sounds don't exist in English which makes some words harder to say. So be a clear speaker. I think it's a win I'd they understand and try to talk.

I'll just add that OPOL was only necessary for the first 3 years or so, if that. It was entirely natural for our child to hear two languages in the house and we used both languages more as she grew and we became less strict - not that we were ever "strict" 😒

It probably also helped that we were both fluent in both languages, so as time went by conversations naturally took place in both languages, and that we were able to socialise with other families, could have a teenage babysitter who would read and play in the other language and so on.

What I'm trying to say is don't overthink it. Kids are like sponges and even if they don't respond or have off-days, the language is still going in.

A lady I knew on our first move abroad spoke language a which was her mother tongue and both she and her husband spoke English. When she was on her own with her DC she only spoke to them in language A , and when they were all together they spoke English.

At 15 and 18 mine are pretty much bilingual. DH was religious about only speaking to them in his language. Still does. I speak his language fluently as well which probably helps. I did have to make an effort to learn it but now we jump between both languages at home, sometimes within the one conversation. DS has just gone to work in Italy., got the job through being bilingual. Well worth it.

My ex and I raised our 2 children bilingually. He is from a European country and I'm British, we did OPOL, but were really strict about it. If you are speaking to Daddy it has to be in his language. Both children went through phases of not wanting to speak it, but we both stuck to the plan, and now as teenagers the children both love that they speak another language fluently.

I used to live abroad in a big expat community. Loads of bilingual adults and kids. It's a case of each parent only using their mother tongue when the other parent isn't present

Why only when the other parent isn't present?

1 parent 1 language and don't give up when they start to reply only in English, in your case (the language of their school etc). The X speaker just continues to only engage with them in X language. By the time they're 7 or 8 you've basically got X language deep into their brain and it'll always be there and can easily be reactived even if they don't use it much, because of how our brains work when we learn languages. It's also good to spend time in X-speaking country where possible as this makes the language feel truly useful and imperative to being understood and taking part in society and culture, even if it's just long holidays.

Bilingualism is such a gift, how wonderful that you can give it to your children!

One parent, one language. We (and so our daughter) have a different tongue than our son in law and grandchildren. They live in the UK, we don't. She always speaks her native tongue with the children and asks us to do the same. They understand us perfectly and speak it a bit. If ever they would move to our country they would become fluent in our speech in a few months. Our oldest grandchild, 4, says it's his super-power! He can name things in both languages!

I don' know why people find this so hard. My mum spoke to me in one language and my dad in another. English was my main language but what I learnt from my mum allowed me to understand relatives. It in no way caused me any issues at school.

OPOL works if you are very strict.
We live in the UK and I am the one with the foreign language. My DC are 8/9 and will still translate to me what people say in English when we are out even though they know I work here / they hear me speak in shops etc. but in their minds this is not my language.
One mistake people often do is to translate what they say to their DC, so your language + english, to make sure they get it. Don’t do that. Just pretend you don’t speak english. If they answer in english act if if you didn’t understand.

We found it easy but DH and I had also grown up with more than one language.
With DT’s I spoke to them in my language, Flemish and DH spoke to them in French. Although we lived in London, English wasn’t spoken at home - DT’s learnt English at nursery and then went to an international school. English has always been their weakness language although both went to Uni in the uk.
DS has a graduate job in Amsterdam and DD is working for the EU in Brussels and used multiple languages each day.