How is your house not a shithole?

[Give0fecks]

Help me. I’m drowning. I just feel so overwhelmed by the never ending mess and clutter and shit everywhere. I spend HOURS everyday tidying and cannot get on top of it.

I have a 3yo and 1 yo, a dog, a lazy husband and we are all at home a lot. So 3 meals a day for the kids and I. Toys everywhere, plates/packets everywhere always on the kitchen sides. Colouring pens, scraps of fucking scribbles, play doh, Breadsticks under the table as the baby constantly lobs food everywhere. Clothes all over the floor upstairs, out of the drawers/ “floordrobe”.

I just cannot cope. It’s not like I leave it and it builds up, it’s just a tsunami wave of mess constantly and I cannot keep up. Everyday the dishwasher goes on, laundry in, kitchen sides/table cleaned, etc and it lasts 3 seconds and it’s like a bombs gone off again.

im not exaggerating that it’s actually causes me anxiety!

First of all lazy Dh isn’t acceptable. My Dh is working full time and is still able to do morning a school runs, clean the kitchen/living room and cook some nights. I still do the majority but he accepts his his house too and still his responsibility.

I follow the organised mum method and really stick to it. There’s a free app. Itl still get messy naturally with littles but it helps keep on top of things and tidy as you go. You’re doing a 2 person job mumma. I’d put my Dh in the bin if he didn’t make an effort in his house too

I think leaving dirty laundry on the floor is so, so disrespectful. How much effort does it take to toss it into a laundry bin?

And here’s the pile of washing I am folding this evening. So it’s not all perfect!

Reminds me of my sock system. That bra bag holds my boys odd socks. I pair it when it gets full.

"I have a 3yo and 1 yo"

This is your "problem". Its not a problem, it is a season in your life.
I do agree with others about the lazy husband tho. It is so much easier to keep a house clean and tidy if the other adult is on the same page at the very least.

But my main take is that having kids of that age it is notoriously difficult to keep everything tidy.

I do agree with others about having too much stuff. The magic is finding a very small number of quality items which "do the job"and sticking with them instead of buying new stuff/taking new stuff into the house all the time. 90% of life is boring mundane tasks, and most of the time the newfangled item/thing does not make that mundane go away and hardly makes it any easier than it was before.

I felt like this. I started listening to this podcast called A Slob Comes Clean - the author of this podcast was just like us!! And she wrote a blog, which she then turned into a podcast. I am not exaggerating, it actually changed my life.

(Will go back and read posts as I have impulsively jumped in here ADHD style as usual)

Mouthouch · Today 10:57

I have laundry pile almost identical to that on my bedroom floor. Everytime i walk past it i feel proud of myself because everything in the pile is clean not dirty, my organisation skills are that good!

Mine is too. 4 y/o and 8 m/o and non lazy husband but he works a lot. I think maybe it's inevitable with small kids. Getting rid of stuff would help I suppose. But it's hard to find time to tidy enough to be able to get rid of stuff.. Try not to feel guilt and as if it's a personal failing. It is a mammoth task to stay on top of.

My house was just about the right side of shithole at that stage because DH wasn't lazy, and also not having a dog probably helped too. Honestly I don't think I could've coped with a man with attitude about cleaning at that point. Would've dried my fanny right up.

I think they meant n.b. - as in "By the way, houses are a lot easier..."

Throw stuff away. Seriously. This is the main thing that will make a a difference.

Then Tomm (the organised mum method) is a good starting point for a simple cleaning routine.

I’m still reading through the tips/ advice and will take on board.

te the DH problem. I don’t really know what else to do about it. He works but not many hours - between 20-36 a week (but full time wage) but he feels a maximum capacity. He is stressed, I am stressed. Being in the house with both kids we struggle to get anything done as it’s chaos. Sounds pathetic I know.

im not exaggerating when I say I’m on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I never get a second without one of them, he doesn’t take the kids out hardly ever. But he feels he can’t do anymore?

Yup. I got rid. Now my home is cleaner and tidier, and that's with two messy kids and a dog.

If you have multiple children with a lazy man you reap what you sow I’m afraid.

If you lived on your own with the kids it would be tidier.

eh? your husband doesnt wash his toothpaste down the sink? thats mad!

Yeah, he needs to buck up or ship out.

This is me and I have started to declutter but Christmas has brought more stuff in to the house 😭

Oh OP reading your update it really is a DH problem. Does he realise how close to breaking point you are?

Oh OP I too used to dream of hotel rooms with crisp white sheets.

My gran always used to say cleaning with small kids was like 'shovellin' snow in a blizzard'. It will get easier.

Though your H needs to get off his arse in the meantime!

You have a lovely turn of phrase OP. I can really relate to what you're saying. We still live in a shithole so I definitely don't have the answer but we start by running the DW every night, DH clearing the kitchen every night, laundry batched up so we have laundry free days, and we do 10 min tidies together after meals. I get stuck on clutter and cleaning (I have chronic fatigue and run out of energy.)

I just don't understand how to live minimally. We are quite good in some ways - only own 2 duvet sets and towels per person, not excessive clothes etc. But looking around me now I'm surrounded by presents received, Christmas cards waiting to be written, box of stuff for the charity shop, sewing stuff, sweets DC brought home from school, a couple of notebooks with lists... even without toys in the mix anymore we are drowning.

Your number one problem is the amount of things you have in your home. Have a massive declutter until you can manage your inventory in your house. Kids don't need lots of toys and clothes. Your husband needs to do his share too.

Honestly, mine only isn't because I spend a lot of time cleaning. It's relentless. I've just accepted it as part of life now, stick my headphones in and listen to an audio book or music and get on with it.
We have a very hairy dog (who isn't allowed upstairs or on sofas which does help) so full hoover every day downstairs.
I'm also a big declutter fan. I don't have loads of ornaments or photo frames and I keep kitchen sides as empty as possible. I find keeping on top of it helps as then it's easier daily than a massive clean every week. You've got two little ones, don't be hard on yourself!!

What do you do for him? Whatever it is, stop. You don’t have time. You are focussing on the other stuff. Eat while you feed the kids. Tidy up around and with the kids. Don’t do his washing, don’t cook for him, do the other stuff instead. You can’t do everything, so he needs to look after himself.

Same here op, 3 kids - constant carnage. On the surface my house looks tidy but that is because I tidy up the downstairs for at least an hour every day. The bedrooms get neglected & we always have a floordrobe constantly! It stresses me out too but I don’t have any solutions. It’s the kids!

Who says it isn't??

Actually it's not bad these days as my children are adults and only have one living at home. But it certainly was a messy dump when the kids were little.

Stop tidying for the in-laws coming. Just tell them their son works part-time hours but does nothing to help out. Go stay in a hotel if they are rude.