To wonder how on earth to raise a child bilingual?

[EstherE]

DH is from country X, I am English and we live in England. DH’s family only speak their language, my family only speak English. I speak X language but not perfectly fluently. We want to move back to X, but it won’t be for ten years or more.

How can we raise our child to be bilingual so they can communicate with their paternal family integrate when we move back? I don’t know anyone who’s done it successfully, and we can’t send our child to an X language school as they’re only in London, or boarding schools.

Our children have more than one language. Our first language isn't English.
it was important for us to teach them the language to make sure they can communicate with family and be able to join education abroad if wanted.

You talk to them in the target language
Read books
Play games
Listen to music/audiobooks/radio
Watch Netflex
Online teaching/tutors has been useful for our children

Lots of FB groups gave great advice and inspiration.

My DGC are bilingual. It meant they were a bit slower to speak, as they had to distinguish between the different languages.
Although they live in the UK, my DDIL is from another country, but she has made lots of friends from her own country who live in the UK, so there are lots locally for her and the DGC to speak to. They also have facetime calls back to relatives in the other country who do not speak English, and can talk to them as well.
They also watch netflix, and can set the language to the other language (as it is a main stream language, tho I admit, I am not sure this can be done for all languages), and interestingly, there are some films they prefer in English and some in the other language.
Obviously as they learn to read, they are using English, but my DDIL has also obtained some simple books for them in the other language.
Personally, I was rather concerned to start with, as they were slower to talk, but now I think it is marvellous. I was really bad at a second language myself, so I think being bilingual is great.
I have tried to learn my DDIL's native language, but I am really bad at languages, but have leart a few words and greetings.

I was brought up fully bilingual with a mother that spoke Welsh and a dad that spoke English.
school, friends and most family- and my life in general- were all Welsh.
but my parents spoke to each other in English and I think this was a key part in me growing up being fully bilingual.

(friends grew up capable in English, but not fully fluent)

It's very interesting looking at bilingualism with child development.
Children are highly efficient survivalists. They will stop using the second language unless they find it has use for survival. Hence so many children going to school and dropping the non-local language. But as per PP, this doesn't mean it's a failure and they have lost the other language. It's a choice which may change later.

DN went through that stage with English, not having visited the UK for ages, refusing to speak English to her mum (SIL) but as soon as she was in the UK and needed to talk to relatives, who only spoke English, spoke fluently.

Consistency and perseverance are key

I'm English living in Europe. With my child we started one-parent, one-langauge, even though my partner and I were both fluent in each others' languages. By the time she was 3, this changed to whatever my daughter wanted to speak at any given moment. Generally she'd speak the language where we were based (at the time, England) but if she wanted to say something "secret" to us when her friends were around then she reverted to the other language. With other families with the same language, she'd just chop and change with the other adults and children - often in mid-sentence. Often she would use the language that she felt most comfortable with if there was something in particular that she wanted to say that could be said better in one language than the other.

Where I live there are many mixed nationality families and for them this often means 3 languages - Mum's, Dad's and the local language that the kids learn at school and with their friends - so for example English, Dutch and German (we're in a German-speaking country). The kids just seem to get on with it, switching between languages according to who they're with and how they're feeling in that moment. The families use the internet to access programmes in other languages, and these days, Facetime and Zoom calls with Granny or the cousins keep the kids' language skills up to date.

Be consistently one parent one language. We live outside the UK. I speak English to the kids, DH speaks Dutch to them, DH and I generally speak English to each other. The kids choose which language to speak to each other depending on their mood.

My eldest can't write very well in English but taught themselves to read and now devours English graphic novels. My youngest is at a bilingual school (which is a benefit to the other kids English having a native speaker in the class and helps boost his confidence) and can write and read in English as well as in Dutch.

When DC1 was little I bought the Oxford reading books to support his 2nd language learning at home (though I waited until he could read in Dutch first).

I've always been consistent in making sure they speak to me in English since for most of the time I've been the only one speaking English with them in their daily lives. If they would start to talk to me in Dutch I always remind them to speak in English, or I repeat back what they've said in English to them. When they started school they obviously were encountering more vocabulary that they only had in one language and this was where we'd talk about what they'd done at school, encouraging them to ask, "how to you say X in english"?

My kids do hear me speak Dutch now, especially when they have friends round who don't speak much English, but I was super strict with being consistent when they were younger. This is hardest when they're tired. They do like to correct my Dutch as well.
My kids read and watch films in English by preference (I have to force DC2 to read in Dutch at times!). They tend to watch TV in Dutch. I also make sure they have access to both Dutch and English magazine subscriptions, and Dutch/English books (library, or bought, often 2nd hand)

I also have some friends who've had the same experience you mention. There was no other way for them to connect with their English speaking relatives and eventually they'd come round as long as their English parent kept talking. In other cases it can be that the child feels their other language is not useful or respected - it's up to the parents to keep it alive, learn with them, stimulate their interest.

My Dutch MIL asked me why on earth I'd want the kids to be able to speak English when they live in the Netherlands - now she's always boasting about her bilingual grandkids.

I read the following book when I was pregnant with DC1 which I found helpful with lots of practical activities/tips: Growing up with two languages: A practical guide for the bilingual family by Una Cunningham.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/0415598524/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_image?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Good luck! It's been hard work to get where we are (DC are 12 and 9) but as someone who has been monolingual for most of their life, I really think it's an amazing gift you can give your children. DC2 and I are learning another language now because their uncle is from the country and their cousin will also be brought up bilingually in his language + English from my sister.

The language is associated with the person, you speak English your partner speaks his language, my friend speaks French German and English and is raising her 3 children the same, can be done, would be worth reaching our for support from local children centre's, hvs etc

We're a bilingual home. DH only speaks French to the DCs. Once they'd started school, English did become their prevalent language, BUT, DH never gave up. DC1 is 16 and completely fluent and switches between languages effortlessly. DC2 is 14, not completely fluent but he also switches between languages happily and we spend time.in France every year with non English speakers. We listen to a lot of French music and French TV and radio. It's also about immersion, not just speaking. I speak French, but not well enough to teach my children, so we have always done OPOL.

My BIL & SIL use OPOL seemingly very successfully. SIL speaks one of the less common European languages, her parents speak no English; BIL doesn't speak their language well enough to converse in it so he only uses English with SIL. My nephew is 6 now and flips languages perfectly. As well as speaking at home, they have lots of books, DVDs and games in the other language, and go to a "school" (really more like a family activity club) on Saturdays. Weekly Skype with the grandparents.

My sister lives in Germany and is raising her kids bilingual but in a slightly more haphazard way - she and her husband both speak English and German fluently and use both with each other. They try to do OPOL with their kids but are less strict than SIL/BIL. Too early to tell how it's working - but as English is so widespread in Germany it's easier for them to be exposed to both languages.

If you're planning to move to the other country, OP, as long as they've had exposure while young, the kids will catch up much faster than you will!

We have successfully used one parent one language.
DH has absolutely refused to allow the children to reply in English, every single time they tried he asks the "what did you say" in his language how ever many times it takes for them reply in his language.
We also changed Netflix and Disney Plus to Dh's language, so they watch TV in their second language or not at all.

I have a bilingual child. He grew up in England and I spoke my language to him from birth. He, of course, went through the refusal phase, when they just respond back in English and that's fine. I persevered for years, and now, he speaks my language. He has an accent so he's not completely bilingual, but certainly good enough to communicate and live in my country if he had to. My recommendation is to stick to OPOL and don't give up when they start answering back in English. They all do and eventually, it clicks

It is also very common for a child to appear to reject the language - the key is not to give up as frustrating as that may be. Our conversations together as a family are always conducted in two languages as we all chop and change.

I know many people who have done it successfully. Each parent speaks their own language to children, always. No exceptions.

No. Everyone has explained to you how it works.

My aunt is French
My cousins spoke both languages from being very small
She spoke French my uncle spoke English
Both cousins now speak several languages with ease

The earlier the better, kids take it in

Lots of the DS's Polish and Portuguese friends go to Saturday Polish/Portuguese school.

They also offer both subjects as an additional GCSE here and speak both languages at home

That's really common. It will come if you are rigorous and consistent.

EstherE · Today 11:15

Thanks everyone. I’ve got friends who tried one parent, one language and without exception it’s failed once the children are at school.

Yup! My wife speaks Russian to our daughter, we had her watching Russian kid's programmes, she read Russian fairy tales to her, but by reception, she'd lost interest. (She's not Russian, former Soviet Asian origin). She still speaks to her in Russian a lot, but she almost lost the ability to speak it.

When we went to visit her family, our girl picked it up again. We are now on our second Ukrainian family and that's brought her on no end. She helps translate at school, as there are about a dozen Ukrainian kids - she likes having the ability now.

Sorry it's not helpful but people so easily say one parent one language however as long as the parents communicate in English, the child will find it easier to speak English and it will require effort to speak the other language. Chances are the child will understand both languages however will only speak English.

If the parent who speaks a different language other than English in UK, spends a lot of time with their child and speaks only the other language, then the child may be able to speak the language. However as long as both parents work and both communucate in English, and the child spends most of time at nursery or school, unless the parent who speaks the other language makes extra effort, the child will struggle in speaking the other language.

I know this from my experience. Most of time when I spend time with my toddler I speak my mother tongue however he is at nursery full time and I can see he struggles or is reluctant to say words in my language.

I think the key is really exposure to the language, like your DH spending a lot of time with your child, or meeting up with family who speak your DH's language or meeting DH'a relatives or visiting the country where your DH's language is spoken...

I am bilingual. It really helps if the language is spoken frequently at home. Also, it would be good for the child to watch cartoons in X language. Can you afford online tuition?

A friend is English, married to a Greek, they live in France. He only spoke Greek to their kids, she spoke English, they went to a French school. They are trilingual as each parent only spoke their own language. Only caveat is now the kids know a language (Greek) that their mother does not!
But they took holidays in both home countries and extended family so that helped. But it was a painless way of learning, at least verbally - I don't think they write that much in Greek.

I gave up when DD came home from Nursery repeatedly crying because they tried to teach her the animals/ food/ whatever in English and she knew them in both or only one language!

Then re started with a tutor for a few lessons once she hit secondary school. So she could read & write as well...
It was a real eye opener how much she retained and understood from her early years and regular visits to my home country.

She's fluent in both languages now. But it has been a long hard road as almost everyone speaks English!

It’s what we did. Worked just fine.

Dd is bilingual and losing her English. We moved to France when she was 9 and she was a weekly boarder at school from 13. She now works in a bilingual job and all.her friends are French. Différent to thé op's situation, but it can happen.

If DH speaks X language to DC that'll be enough. Even if DC doesn't respond in X language as long as they understand it, that's 90% of the work. Once you move to X country they'll be surrounded by the language so will start responding.

I am bilingual but my other tongue is very rusty, and I find it too hard to speak with my DC in that language. We ended up getting a part time nanny that speaks the language, for 2-3 days/wk, and DC now fully understands it even though they respond in English (started from 1yr, and is now 2.5yrs). It's an expensive option, but really worked for us!

Also - change the language of the kids programmes on Netflix to language X if it's an option!

In my country loads of kids learned English just from TV programmes, so I'm sure it would work with other languages, specially if you start early.