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Original poster

How is your house not a shithole?

340 replies

Give0fecks · 15/12/2023 10:16

Help me. I’m drowning. I just feel so overwhelmed by the never ending mess and clutter and shit everywhere. I spend HOURS everyday tidying and cannot get on top of it.

I have a 3yo and 1 yo, a dog, a lazy husband and we are all at home a lot. So 3 meals a day for the kids and I. Toys everywhere, plates/packets everywhere always on the kitchen sides. Colouring pens, scraps of fucking scribbles, play doh, Breadsticks under the table as the baby constantly lobs food everywhere. Clothes all over the floor upstairs, out of the drawers/ “floordrobe”.

I just cannot cope. It’s not like I leave it and it builds up, it’s just a tsunami wave of mess constantly and I cannot keep up. Everyday the dishwasher goes on, laundry in, kitchen sides/table cleaned, etc and it lasts 3 seconds and it’s like a bombs gone off again.

im not exaggerating that it’s actually causes me anxiety!

OP posts:
Lifeomars · 15/12/2023 11:25

I really feel for you, it is never ending, soul destroying and so much effort for so little reward. I live alone now and still feel bogged down by what seems like constant cleaning. No matter how much I hoover, wipe, tidy, mop, and so on, it looks ok just after I have done it and then wants doing again the next day, I have an old house which seems to mean it is forever dusty and faintly grimy. It back onto a very busy main road so I guess the grime comes from the constant traffic streaming up and down. In my child rearing days I tried to keep the front room as tidy as possible so that there was one place where I didn't feel overwhelmed by mess.

herbaceous · 15/12/2023 11:26

Catza · 15/12/2023 11:13

How can your in laws judge you when their own son doesn't know how to keep the house clean?

Came on to say just that. How dare they? If they've brought him up that it's the woman's job to clean, and if she dares not keep their prince in pristine luxury while he doesn't have to lift a finger she's the one at fault, I wouldn't worry too much about their opinion.

Husbands quoting stress as an excuse for not keeping their own house clean give me the rage.

Pickles2023 · 15/12/2023 11:26

Its hopeless with a lazy DP..especially if they are leaving a trail of destruction..

I only manage atm (might not so much when back at work) because i constantly doing it as i go along.

I always make sure i do dishes/kitchen before bed.

Then all day long i bin things, go around constantly..it never end's.

Like pop to loo when kiddies playing, quickly bleach toilet, go up again quickly do bath ect.

But my DH helps, on weekends he will blitz the house whilst i tend to kiddos and cook. So tag team/joint effort.

I do know when back at work he will step up weekday evenings too.

Every adult in household has to chip in really else it just isnt manageable without you burning out.

(I do appreciate single parents! Heros)

Still looks a bit untidy, but thats a space/storage issue 😂 esp with young ones, toys everywhere bunged into various boxes.

FestiveFruitloop · 15/12/2023 11:28

Following for tips. This is our house atm and it's driving me crazy.

HellonHeels · 15/12/2023 11:30

fluffylittlebear · 15/12/2023 10:19

You have too much stuff. you have to make decluttering a daily part of your life. Be ruthless. Set yourself a target to get rid of say 20% of your stuff. Each day go through a drawer or a cupboard or a small section of your house and get rid of it. Even if it is just 10 minutes or 5 minutes a day. Do it every day.

Agree with this.

If you cant face decluttering properly then put at least half of the stuff away, in the loft etc.

Same with clothes. If you have too many clothes you cant put them away or hang them up because you wont have room. Ruthlessly pare them down until you can put them all away. If you're washing every day, adults dont need more than a week's worth of socks pants etc.

housethatbuiltme · 15/12/2023 11:31

Who said its not? lol.

I have spent the last year furiously decluttering to get it from 'absolute disaster zone' down to just 'shit tip'... on a good day it may just look like we have been burgled lol.

Frankly with toddlers I'm not stressing it... anything I pick up will be back on the floor again in 2 seconds so why bother.

Sususudio · 15/12/2023 11:32

Your DH appears to do very little.

Nicole1111 · 15/12/2023 11:33

Step 1 - Throw away as many of your possessions as you can
Step 2 - Pay a cleaner to do a deep clean (and get this done 3 monthly if you can).
Step 3 - Have a cleaning rota you stick to religiously. I do Monday living room and hallways, Tuesday kitchen, Wednesday bedrooms and sheet changes, Thursday bathrooms, Friday proper hoover (I do little hoovers between) and a quick tidy of the house and wipe down of the kitchen every day. I’d say I spend no more than 20-30 mins cleaning on a weekday, 15 minutes on a weekend, and my house is always pretty clean and tidy.
Step 4 - Limit what you buy and bring in to the house.
Step 5 - About 6 months after first throw away do another one to get rid of any bits you didn’t throw but don’t use, or any new stuff (like paperwork) you’ve accumulated but not used or don’t need.

DustyLee123 · 15/12/2023 11:33

i throw stuff out. If I’ve not used it for 12 months, it goes.
I have a charity bag by the front door, drop stuff off regularly.
And I tidy, tidy, tidy.
But getting rid and minimal house is the answer. Don’t ask kids if they still want it, Chuck it.

horseyhorsey17 · 15/12/2023 11:34

Mine isn't a shithole because I tidy all the time as well. Mine are teenagers though so - thankfully - the mess of toys has now gone. I had loads of storage for all that when they had them though - a big chest and the IKEA Billy bookcase with drawers in just to keep all their stuff. My house is also tidier now I no longer live with a messy husband!

Get a cleaner if you can afford it - I don't have one now but did when my kids were little and it really helped.

Heyhoherewegoagain · 15/12/2023 11:34

lazy husband

I just wouldn’t have tolerated this from the outset, and never understand people who do

Pookerrod · 15/12/2023 11:35

I hear you. I don’t clean as I have a cleaner that comes but the constant tidying is a never ending battle.

And don’t believe the PP’s who say it’s just because your kids are young and it gets better. I have teens and oh my god, the clothes! I am drowning in clothes! Clothes being washed, clothes being dried, clothes to be washed, piles on freshly ironed clothes, they are everywhere!

I want to gather up every garment in my house, take them to the end of the garden and have a big bonfire 🔥

Hoolahoophop · 15/12/2023 11:35

Our house is the same, maybe worse. Its stuff. We have so much stuff. Trouble is when you don't have a moment to spare how on earth do you declutter. It takes ages. But then it builds up and gets worse and worse. I'm tempted to take a week off work unpaid and work my way around the house hitting every room and removing all the stuff from the house right away.....taking it to another room does not count. That's just playing pass the parcel with the junk. I think I also need some help with the emotional tie to STUFF. presents the grandparents bought the kids that are nice and I want to keep for when i have grandchildren. All the pictures, all the doodles.....good luck!

Nicole1111 · 15/12/2023 11:35

Posted before I read your later posts. My advice would be to go on strike. Stop doing everything and get him to recognise how lucky he is to have you and how he must step up.

Nanny0gg · 15/12/2023 11:35

RaraRachael · 15/12/2023 11:21

My daughter's house is like this. I love to visit but I hate the clutter and not being able to find anywhere to sit. I think her problem is that they have too much stuff. Every wall and surface has stuff on it. The baby has hundreds of toys all over the place and the kitchen looks like a bomb has hit it.
I'd love to help tidy or clean but I don't want to be seen to be interfering.

Can't you just offer? (to give her a 'rest') but then take No for an answer if she doesn't want help?

DustyLee123 · 15/12/2023 11:36

Take pictures of the kids pictures, then Chuck.

FrizzledFrazzle · 15/12/2023 11:36

I have one child and an extremely organized and supportive husband.

Iloveabaileys · 15/12/2023 11:36

In the end I stopped stressing out when in-laws came over . I just said kids play with toys and that's how it should be and unless everyone's tripping over it all and breaking their necks it's fine .
One day your kids will be in school all day and it will be less messy but then with my boys I have the joy of sometimes finding pee round the loo lol swear they play lightsabers with their things (don't know what to put lol).
If you're stressed then your hubby needs to step up but do it for you not other people it's your home !

Wittyname10 · 15/12/2023 11:37

Your husband is a lazy arsehole.

No amount of being ruthless/orgasing/buying storage is going to do you no good if your husband doesn't change.

I'm a man and a my wife and are both tidy because we value and respect one anothers time and the effort we both put in to making our house a nice place to be. If I was in your shoes I would be issuing ultimatums. If it's pushing you towards a breakdown its time to go nuclear.

How can he even consider himself at full capacity when he does part time hours for a full time salary?

Viohh · 15/12/2023 11:38

So we recently completely gutted our house - floors, plaster, new kitchen, new bathrooms etc.

We chucked honestly 80% of what we owned. The house just does not get messy anymore. And if it does look disorderly it can be tidied in minutes.

Buying a cordless Shark Vac (we use ours only for downstairs as I despise going around looking for it) was also a game changer. I must use it 5/6 times a day. I’m much nicer as I don’t care when a mess is made now.

mrlistersgelfbride · 15/12/2023 11:38

My house is a shithole so following for answers!

What I do is:
-stay up after child has gone to bed to clean and tidy (not recommended but needs must)
-If I get a free hour childfree I get a binbag to fill with plastic toys/rubbish/old teddies and bin/tip/charity shop as appropriate
-Try and give partner who WFH a few jobs to do (rarely works)
-declutter wardrobes regularly and give to cash for clothes

Once you've done that a couple of times, get a cleaner if you can afford it.

MargotBamborough · 15/12/2023 11:38

Eyesopenwideawake · 15/12/2023 10:17

a lazy husband

There's your problem.

This.

Rainbow1901 · 15/12/2023 11:38

My DH got the message pretty quick that if he didn't put his dirty clothes in the basket then they didn't get washed. He asked one day where was a clean shirt and underwear - I told him to look on his side of the bed!!
Having kids is messy - been there done that and doing it all over again because we look after our GCs through the week!! Meals/snacks are at the table!! Artwork is kept until they go home - if they don't take it home - it goes in recycling. Keep loading the DW - as soon as its full - switch it on. Teach them tidy up time - we have storage drawers - generally it is easy to just pull out the cars and road mat as it is sorted as it goes away - ready for next time.
Stuff that belongs upstairs goes in a container at the bottom of the stairs and take one or two items with you when you head up that way and deposit where it belongs. So clothes straight into wardrobes/drawers - don't procrastinate and put it somewhere else. The idea is to only handle stuff once and it is dealt with. Batch cooking is your saving grace here - if you can't find the time to batch cook simply increase the quantity of what you are cooking and then freeze it for next time.
Speed tidy - throughout the day. By that for example - just pick up 10 items - tidy, bin, wash as appropriate - you are trying to reduce how much you have to do later as for the ILs - they take you as they find you, help out or leave!

mrlistersgelfbride · 15/12/2023 11:39

Oh and Kallax boxes from IKEA are fab

BlazingJune · 15/12/2023 11:40

DH problem. I don’t really know what else to do about it. He works but not many hours - between 20-36 a week (but full time wage) but he feels a maximum capacity.

Do neither of you go out to work?

How can he earn a full time salary on those hours?
Are his employers not worried?

I had a 3 and 1 yr old at home, full time.

DH was out all day.

You need to reduce the toys, not allow 'grazing' on food, so after each meal you clear up and that's it for at least 3 hours.