To wonder how on earth to raise a child bilingual?

[EstherE]

DH is from country X, I am English and we live in England. DH’s family only speak their language, my family only speak English. I speak X language but not perfectly fluently. We want to move back to X, but it won’t be for ten years or more.

How can we raise our child to be bilingual so they can communicate with their paternal family integrate when we move back? I don’t know anyone who’s done it successfully, and we can’t send our child to an X language school as they’re only in London, or boarding schools.

It’s usually as simple as you each speaking to him in your native tongue!

Watching with interest. Same situation bit we are late by 10 years to the party. Dh isn't home enough for him to speak in his language enough. And I can but not fluent.

They have started duolingo which actually has helped! But not sure of your kids ages.

I guess if they are small maybe say in English then follow up straight away with the second language. So this is a banana then say in x language?

Hopefully someone else will come along and give some good advice!

Usual rule is 1 parent 1 language and go from there.

1 parent 1 language

Your husband should speak nothing but his language to your children. And be quite strict with himself about it. You could speak it too. How old are the children? It’s always best to do this when they’re little.

Does your DH only speak to them in his language?

It's extremely difficult. I'm in a similar situation where they only have one parent speaking to them in X language, and they understand everything but their actual speech is 95% made up of their home country language.

We’re a trilingual family. I’m from Belgium and DH is French Canadian. DT’s grew up in London. DH and I speak to DT’s in our own languages and DT’s learnt English (very slow to speak English) at nursery. They went to an international school in London so that we could maintain our family languages
For your children to be bilingual, I’d suggest OPOL - one parent one language.

SIL has done it highly successfully with two DNs, they live abroad with regularish visits back here, very strict is the key that when little Mum only ever speaks one language Dad speaks the other to them.
Plenty of information online, suggest you get reading! A fantastic gift to give to your DC

Also 1 parent 1 language needs to start immediately when they're born. DN fully understood me speaking English to her at 18m, enough to follow instructions, but didn't speak back in English until much older

Consistency. You have to have a rule and stick to it, like 1 parent 1 language, or x language in the home when just you and y language outside the home. You can also do TV and music in that language. It's harder when it comes to reading and writing though and unless your husband has experience of this, you may need a tutor. Get family to visit for extended periods to increase exposure.
It might be worth considering an au pair or something from that country to increase the exposure to that language.

In my experience where the dad speaks it, the child is less likely to speak it though can understand it, unless you put an absolute load of effort in and are really strict about not answering in English etc

Both speak to him in your native languages. He'll respond initially probably in english as thats probably what he'll hear most of, but that's fine, older he gets mire he'll respond in both languages. If possible, and obviously it depends on language and where you live, Id consider schooling if possible in language of other country , or sports, music, etc classes, clubs in that language. You should be able to access kids cartoons etc in other language and also provide plenty books on both languages.

As others have said one parent one language from when they are born. Mine started speaking both languages simultaneously. Buy books in the language you don't live in as well as audiobooks and with the internet you should have easy access to children's programmes in the language. When you visit the other country see if you can find à holiday club for them to go to so they can mix with children who speak it.

I know quite a few bilingual kids - eg my friend is English, her husband is Spanish and the child speaks both languages fluently. They've lived in both Spain and England. I also have an acquaintance whose husband is French, and their children are also bilingual. In their case, they live in France, so the kids speak French at school and outside, but in the home both parents (including the French dad) speak to them in English so they maintain fluency in both languages.

Have language x as your home language. English will come naturally from living in the UK.

My DS is bilingual. We have English at home and he learnt the native language through nursery, school, tv and friends.

My sisters children are bilungual. Their dad spoke to them in his language which was also the language of the country they live in and my sister spoke to them in English. She also speaks the language of the country they live in too and her husband speaks excellent English. The key for her was sonsistency. She always spoke English. Dad spoke the other langauge.

They were always able to understand English and started to speak it when they were 6 or 7. Their adults now and speak English fluently
My other sister's husband is from a different country but lives here now but they, sadly havent' raised their kids to speak his language at all which I think is a pity.

I’m bilingual English/German and have lived in both countries. My parents did it by speaking exclusively the other language at home. We also had television in the “home” language and spent regular holidays there. You just need to be very strict about not speaking English at home and not engaging in English media (books, tv) as much as possible.

Thanks everyone. I’ve got friends who tried one parent, one language and without exception it’s failed once the children are at school. The children understand the other language but will only respond in English (or whatever is taught at school).

I’m wondering if we need to only speak to the baby in X language and only use X language at home. If that’s the case I really need to brush up on it as DH and I speak English to each other currently.

I know several families have done this.

Dad needs to only ever speak his language to dc, including in front of you, and dc will learn to respond in that language.

You speak English.

It helps if there's a culture where you all only speak the other language when in that country or when with that family.

Also if DC will attend English school, you need to identify ways for them to use their second language outside school. Language classes or clubs are widely available, also put tv shows and films on in second language.

A child just learns 2 different words for things. The grammar comes from the conversation. Both speak to her in your own language

We have a one parent, one language approach pretty much since birth. It's worked well for us and DC can communicate with extended family when we visit so it can be successful.

Is it a relatively “common” language? If so, would it be possible to access nursery/school taught in that language? Admittedly many of these schools are in London so it does depend on where you live.

This is not failure. As long as the child keeps their comprehension skills ticking over by needing to understand the parent who is speaking that language it is fine if they stop speaking it for a while. The language knowledge will still be there if/when they want it. The key is to keep going with OPOL even when the children choose to speak one language. This is super common.

This is going to land heavily on your dh. how much of the childcare is he going to do? will he be around during the week? if he is and the child will spend time with him every single day then opol might work but if he's going to be out of the house from breakfast till bedtime then i think you may need to start making his language the 'home language' and have 'home' and 'outside' languages. Which will help you loads if you're going to move there as a family too.
It's also worth looking into language baby and toddler groups, our city library service has a few different ones in different areas and also different language books at the main library - you have to make an effort travel a bit for them but it's a good service.

Unfortunately we’re not in London, and the only nurseries and schools I’ve found are either in London or boarding schools, which we don’t want.

The child will be going into full-time nursery from a young age, so it’s not like we’ll have the luxury of being able to immerse him at home until he’s 3 or 4, either.